...poor joke thread...

[Johnboy]

What's green and got four legs?

Grass.

[Heilandee]

Just bought a new Toyota Prius

Speak to y'all later

Can't stop.....................

[The Mantis]

The lonely prisoner.

He was in his cell.

The gay commando.

Wouldnae leave his mates behind.

[fraser]

Why does a golfer wear two pairs of trousers?

Incase he gets a hole in one :huh:

[dan_ict]

mate told me this one, sad but funny

Q-whats blue and orange and lying on the floorr of the swimming pool

A-a baby with deflated armbands :D

Edited February 21, 2010 by dan_ict

[CaleyD]

Surely you mean deflated arm bands?

[Alex MacLeod]

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So they can hide in cherry tree's

Whats the noisiest thing in the jungle?

Giraffes eating cherries

How many elephants can you fit in a mini?

4....2 in the back, 2 in the front

How do you know when the elephants are having a party?

Loads of mini's parked outside

What does an elephant use for tampons?

Sheep

What does an elephant use for a vibrator?

Epileptic sheep

Edited February 21, 2010 by Alex MacLeod

[dan_ict]

Surely you mean deflated arm bands?

I dont know what your talking about

[fraser]

How do you fit six donkeys on a fire engine?

two on the front, two on the back and two on the top saying "ee oh ee oh"

[broomie boy]

A senior citizens' group charters a bus from Burlington , IA , to Branson , MO.

As they entered Missouri , an elderly woman comes up to the driver and says, "I've just been molested!"

The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream. So he tells her to go back to her seat, and sit down.

A short time later, another old woman comes forward, and claims that she was just molested. The driver thought he had a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting those old ladies?

About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested too.

The bus driver decides that he'd had enough, and pulls into the first rest area. When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles..

"Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?" says the bus driver.

"I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I try to grab it..., it runs away...!!"

[Johnboy]

A little known fact

The first testicular guard was used in cricket in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realize that their brain could also be important.

:P

[+Wanderer]

High Tech Scots

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Irish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Irish, in the weeks that followed, an English archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the Sassenach Morning Herald read:

"English archaeologists, finding traces of 130-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 30 years earlier than the Irish".

One week later, the Banffshire Courier in Buckie, Scotland, reported the following:

"After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Enzie, Banffshire, Jock Broon, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f#ck all. Jock has therefore concluded that 130 years ago, Scotland had already gone wireless."

Just makes you proud to be a Scot

[Joonya]

Bloke takes his goldfish to the vet and says"doc, I think my goldfish is epileptic"

Doctor takes a look in the tank and see it swimming happily.... "looks fine to me" he says

Bloke replies "I aint taken it out the water yet"!

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Two drums and a symbol fall from a high cliff

ba-boom tssshhh

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Viagra... Because your mum just doesnt do it for me naturally

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Three people have been found frozen to death outside the Odean Cinema in Dublin

They'd been queuing for 3 weeks to see Closed For The Winter

[Dmacca]

Wigs made out of bum hair have been taken off the shelves after complaints that they keep blowing off.

If thats as good as it gets today im off :P

[Alex MacLeod]

Whats the difference between the Iceland Volcano and Cheryll Cole?

The volcano is still blowing ash.

[HumbersideDude]

People are finding bags of chips, fish fingers ,burgers in the streets all over britain,

Its the fall out from Iceland