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Derek Adams tactical genius


cantankerousoldgit

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He is a lightweight, easily bowled over so, when the big, bad, demented player fella hit him with intent he had two choices of thinking really quickly in view of the fact that what happened came as a terrible shock to him and he had no time to physically react with a head butt on the face of the about to offend  guy in a red shirt accompanied by one of the following :

 

1. Prepare to go down with a thud in the best way he could think of in the split second just prior to impact--thereby gaining sympathy all round and, hopefully, a red card for the player.

2. Prepare to go down on his bottom by bending forward at the crucial second immediately prior to before impact to allow his head to be kicked off by the bbf's knee.

3. Throw himself backwards risking a real crack on his head on what, presumably, is a concrete walking area. Since he had no time to react, let alone think, it seems we can assume that choice number three was involuntary but precipitated by a surge of monstrous fear because when you see it all in slow motion it's apparent that , in the millisecond before the bulldozer hit him, his right  lip contorted upward forcing that eye to close and the other eye opened up wider out of terror and the need to balance out his facial muscles. This put him into a catatonic shock leading to immediate paralysis of the right brain lobe and he was felled semi-conscious and totally incapable of breaking his fall. Needless to say the back of his head hit the concrete but he sustained no recurring injury since it was actually turf and that is the sole reason why the horrible attacker was not charged with assault with a weapon.

On reviewing the evidence, however, M'Lud, it may be that the vicious attacker was innocent of the vile thought of "intent" and simply stumbled at the last moment of approach. He was tired and looked wan, even looked as if he was having a bout of  'flu and devious and doughty Derek tried to take advantage of him by giving him a challenging and very negative stare-down as the alleged miscreant stumbled desperately to leave the field of play.

 

Prior to posting this I consulted with  the seer, IHE, who confirmed my medical diagnosis since he studied that mental condition in the first year of his psychology course at UNIVERSITY. It's all his fault anyway since SEER's are supposed to foresee bad things and tell about them to warn people but decided not to reveal the impending doom of Derek for very personal reasons.

But I intend to keep my bargoons and have posted my cheque for 100 quid today, Itchy,in payment  of my consultation fee.

A Pimple always pays his debts, even to crafty Seers.

:wave:

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Can't believe we are talking sbout this a week later when they arnt anymore.........

Agree Missus. I'd rather see a rumour along the lines of Arquin isn't really missing. While Deeks been out looking for him Arquin's been helping Mrs Deek realise the pleasures of a French union. Would that not make a better story than one where Hamill plays a game of skittles? 

 

Arquins in the attic. Or is he under the bed?

Does Mrs Deek know? Has he gone to her head?

She needs someone strong who can stand on his feet

Not a seething wee wimp who falls down at a bleat.

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Can't believe we are talking sbout this a week later when they arnt anymore.........

Agree Missus. I'd rather see a rumour along the lines of Arquin isn't really missing. While Deeks been out looking for him Arquin's been helping Mrs Deek realise the pleasures of a French union. Would that not make a better story than one where Hamill plays a game of skittles?

Arquins in the attic. Or is he under the bed?

Does Mrs Deek know? Has he gone to her head?

She needs someone strong who can stand on his feet

Not a seething wee wimp who falls down at a bleat.

You're becoming a bit pimply Alex!

Edited by roarer
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Can't believe we are talking sbout this a week later when they arnt anymore.........

Agree Missus. I'd rather see a rumour along the lines of Arquin isn't really missing. While Deeks been out looking for him Arquin's been helping Mrs Deek realise the pleasures of a French union. Would that not make a better story than one where Hamill plays a game of skittles? 

 

Arquins in the attic. Or is he under the bed?

Does Mrs Deek know? Has he gone to her head?

She needs someone strong who can stand on his feet

Not a seething wee wimp who falls down at a bleat.

 

Sorry to spoil yer prose Alex....   there is no Mrs Deek 

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