Wee Jimmy Joke

[+dumpmaster]

Teacher:

Good morning children, each Thursday we're going to have a general

knowledge quiz.

The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday and Monday off and

not

come back to school until Tuesday."

Wee Jock (a typical Scottish twang) thinks, "Ya beauty.

Ah'm pure brilliant at ma general knowledge stuff.

This is gonnae be a dawdle, come ahead ya radge, a lang weekend fir

me.'

Teacher:

"Right class, who can tell me who said: 'Don't ask what your country can

do

for you, but what you can do for your country?'

Wee Jock shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air.

Teacher looking round picks Jeremy at the front.

Teacher:

Yes, Jeremy." Jeremy (in a very English accent): "Yes miss, the answer is

is ?

J F Kennedys - inauguration speech 1960."

Teacher: "Very good Jeremy. You may stay off Friday and Monday and we

will see you back in class on Tuesday."

The next Thursday comes around, and Wee Jock is even more determined.

Teacher: "Who said. 'We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight

them in the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender?'"

Wee Jock's hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting "I know. I

know.Me Miss, me Miss."

Teacher looking round and picks Timothy, sitting at the front:

"Yes Timothy." Timothy (In a very, very posh, English accent): "Yes

miss,

the answer is Winston Churchill, 1941 Battle of Britain speech."

Teacher: "Very good Timothy, you may stay off Friday and Monday and

come back to class on Tuesday."

The following Thursday comes around and Wee Jock is hyper, he's been

studying encyclopaedias all week and he's ready for anything that

comes.

He's coiled in his wee chair, slavers dripping in anticipation.

Teacher: "Who said 'One small step for man, one giant leap for

mankind'?"

Wee Jock's arm shoots straight in the air, he's standing on his

seat,

jumping up and down screaming, "Miss, me miss, meeeeee!"

Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert, sitting at the front:

"Yes Rupert." Rupert (In a frightfully, frightfully, ever so plumy

English

accent:

"Yes miss, that was Neil Armstrong. 1969, The first moon landing."

Teacher: Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and

come

back into class on Tuesday."

Wee Jock loses the plot altogether, tips his desk and throws his wee chair

at the wall. He starts screaming: "Where the f**K did all these English

b*st*rds come from?"

Teacher looking round the class: "Who the **** said that?"

Wee Jock, grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door, "Bonnie

Prince

Charlie, Culloden, 1746. See you on Tuesday."

[CaleyJulz]

Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon,

so they go back to mom and dads for the night.

In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks

his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies,

"Never mind what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Is Fred

and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies,

"Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to

school."

After school, he comes home and asks, "Is Fred and Mary

up yet?"

His mom says, "No."

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "OK! What do you think?"

He says, "Well, last night Fred came in for the Vaseline

and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

[ictrmd]

:015: