The Tale of HMS Sneck

[CaleyD]

Author: IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER

Date: 01-06-04 17:55

In 1994 a small submersible called the HMS Sneck was constructed and launched, despite considerable disagreement regarding its colour and its capabilities. As the years progressed the vessel grew in stature and in reputation. On 15th May 2004 this fine vessel finally became a first class submarine, with a potential crew of 6000, and gained a berth amongst the Premier fleet.

However the emergence of such a new and unexpected addition to the first class fleet caused a fair degree of anxiety and apprehension within the ranks of the Submarine Premier League (SPL ). Plans were concocted in an attempt to scupper the HMS Sneck.

In order to show its sea worthiness it was ordered to sail in unknown waters with a reduced crew for 12 months. Against all expectations the crew of the HMS Sneck boldly voted to traverse such difficult seas and promised an even stronger vessel in the future.

Tragically on Tuesday 1st June 2004 factions of the SPL fired a bureaucratic torpedo into the midriff of the HMS Sneck. It was envisaged that the damage inflicted would cripple the vessel and place it with no other option than to silently forego its SPL status.

BUT the HMS Sneck is a survivor and made of stonger stuff. The vessel is presently floating proudly in choppy seas and refuses to submerge and it will not wilt for love nor money. The damage inflicted by its so called peers will only serve to strengthen the resolve of its loyal crew. It is also envisaged that if the refloating and rebuilding plans are forthcoming that the HMS Sneck will return to its rightful place in the Premier fleet in the not too distant future.

And the moral of this tale is..FECK THE SPL..LONG LIVE AND PROSPER ICT.

Lets bury the Liviscum and hit the Top Six

Post Edited (01-06-04 18:07)

[L_G]

:clapping03: :clapping03: :clapping03: :021: :021:

[CaleyD]

Author:IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER

Date: 03-06-04 19:54

As the days went by the proud little HMS Sneck floated defiantly as the waves grew bigger and bigger. The storm clouds were gathering but the gallant crew battoned the hatches and vowed to fight to their dying breaths.

And then suddenly in the early evening of Thursday June 3rd 2004 a flotilla of friendly vessels came to view on the horizon. HMS Jam Tart and HMS Hibee sailed to either side of HMS Sneck and promised to help flotate the crippled vessel and allow its crew time to rethink and regroup. And on the distant horizon the two biggest nuclear submarines HMS Billyboy and HMS Tim Molloy watched on in apparent admiration.

The pirate subs were noted to have submerged and their gloating crew, especially on the stricken HMS Plastic Whistle, were gloating no longer and the prospect of walking the SPL plank became a distinct possibility once again. The sharks of the Scottish media hovered around the mutinous, greedy five submarines whilst a school of 10000 loyal dolphins cried in delight and soared into the sky on an evening when the sunshine finally broke through again.

The proud little HMS Sneck remains disabled but has the momentum and the energy to soldier on and looks to the starboard and to the port and delights in the glorious green,white and maroon supporting fleet.

FECK THE SPL .... LONG LIVE ICT.

Lets bury the Liviscum and hit the Top Six

[Zoid]

God bless HMS Sneck and all those who sail in her (on her)!

[CaleyD]

   

Author: IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER Date:  09-06-04 22:20 [img=http://www.screensaverjapan.com/graphic/yellowsub/yellowsub.jpg] As darkness falls on the eve of Wednesday 9th June 2004 Little HMS Sneck floats quite calmly on the surface of a calm sea, disturbed only by some ripples of waves caused by the constant engine noise of the HMS Plastic Whistle. The repairs to the HMS Sneck have been completed although the tiny vessel continues to propel in circles whilst decisions about its future persist. Semaphor signals from other members of the flotilla seem to suggest that not only will HMS Sneck be joining the premier fleet but may also be allowed to base itself in the local waters of the Moray Firth. At the present moment the confused, frustrated and weary crew of the HMS Sneck only wish that their outcome could be quickly agreed and would be happy to sail to a port on the North Sea if necessitated. The stature of the HMS Sneck is growing day by day and the little battler is gaining approving nods from around the Globe. The Media sharks circle in small groups but usually it is short lived and they are attracted by the movements of the other submarines and the stench of rotting flesh eminating from the HMS Plastic Whistle. One thing is for sure, that the HMS Sneck will proudly and bravely remain in situ until the second D-Day of the year comes around on Tuesday 22nd June 2004. On this specific beach landing however there will be minimal unfriendly fire and hopefully the HMS Sneck and its loyal crew will deservedly end that fateful day sailing triumphantly up the Moray Firth and prepare its waters to welcome and engage in competitive friendly warfare with the "giants" of the Sea. GOD BLESS HMS SNECK AND ALL WHO SAIL ON HER.

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[CaleyD]

Author: Scarlet Pimple Date:  10-06-04 04:35 This is unbelievable--I.m still wiping the tears of sadness and laughter away from my wee eyes. ICT is the team that the SPL loves to hate But now the SPL, the SFA and the SFL are in a scary state The Longman burn is in full spate And we are all waiting for that momentous DATE The gallant cry goes up "A pox on their houses" Whilst the roaring rouses All kinds of ire. the flipping fat's in the fire I do declare ; whilst one over exuberant fan gets fat in his hair Help. Help,he shouts in vain I hate the SPL like I hate the pain -and the bluddy fire in my mane The Rules, the Rules, they cry out so much, Whilst we all know they are just plain out of touch Get thee behind me Satan, take me hame the HMS Sneck is the only thing that's sane One more time, Twist and shout Our plea to the Beaks is ...."Take Your Finger OUT" Get it on, do your thing And the Caley Thistle will be champs again come next Spring

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[CaleyD]

Author: Red & Black Revival Date:  11-06-04 14:49 Just a thought for the immoral garden center ender: Ships flying under the white ensign are subject to the ultimate control of faceless ones down south, who have the ultimate sanction to determine that by age or performance the ship is no longer of use. When that time comes the ship is decommissioned and thrown on the scrap heap. That is what we have here!!!!!!!!! Although they are the SPL not the MOD. But when that time arrives the answer is simple The club will be rebuilt ? Inverness Thistle will be its name. The ground will be called New Kingsmills. The strip will be red & black. The stands will be named after legends ? Fraser, Duncan, Bremner, Urquhart (Murd - before anyone thinks otherwise)

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[CaleyD]

Author: IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER Date:  12-06-04 00:26 HMS Sneck was only built in 1994 and the decision made at that time was to have one crew and it was proclaimed that any able bodied individual who could not abide with that rule would be castigated to sail the seven seas in the old pre merger frigates HMS Thistle and HMS Caledonian who, although fondly remembered, are now ghost ships. The present crew on the HMS Sneck retain an allegiange to their old vessels and the old rivalry is often raised in jovial banter. But every so often echoes of the bitter erseholes of the past surface like sewage and are simply laughed at and ridiculed. Due to simplistic intelligence these erseholes often continue to spew out garbage but, as will probably happen to Red & Black Revival, they will make complete fools of themselves, become totally boring and wholly irrelevant. If I am right the R&B ersehole will be stoopid enough to reply. [img=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/CaleyD/bear1.gif] Lets bury the Liviscum and hit the Top Six

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[CaleyD]

Author: Scarlet Pimple Date:  13-06-04 13:55 A flanking manoeuvre is called-for. We clearly have to sneck up on the enemy-- in a sneck attack, like. The first attack will be controlled by the lurkers--they stay lurking in the background and come out in the open from time to time with their 65 bits worth ,with their brains producing great innovative stuff. Short-lived-- but sweet - but useful for causing confusion since they are rarely seen in action. The full frontal assault will then be initiated by the sterner (o.k. the prower, if you really like) more highly trained and experienced sailor boys singing "Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum Surrender now or it's my claymore up yer b.m" What shall we do with a drunken sailor Earlie in the morning" This rendering in Gaelic will be accompanied by a diversionary tactic of the Sneck's officers tuning their backs to the enemy and lifting up their kilts in the newly-devised "shock & awe" procedure ( in quick-time of course), first introduced by Mel Gibson to rave reviews in his incredibly inspiring film "Wallace". The day will then be won by the third battalion, (marine division) of the Cameron Highlanders Swim team effecting an underwater assault with snorkels fitted with paintball ejecters which the gallant but retarded troops of the Hms "Goldilocks" and the HMS "This Swizzle will Fizzle" sloops will never see coming until their glasses are covered in blue goo. Upon graciously accepting the surrender of Captain Lex Bligh Golderod and his Aide De Compte, Sir Elwyn Blodwin De Hughsville, DSC & Bar, VD & Scar, our Captain Courageous The Hon. Ewan , Rory, Blogsville of the HMS Sneck will retire once again into Exile after climbing to the Crows Nest ('midst the ringing cry of the assembled victorious crewmen "Splice the Mainbrace before we die of Thirst") in order to make a final dramatic swallow-dive to the glassy shimmering waters of Sneck Lagoon. thus demonstrating his athletic prowess , his Olympic hopes and the size of his bagpipes.[img=http://www.sportnetwork.net/smileys2/sunny.gif[/img][img]http://www.sportnetwork.net/smileys2/smash.gif]

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[CaleyD]

Author: Alex MacLeod Date:  13-06-04 23:52 The White Ensign was unfurled and the whole crew cheered as HMS Sneck ploughed through the Premier Fleet, all guns blazing.............. [img=http://www.caleyjags.com/posts/Caleyflag.jpg] Oh, the colours they were beautiful and the colours they were hip, They were blue and white with a red and black strip As they streamed from the stern of the 'Sneck'

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[CaleyD]

Author: IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER Date:  16-06-04 21:28 [img=http://img76.photobucket.com/albums/v232/CaleyD/hmssneck.jpg] A serene sunset heralds the dusk on Wednesday 16th June 2004. The HMS Sneck basks in a dry dock in Harbour Road and is desevedly being given a "makeover" c/o the CaleyD Submarine Restoration Society. The name of the proud vessel will soon be clearly emblazoned upon it and the emblem of its beloved cause will symbolically beat from the heart of the fusilage. The crew members have also taken advantage of a major lull in the storm to disembark on shore leave and the rum rations are being liberally dispensed in the hostelries of dear Olde Sneck. The able bodied semen had virtually accepted that their ultimate fate would, at best, be patrolling the North Sea, stationed in Aberdire, with regular forays down the East Coast and into the Central Belt. The loyal crew would have reluctantly returned to action with the First Division submarines but rightfully continue to advocate their deserved place in the Premier fleet. The movements of the HMS Plastic Whistle and its feckle crew have been a source of entertainment, boredom and amusement and their commander, Tom Hughes (pictured below), has become a particularly ridiculed character in the Scottish waters. [img=http://www.nostalgiacentral.com/images_tv/kids/pugwash.gif] The long term shipping forecast suggests that stormy waters and dark skies will return at the weekend and the night of Monday 21st June 2004 will beckon the longest night of the year. It is expected that the HMS Plastic Whistle will begin to rev up its engines and circle grovellingly amongst the SPL fleet and the movements in direction of the other vessels could change at any moment. At least the High Commander, Lex Luthor, looks prepared and has armed himself with some green soap to ward off the unwashed zombies from Maryhill. [img=http://www.bedrockcity.com/lexlutherbust.jpg] But the modernised and revitalised HMS Sneck will retain its dignity and sail proudly back into the choppy waters and its crew have vowed to remain true and loyal, irrespective of the future fathoms and lattitudes they may have to traverse. And as the sun sets and darkness arrives..a simple but solemn prayer eminates from the bowels of the HMS Sneck. "PLEASE GOD...LET COMMON SENSE AND FOOTBALL LOGIC PREVAIL FOR ONCE" GOD BLESS HMS SNECK AND ALL WHO SAIL WITH HER. [img=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v232/CaleyD/bear1.gif] Lets bury the Liviscum and hit the Top Six Post Edited (18-06-04 21:58)

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[CaleyD]

To be continued.................

[Scarlet Pimple]

I can't believe it's five long years since we wrote that stuff. LOL

Fond memories and many a good laugh for sure. :020:

[Alex MacLeod]

Such a pity the pictures aint there anymore

[KingBeastie]

Let us, the crew of HMS Sneck slip underwater and commence our next mission.

Be prepared though, as we shall remain submerged until we resurface in as yet un-charted SPL waters.

But we will enjoy the journey, there's plenty of rum to be had me hearties...

[Scotty]

Seems Jocky Scott, resplendent in his Dundee Blue (but really an old Inverness Thistle fan) is ready for the big kick off with his new crew on the Black Pig Discovery

However, a few weeks into the season we will hopefully find its not going well when arch nemesis Cut Throat Jake Terry the Butcher in his ship The Flying Dustman HMS Sneck takes all three points from him.

Doesnt Jocky look frazzled .......

And come the end of the season, the HMS Sneck will have taken no prisoners.

[Renegade]

It'd be much better if the HMS Sneck was a train.

[DornochCaley]

Well it wouldnt be HMS Sneck if it was a train would it?

[Scarlet Pimple]

B) B)

[Renegade]

Well it wouldnt be HMS Sneck if it was a train would it?

No it would be Sneck the Locomotive. Locomotiving it's way to victory!

Edited July 15, 2009 by Renegade

[PullMyFinger]

Well it wouldnt be HMS Sneck if it was a train would it?

No it would be Sneck the Locomotive. Locomotiving it's way to victory!

B) B)

You're chuffing mad you are.

[Johnboy]

I can't believe it's five long years since we wrote that stuff. LOL

This "stuff" should have been consigned to the annals of history and left there to rot.

[L_G]

I can't believe it's five long years since we wrote that stuff. LOL

This "stuff" should have been consigned to the annals of history and left there to rot.

Johnboy, it's a bit of fun, if you don't agree then why not just ignore this thread and let those who are enjoying it do just that.