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Scotty

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Blog Entries posted by Scotty

  1. Scotty
    TFC are the only unbeaten side in the Eastern Conference but this 2-2 draw felt a bit like a loss. Coming off a high from Pozuelo’s debut last week, this was a more subdued affair and although the reds dominated the first half and had chance after chance, they were not converted into goals.  Ousted had a few good saves but there are some days where you just know its not going to click. This was one of those days.
    The opening goal came in 31 minutes when Altidore got on the end of a Pozuelo cross to head home. The relief in the stands was palpable but it was short lived. Almost on the stroke of half-time, Drew Moor lost the ball high up the field and it was sent long by Katai to CJ Sapong who barrelled down the sideline. The angle from the edge of the box looked impossible but with ‘Bombscare’ Bono showing up this week and making a trek to the edge of the box he was able to chip it over him and into the net from an acute angle.
    Into the second half and the Fire came more into the game and went ahead in 62 minutes. That man Katai was again involved and he made the run down the flanks before cutting back to Nikolic who had an easy tap-in. 17 minutes later and it was another cross into the box that led to a goal, fortunately for TFC it was a red goal … Jozy turned from scorer to provider and hard down the wing to engineer a cross to an unmarked Osorio at the back post who powered a header into the net. 2-2 and blushes spared.
    A few notes from this game
    Aleksander Katai is a bit of a dick !  He had a pop at Bono, Moor, Laryea and Altidore all in the same incident. Lucky to get away with just a yellow Richie Laryea looks good. Made his debut for TFC and put some good work in. Alex Bono needs some serious competition. No idea how good Westberg is as we havent seen him but someone needs to push Bono for the #1 spot as he is going backwards. CJ Sapong took his goal well. Alejandro Pozuelo had a quiet week … just the 1 assist and a hand in starting quite a few moves.  
    Gallery for this game can be found here :  https://viewfromthesouthstands.com/gallery/2019-gallery/collections/72157708053013884/
    Jozy Altidore Goal

    Jonathan Osorio Goal

    Full Match Highlights

     
     
    View the full article
     
  2. Scotty
    TFC are the only unbeaten side in the Eastern Conference but this 2-2 draw felt a bit like a loss. Coming off a high from Pozuelo’s debut last week, this was a more subdued affair and although the reds dominated the first half and had chance after chance, they were not converted into goals.  Ousted had a few good saves but there are some days where you just know its not going to click. This was one of those days.
    The opening goal came in 31 minutes when Altidore got on the end of a Pozuelo cross to head home. The relief in the stands was palpable but it was short lived. Almost on the stroke of half-time, Drew Moor lost the ball high up the field and it was sent long by Katai to CJ Sapong who barrelled down the sideline. The angle from the edge of the box looked impossible but with ‘Bombscare’ Bono showing up this week and making a trek to the edge of the box he was able to chip it over him and into the net from an acute angle.
    Into the second half and the Fire came more into the game and went ahead in 62 minutes. That man Katai was again involved and he made the run down the flanks before cutting back to Nikolic who had an easy tap-in. 17 minutes later and it was another cross into the box that led to a goal, fortunately for TFC it was a red goal … Jozy turned from scorer to provider and hard down the wing to engineer a cross to an unmarked Osorio at the back post who powered a header into the net. 2-2 and blushes spared.
    A few notes from this game
    Aleksander Katai is a bit of a dick !  He had a pop at Bono, Moor, Laryea and Altidore all in the same incident. Lucky to get away with just a yellow Richie Laryea looks good. Made his debut for TFC and put some good work in. Alex Bono needs some serious competition. No idea how good Westberg is as we havent seen him but someone needs to push Bono for the #1 spot as he is going backwards. CJ Sapong took his goal well. Alejandro Pozuelo had a quiet week … just the 1 assist and a hand in starting quite a few moves.  
    Gallery for this game can be found here :  https://viewfromthesouthstands.com/gallery/2019-gallery/collections/72157708053013884/
    Jozy Altidore Goal

