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caleyjags

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    Jokes thread

    in General Nonsense

    Posted · Edited by caleyjags

    Gordon Brown called Alastair Darling into his office one day & said, 'Alastair , I have a great idea! We are going to go all out to win back Middle England '.

    'Good idea PM, how will we go about it?' said Darling.

    'Well' said Brown 'we'll get ourselves two of those long Barbour coats, some proper wellies, a stick & a flat cap, oh & a Labrador . Then we'll really look the part. We'll go to a nice old country pub, in Halifax, & we'll show we really enjoy the countryside, ....... oh & remember not to mention the hunting with dogs Act'

    'Right PM' said Darling. So a few days later, all kitted out & with the requisite Labrador at heel, they set off from London .

    Eventually they arrived at just the place they were looking for & found a lovely country pub called the Causeway Foot &, with the dog, went in & up to the bar.

    'Good evening Landlord, two pints of you best ale, from the wood please'

    said Brown

    'Good evening, Prime Minister' said the landlord, 'two pints of best it is, coming up'

    Brown & Darling stood leaning on the bar contemplating new taxes, nodding now & again to those who came in for a drink, whilst the dog lay quietly at their feet. As they drank their beer they chatted about how heart-rending it was that pensioners were being imprisoned for not paying the council tax.

    All of a sudden, the door from the adjacent bar opened & in came a grizzled old shepherd, complete with crook. He walked up to the Labrador lifted its tail & looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders & walked back to the other bar.

    A few moments later, in came a wizened farmer who followed the same procedure.

    To the bewilderment of Brown & Darling people of all ages & gender followed suit over the next hour.

    Eventually, unable to stand it any longer, Darling called the landlord over.

    'Tell me' said Darling, 'Why did all those people come in & look under the dog's tail like that? Is it an old country custom?

    'Good Lord no,' said the landlord. 'It's just that someone has told them that there was a Labrador in this bar with two 'arseholes'

    Quote of the Day

    in Caley Thistle

    Posted

    Last week from Byrne

    ?I have been a little bit unfortunate as the managers at both Hartlepool United and Walsall (Danny Wilson and Jimmy Mullen) have both been sacked since I was with them. But I know the manager here really well from Aberdeen and Dunfermline and hopefully I will able to pay him back by doing well at Inverness

    5th round draw

    in Caley Thistle

    Posted

    Forfar or Forres Mechanics v St Johnstone or Rangers

    Airdrie v Dunfermline

    Hearts v Falkirk

    Inverurie Locos or Motherwell v Brechin or St Mirren

    Aberdeen v East Fife

    Celtic v Peterhead or Queen's Park

    Hamilton v East Stirling or Dundee United

    Inverness v Ayr or Kilmarnock

    ICT statistics

    in Caley Thistle

    Posted

    http://www.scotprem.com/content/default.as...home_Statistics

    Season : 2008 / 09 2007 / 08 2006 / 07 2005 / 06 2004 / 05 2003 / 04 2002 / 03 Category : League table Attendance (Total) Attendance (Average) Attendance (Highest game) Attendance (Lowest game) Current form Assists Top scorers Shooting (club) Shooting (player) Discipline Red (club) Discipline Yellow (club) Discipline Red (player) Discipline Yellow (player) Clean sheet (keeper) Clean sheet (team)

    Shooting (club)Team Shots On Target

    Aberdeen 161 76

    Celtic 267 156

    Dundee Utd 182 88

    Falkirk 171 75

    Hamilton 148 58

    Hearts 175 93

    Hibernian 219 100

    Inverness CT 189 84

    Kilmarnock 127 66

    Motherwell 171 91

    Rangers 301 152

    St Mirren 164 78

    Robbie Winters

    in Rumour Mill

    Posted

    We are interested according to the Sunday Express.

    SUNDAY MAIL

    SPL duo could bid for Robbie Winters

    Dec 7 2008

    ST MIRREN and Kilmarnock are both keen on signing veteran striker Robbie Winters.

    The former Aberdeen star is available for free after his contract with Norwegian side Brann expired.

    And Killie and St Mirren could now swoop for the 34-year-old.

    The Caley Factor

    in Caley Thistle

    Posted

    Well, baby, I've been here before.

    I've seen this room, and I've walked this floor.

    I used to live alone before I knew you.

    But I've seen your flag on the marble arch,

    And love is not a victory march,

    It's a cold and it is a broken Callelujah

    Callelujah, Callelujah

    Callelujah, Callelujah

    football at the bught

    in General Football

    Posted

    Links Inverness Ladies

    www.scottishwomensfootball.com/

    Scottish Women's Football League

    1st Division

    Pos Team Pld W D L F A GD Pts

    1 Rangers 9 9 0 0 47 5 42 27

    2 Inverness Ladies 6 5 0 1 42 9 33 15

    3 Cowdenbeath 6 4 0 2 12 17 -5 12

    4 Falkirk 4 3 0 1 19 9 10 9

    5 Hutchison Vale 9 3 0 6 18 21 -3 9

    6 Tynecastle 6 3 0 3 22 26 -4 9

    7 Glasgow Ladies A 4 2 0 2 11 10 1 6

    8 Celtic 'B' 4 1 0 3 11 6 5 3

    9 Dumfries 7 1 0 6 15 54 -39 3

    10 Bo'ness United 7 0 0 7 2 42 -40 0

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