    Jonathan Osorio Goal

    Full Match Highlights

     
    View the full article
  3. Scotty
    For the second home game in a row TFC went down 2-1, this time to the Philadelphia Union, albeit with a little help from rookie referee Ramy Touchan. Despite having the better of the opening 25 minutes, TFC found themselves 1-0 down when Chris Mavinga got the last touch on a Fabrice-Jean Picault effort.  The reds equalised early in the second half with another audacious chipped free-kick from Alejandro Pozuelo which Carlos Coronel got a hand to but couldn’t stop. That’s his 5th of the season.
    Jamiro Monteiro would go on to score the winner in 68 minutes when TFC were temporarily down to 10 men after Auro suffered an injury and was making his way to the touchline to be subbed. A further cynical foul saw Ciman having to be replaced and the ref then seemed to lose control of the match towards the end, booking 4 players as things got heated with TFC seeking an equaliser and Philly falling over at every opportunity. The most bizarre of the 4 bookings was the one dished out to Philly’s Przybylko who was carded on the bench after being subbed. Why he was not carded on the 2 or 3 occasions he wasted valuable time trying to re-enter the field of play without permission after one of his miraculous recoveries beggars belief but that is the oxymoron that is “PRO” referees here in MLS.
    All in all a frustrating day where our lack of a credible second striker to deputise for Jozy cost us dearly. Boyd is not the answer. Hamilton is not the answer. Akinola may become an option but he is not the answer right now.
    Gallery for this game can be found here :  https://viewfromthesouthstands.com/gallery/2019-gallery/collections/72157678247494367/
     
    Match Highlights

     
    Alejandro Pozuelo goal

     
     
    View the full article
     
  4. Scotty
    For the second home game in a row TFC went down 2-1, this time to the Philadelphia Union, albeit with a little help from rookie referee Ramy Touchan. Despite having the better of the opening 25 minutes, TFC found themselves 1-0 down when Chris Mavinga got the last touch on a Fabrice-Jean Picault effort.  The reds equalised early in the second half with another audacious chipped free-kick from Alejandro Pozuelo which Carlos Coronel got a hand to but couldn’t stop. That’s his 5th of the season.
    Jamiro Monteiro would go on to score the winner in 68 minutes when TFC were temporarily down to 10 men after Auro suffered an injury and was making his way to the touchline to be subbed. A further cynical foul saw Ciman having to be replaced and the ref then seemed to lose control of the match towards the end, booking 4 players as things got heated with TFC seeking an equaliser and Philly falling over at every opportunity. The most bizarre of the 4 bookings was the one dished out to Philly’s Przybylko who was carded on the bench after being subbed. Why he was not carded on the 2 or 3 occasions he wasted valuable time trying to re-enter the field of play without permission after one of his miraculous recoveries beggars belief but that is the oxymoron that is “PRO” referees here in MLS.
    All in all a frustrating day where our lack of a credible second striker to deputise for Jozy cost us dearly. Boyd is not the answer. Hamilton is not the answer. Akinola may become an option but he is not the answer right now.
    Gallery for this game can be found here :  https://viewfromthesouthstands.com/gallery/2019-gallery/collections/72157678247494367/
     
    Match Highlights

     
    Alejandro Pozuelo goal

     
    View the full article
  5. Scotty
    Our younger site members may not get the reference, but our older ones surely will ..... me, I sit somewhere in the middle and cannot really remember Sally Field's oscar winning speech where she made that cringeworthy comment, but have heard about it often enough, and know enough of who she is to chuckle ....

    However, its a perfect segue into a blog about the biggest change on the site that some users will notice ... the replacement of the Red/Green dot system for a "like" system.

    The Red/Green dots certainly caused comments when we introduced them, and I am not telling tales out of school when I said that most of the moderators had grave concerns over introducing them in the first place. However, we implemented it because some (myself included) thought it would be good, users could vote up the good posts and express concerns over the dodgy or negative ones ... and those same users would be adult enough to use it properly .... but not so.

    In the end, some users used it the way it was intended, and we thank you for that. However, some abused it to take the piss, and yet more abused it to partake in cyber-bullying by saving up all their red dots for one or two users ... so much so that we had to create a new user category specifically so we could prevent the serial abusers from applying any dots at all.

    Thats not the spirit of what we intended, and its one of those areas where poison can creep into the site so we decided - with the new version of the software - to swich to the new "Like" system which only has positive vibes ......

    Users can "like" pretty much as many posts as they want (think I set it to 100 per day, but that can be increased if we want), and everyone will be able to see who liked a post, but it is not possible to "dislike" a post (and I doubt we would implement that if it ever became an option). This is more in the style of what was intended .... vote up the good stuff and show appreciation for those users making a positive contribution to the site rather than picking on users because they are younger, smaller or - in your humble opinion - less intelligent - than you.

    As we are retiring the red/green dot system, it seems only fair to retire two legacy parts of that system that still exist.

    1. We have already removed the permissions group for the "serial abusers" which prevented them from issuing any dots and they can now issue "likes" to their heart's content like anyone else .....

    2. Negative reputation points ... Many users acquired a fair total of negative reputation points over the last two years of the dot system. I am investigating ways to reset these back to zero. I hope to reset all negative reputation back to zero and leave positive reputation untouched, but if thatproves too difficult, the we will just reset everything back to zero and start everyone from scratch.
  6. Scotty
    AJ under pressure at Dunfermline?
    So many of Dunfermline's home games this season have ended with the sound of booing, so Allan Johnston may be immune to it now. But a derby defeat to Falkirk was the lowest ebb of the Pars' season so far, one in which they've managed just one win and two goals in seven league matches at East End Park. No wonder the fans are revolting (no, not in that sense).

    This one might have turned out differently had Andy Ryan not missed the mother of all sitters for the home side in the first half, and what can any manager do when all his forwards seem to have suffered a collective slump in form? However, the bottom line is that Dunfermline have promotion playoff aspirations. And too often at East End Park the script has been familiar - plenty of possession but a lack of end product, a few decent chances spurned, and a sucker punch at the other end.

    Whether the board feel the same way as the fans is unclear. After all, this is only the club's third year back in the second tier after AJ got them out of their League One nightmare. And in such a competitive league, it could be a lot worse - just look at Falkirk or Partick Thistle. He may not be on borrowed time yet, but with the support at least he has used up all previous goodwill.




    Ross County and Dundee United are the two best teams in this league
    In years to come, Dundee United fans may thank their lucky stars that Ross County thumped them 5-1 last month and brought about the end of Csaba Laszlo. The transformation under Robbie Neilson has been stark and United have four wins and a draw under his leadership, including something of a statement win in Dingwall.

    That's not to say they overwhelmingly deserved the victory - far from it, in fact. But having scrambled their way in front through Paul Watson the visitors defended without panic and refused to buckle under pressure, an outcome that would have been unthinkable a short time ago.

    There seems little question that United will compete strongly for that automatic promotion slot. But on the evidence of this encounter so will Ross County.  When the two sides play each other here again on 6 April 2019, it could well be something of a title decider.




    Not for the first time, Mark Ridgers rescues ICT
    Mark Ridgers deserves most of the plaudits for ending Caley Thistle's crazy run of seven consecutive draws; the goalkeeper's penalty save from Blair Spittal meant that Tom Walsh's goal proved decisive. It was Ridgers' second save from the spot this season, with the first coming against the same opponents in Inverness. This comes just a week after a wonder save from Billy Mckay in the Highland derby.

    It was Ridgers' seventh league clean sheet of the season and his fourteenth in the twenty-four league games ICT have been unbeaten. Whilst his backline aren't too shabby either, Ridgers has been outstanding for the whole of 2018 - not bad going for a journeyman goalie who, at 28, is at his tenth club. An Inverness native, it seems that he has found that there is no place like home.




    Do Alloa stick or twist in January?
    As the only part-timers in this league, weren't Alloa supposed to finish bottom by some way? Clearly they didn't get the memo as they now find themselves out of the bottom two after winning at Cappielow. Far from being punchbags or even simply being overpowered by stronger opponents, they show no signs of being out of their depth at all. It is increasingly conceivable that they could survive.

    That said, the sides below them - Falkirk and Partick Thistle - are certain to bring in significant reinforcements in January to save their season. Should Alloa try to do the same? Can they afford to (or not to)? And, if some of their best players keep performing like this - Iain Flannigan is the obvious standout - will they be able to keep them, or will full-time clubs sweep in?

    Ach, one gets the feeling that Jim Goodwin and co aren't going to concern themselves with those sort of worries. They#re just going to enjoy this while it lasts.




    Connor Murray shows up Frizzell's failings
    Kudos to Connor Murray for coming off the bench at Ayr to grab a late equalizer for Queen of the South. The winger's opportunities have been few and far between but the club obviously see something in him, given that he'll be 22 in March but they've still kept him around. But a penny for the thoughts of Adam Frizzell, left sitting on the bench yet again. The little Kilmarnock loanee would seem on paper to be a better option as an impact sub and yet he's played only 85 minutes of football, all as a replacement, since moving south temporarily. That's pretty unimpressive for a guy who had 24 Premiership starts to his name when still a teenager. Frizzell also had a lousy (and injury-hit, to be fair) loan spell at Livingston last season but it looks increasingly like the 20 year old, previously considered such a prospect at Rugby Park, is stagnating.



    Lawrie Spence has ranted and spouted his ill-informed opinions on Narey's Toepoker since September 2007.  He has a life outside this blog.  Honestly.
    View the full article
  7. Scotty

    Thoughts from Tirana

    By Scotty,

    Fraser was the spark
    Ryan Fraser started the match like a man with something to prove - and maybe he did, given that injuries have prevented him from repeating his outstanding Bournemouth performances for the national team. Within seconds of kickoff he had nicked the ball and raced into the box; whilst that didn't lead to anything it was a taste of things to come. In addition to a fine goal he set up the fourth for James Forrest and was not so much a winger as a blur of energy throughout. And his enthusiasm, along with the quality of his play, set the tone for his teammates.


    The players care
    There remains a healthy dose of scepticism about many of the calloffs that have plagued the squad for this game. But those who played in Tirana very much gave the impression that they were playing for the manager and the shirt. Even when the match was over as a contest the midfield and forwards continued to press high up the pitch, not least because they could sniff a chance to fill their boots. Subs Matt Phillips and Johnny Russell continued the theme when they came on for the latter stages. After such a disjointed and lethargic effort in Israel this was very welcome.


    Is this Callum McGregor's best position?
    Last night I couldn't help remembering how Andrea Pirlo started his career as an attacking midfielder whose technique and ability didn't really come to the fore until he dropped into a more deeper role. Obviously Callum McGregor isn't in the same league as the great Italian, but it was striking how comfortable he looked sitting at the base of the midfield, taking the ball off his centre-backs and spraying it all over the park. Obviously he won't play many international opponents as accomodating as ten-man Albania, but in light of his outstanding showings in that position for Celtic recently is it possible that this could turn out to be his strongest position?  Regardless, you can't buy the level of versatility and reliability that he offers.


    The case for the defence
    I'd rather not play stronger opposition with that back four - particularly since Neil Warnock deleted the file marked 'how to play at right-back' from Callum Paterson's database when he converted him to a forward - but if you've prevented the home side managing a shot on target, you can certainly claim to have had a good game. Scott McKenna doesn't seem to do nerves anyway - he's what you'd get if Skynet designed central defenders instead of Terminators - and whilst David Bates always looks on edge he never actually looked under pressure. I'd rather we didn't play anyone good with those two in front of Allan MacGregor in the near future, but I'd like to think I'd be up for it in two or three years. Surely it's not too much to ask that two of McKenna, Bates and John Souttar can go on to be international class?


    Let's not get carried away
    Albania were cack, and they played with ten men for three quarters of the game, and the referee awarded us an outrageous penalty. And if we don't beat Israel on Tuesday then it's all for nothing really. But a result and performance as good - and as enjoyable - as that doesn't come around too often for the Scotland national team and even if we shouldn't savour it too much we should give credit where it is due to the players and the manager.


    Lawrie Spence has ranted and spouted his ill-informed opinions on Narey's Toepoker since September 2007.  He has a life outside this blog.  Honestly.
    View the full article
  8. Scotty
    Ladies and gentleman, the James Forrest Show
    Few players are more frustrating to watch than nippy wingers who are playing badly. Conversely, few excite quite as much as nippy wingers who are in top form and oozing confidence. Step forward James Forrest, who has now scored five goals in two Scotland games - and 11 in 11 games for club and country. There was more than just the hat-trick to savour; his decision-making, so often erratic at best, was perfect again and again as he weaved in and out of traffic and left more than one Israeli with twisted blood. But his calm, emphatic finishing, like in Tirana, was the sort of stuff you associate with world-class centre-forwards. Even if this turns out to be temporary form rather than permanent class, it was exhilarating and the Tartan Army won't forget it for a while.


    We can't play like this in every game
    Whether it was the pressure of hanging onto a single goal lead, or the fact that Israel were throwing everything forward, the players looked knackered in the latter stages. That wasn't a huge surprise given that in both this week's matches Scotland pressed high up the pitch. Stuart Armstrong and Ryan Christie were both substituted mainly because they were gassed; the former in particular ran himself into the ground and the introduction of the energetic Graeme Shinnie was a sensible move in the circumstances. Obviously though a different style will have to be adopted when the opposition is stronger and more technically able than this; the trouble is that in friendlies against better teams a more passive approach has resulted in Scotland being ripped to shreds. That's something for big Eck to ponder going forward, but he has bought himself several months to find a solution to that.


    Relief for the SFA
    The SFA can now confidently throw their weight behind McLeish for the Euro 2020 qualifiers, which is just as well because having to dismiss him would have reflected as badly on the Hampden suits as it would have on the manager. The hope obviously is that this week has been some sort of turning point, and we now have some momentum to take forward (and an insurance policy as well in the form of the Nations League playoffs). The fear is that the efforts of Forrest and his teammates have masked the problems at the SFA for a little bit longer.


    Connotations for Euro 2020
    Not only did Scotland win their group, but they actually ended up ranked as the top team in League C - that thumping win over Albania helped them finish ahead of Norway on goal difference. So if it turns out that they need this fallback to try and qualify for Euro 2020, they'll have to win a home semi-final in March 2020 - against Finland, as it stands - and then another game after that - against Norway or Serbia, as it stands - to make it. Let's hope it doesn't come to that though: one of the other bonuses of winning the group is that Scotland go into pot 3 for the qualifiers draw instead of pot 4.

    That said, Germany are in pot 2. If we get them, I think we can just start focussing on those March 2020 playoffs straight away...


    More needs to be done to encourage fans
    21000 is a dreadful attendance for such an important game. But until Saturday night there was very little reason for supporters to attend other than a sense of duty. And sadly there were plenty of reports of difficulties in buying and collecting tickets on the day. £25 a ticket for a midweek match against a middle-of-the-road opponent is foolish as well. The powers that be need to decide what national team matches are meant to achieve - is the top priority just to make as much money as possible, by milking loyal Tartan Army members for all they're worth to make money? Or should the focus be on filling Hampden at all costs, thus providing a better atmosphere and more support to the team as well as promoting them to as many fans (particularly children) as possible? Given that topping the group means another €750,000 in prize money, I do hope Ian Maxwell might be more generous in the future.

    But a little success does no harm. It might only be one group in the third tier of the Nations League, but Scotland have actually won something, and the post-match lap of honour was justified in the circumstances not only to make the players feel good but the supporters as well. Maybe, just maybe, this could be the start of something special.


    Lawrie Spence has ranted and spouted his ill-informed opinions on Narey's Toepoker since September 2007.  He has a life outside this blog.  Honestly.
    View the full article
  9. Scotty

    Too Many Rules !

    By Scotty,

    I know some of our members think we never listen, but for the last year or more, the moderators have been discussing tweaks and changes to our site terms, rules, privacy policies and such like and it is largely based on feedback from the community of users as well as a couple of other factors.

    Normally, rule changes happen as a result of something bad happening on the site or some member or other pushing the limit and responding with "well, its not in the rules ... where does it say that?" .... forcing us to add yet another line, paragraph or section to the ever expanding rulebook to cover this or that eventuality. However, this time it may surprise some folk to hear that we are going to be going in the other direction over the summer and simplifying them !!!

    The reason for this is threefold ....
    Almost a year ago (or possibly longer) we received a detailed suggestion and framework from a site member who is neither a mod or an admin suggesting we adopt a system of "golden rules" that relied on the common sense of users to know what is and is not appropriate on the forums at any given time.

    We liked this idea and it formed the basis for a lot of discussion over several months before we put it to one side as we got busy with other. We did however vow to come back to it later ..... well now it is later !
    The software we use for the boards - especially as it relates to warnings and banning - has evolved since we started discussing the changes we wanted to make, and it now fits nicely into the framework without too much effort. This was fortuitous rather than planned.

    Until last month you all had warning bars you could see beside your user info on your own posts (but not on other peoples) and we (mods/admin) would issue warnings based on our interpretation of our not inconsiderable ruleset. Sometimes you would get 10%, sometimes 20% sometimes none .... no consistency.

    This system has been replaced by warning 'points' and we can now assign a value and reason for each infraction with specific points awarded - so consistency regardless of moderator/admin personal feelings. Minor things may attract a single point, more major breaches would have a higher points total. Once you reach a certain points total you may find that your posts are moderated for a while, that you have a posting (but not viewing) ban for a specific time, and ultimately of course the "Ban Hammer" is still around ! Its still the same consequences, just a more consistent way of reaching the decision. Of course, if you are sensible and dont disrupt the forum then this is all irrelevant !

    As we are a football forum we are classing these as Yellow / Red Card offences. Get a yellow and all that happens is your points add up. Once you reach a certain number of yellows you get what in football terms would be equivalent to a 1 or 3 match suspension (moderated/suspended for a short length of time). Get a red card offence and you will either be moderated or post-banned but eligible to return after the suspension is served ... unless its so serious we remove your account privileges forever. All points are valid for 14 days and automatically disappear after that so again there is consistency and no bias in the matter as the system does this all automatically.
    The final reason for implementing this is because, under European law, we now have to add another page to our terms detailing our cookie policy and this would mean new users having to wade through Terms of Use, Privacy Policy, Forum Rules, Copyright Notice and Cookie Policy before joining .... I am tired just thinking of this.... let alone reading it. We want to simplify all this so you can basically enjoy the site, use common sense to govern your own behaviour, and only need to refer to the rules/policies if you have a specific query.

    So what to expect ????

    We havent quite worked out the full details yet, but you can expect the Terms of Service, Forum Rules and Copyright Notice pages to be rolled into a single Rules page that is shorter and vastly easier to read than the original. The current pages run to about 4000 words of legalese that we have had to add over the years. The new draft is about 1500, and although that might sound a lot, its written in plain English so sometimes takes more words to express the same thing !!! I would say that overall, the document is about 25% of the size of the original ! By the time it gets to final draft, the rules may be even shorter if we can manage it !

    We are not going to get rid of the privacy policy as we feel it is necessary to inform users of how we deal with privacy and other concerns and of course we are also mandated to now have cookie info which may or may not be part of the privacy page. These will be linked to in the rules rather than printed in full.

    ....... more to follow soon including details of new rules, the points system, and privacy/cookie policy
  10. Scotty
    I know I keep banging on about it, but the Scottish Championship really is a compelling league. As we enter the final quarter of the season, all ten clubs have something to play for.

    Inconsistency has been the dominant theme as teams go from periods where everything goes in to ones when they seem to have smashed a mirror over a black cat whilst walking under a ladder, or vice versa. The table is so tight that some teams who were in the promotion playoff hunt a month ago are now looking over their shoulders with trepidation, whilst others who appeared set for a relegation dogfight are now dreaming of nicking a top four spot.

    The latter group include Dunfermline, who in mid-February lay seventh, just three points above bottom spot in a total mess following Allan Johnston's departure. Luckily for them his replacement, Stevie Crawford, has proven the most unlikely saviour since the disciples went to the wrong stable at the start of Life Of Brian. It also helps to have a centre forward in form; step forward Aberdeen loanee Bruce Anderson, clearly scarred for life by his parents' decision to give him a name that it is impossible to say without putting on a dodgy Australian accent. Young Brucie, as surely everybody must refer to him by law, is taking his revenge on society, or at least that part of it that stands between goalposts in Scotland's second tier.

    An in-form striker can only take you so far though, particularly when the rest of the squad is so thin that home fans at Palmerston have started taking their boots with them in case they are required on the bench. I give to you Queen of the South, who as recently as the end of January bodied Dundee out of the Cup on the back of Stephen Dobbie's goals. It's tough enough for any forward to score more goals than his age; for a 36 year old one to do so two months before the clocks change is mental. A fifty goal campaign for the veteran wasn't just a possibility at that point, it was odds-on.

    And then it all went, er, south. An extraordinary 4-0 demolition of Ross County in mid-January has been followed by seven straight league defeats; Dobbie's last league goal came in the first of those seven. Saturday's loss at home to Caley Thistle was marred by goalkeeper Alan Martin giving home fans the bird when the half-time whistle went. He was substituted at the break because "of a back injury" according to manager Gary Naysmith. Aye. Sure.

    So the Doonhamers have essentially swapped places in the table with Dunfermline. The problem is that, at the business end of things, there are now teams directly below them that have form and momentum. Falkirk and Partick Thistle are both finally reaping the rewards of their 'sign an entirely new team for our entirely new manager strategy'. If they haven't quite reached Dunfermline's Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds levels of giddiness, those two have at least moved into It's Getting Better territory, though with the duo set to clash next weekend somebody is going to suffer a rotten climbdown.

    There are exceptions to the incredible ups and downs that has permeated this division, all of which seem to exist north of the Tay. Caley Thistle are so determined to become the definition of mediocrity that physicists are concerned the universe could implode with shock if they moved either above fourth or below sixth in the table. They last won consecutive league games in September and have mastered the unfortunate habit of playing up to strong opposition and down to weaker ones. The trouble is that whilst they could argue that they have deserved at least a draw in all six league games they've played against Ross County and Dundee United, they haven't actually won any of them. They have knocked both out of the cup at least, so if John Robertson manages to drag them into the playoffs after all - by no means a certainty if Dunfermline keep going like this - and cons the players into thinking it is a knockout competition, they might pull off a miracle after all.

    As for their neighbours, "County have been crap for months" bewailed one Staggie friend of mine recently...with his team sitting top of the league. The thing is, the concept of form doesn't seem to have actually reached Dingwall. If football is indeed a results business, Ross County have got it down to such an extreme art form that Tracy Emin is nodding with approval. It's not that they haven't been playing well at times, it's just that it seems that ninety per cent of the time it doesn't matter. After an hour and a half of football each weekend, it turns out they've won. It's just one of life's certainties and there's no point fighting it.

    You just know that every single person in the country put Ross County 2-0 Greenock Morton on their pools coupon last weekend, though part of that is because Jonatan Johansson is so risk-averse away from home that even Jose Mourinho would accuse them of being too negative. They've actually scored more than once in only three of the Finn's twenty-four league games in charge. Boring your way to survival is certainly a bold strategy, Cotton. We'll see if it pays off.

    And then there's the tangerine-coloured elephant in the room. While many of the other Championship clubs have more highs and lows than the characters in Trainspotting, Dundee United fans are the ones most likely to be found on the Scottish moors lamenting the hand life has dealt them. "It's s**** supporting United! We're the lowest of the low! The scum of the f***** earth! The most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash that was ever s*** into civilization! Some people hate Dundee. I don't. They're just w*****s. We, on, the other hand, are a division below w*****s."

    Win, lose, draw or whatever, United seem in a state of perpetual crisis regardless. Given that Rangers: The Banter Years has dropped markedly in quality during its seventh season, we should be grateful that its Tayside-based spinoff continues to trundle along nicely despite yet another overhaul of the cast. Replacing Csaba Laszlo with Robbie Neilson was expected to result in a change of direction but the decision to stick with the tried-and-tested formula has proved a ratings hit.

    The games United do win seem to be mostly the result of collective embarrassment, as if the players' own self-respect forces them to occasionally perform somewhere close to their potential. However the shame wears off after a while and then it's back to their baseline, which appears to be to play as if everyone is still at the stage of needing nametags so that their teammates remember what their name is.

    To be fair, Neilson did sign eleven players - literally a new team - in January. But six weeks on from the end of that window one is entitled to suspect a degree of coherence. Instead United fans have been 'treated' to two weekends of watching their team toil for an afternoon, somehow against all reason find themselves in a drawing position, only for the football gods to take offence to this and part their central defence like the Red Sea to gift first Caley Thistle and then Partick Thistle deserved injury-time winners.

    Whereas Partick made a plethora of signings because they gutted their squad after relegation, and Falkirk brought in a gazillion new players to replace the donkeys that Paul Hartley had rounded up, United's squad is striking for the number of players under contract who have in the past few years been very competent at this level or above, but who have been discarded by Neilson in favour of new recruits. The temptation to spend those shiny American dollars was maybe too much to resist, but it might not have been unreasonable to look to the new coach to coax these players back to their best, rather than chuck them on the scrap heap.

    And sure, it might be that a Govan Witch Doctor cursed Tannadice in 2015 so that any player that wears the strip instantly becomes a haddie, but it's more likely that Mark Reynolds lost a yard of pace a couple of years ago and can't manage without it, and that Mark Connolly was only good when Manu Pascali babysat him through games at Killie. Neither have improved on United's previous options in central defence; after they were schooled by the just-out-of-retirement Scott McDonald at Firhill there was sufficient evidence to suggest they are actually a downgrade.

    Meanwhile further up the pitch United added to their attacking options with Cammy Smith, Aiden Nesbitt, Peter Pawlett and Osman Sow. All players with a bit of pedigree, but how do you play all four in the same team? Your guess is as good as Neilson's, which tells you that not nearly enough thought was put in to the recruitment drive.

    At least having new American owners means they probably don't need to worry about the financial implications of a fourth successive season at this level, but whilst a playoff place is pretty much a certainty getting through them is another matter. There's still the enticing prospect of a final between them and their struggling rivals from along the road, where we can be certain that the most positive thing that could be said about the victors would be 'that they were the least crap'.

    Neilson still has eight games to mould United into a decent unit and to build up enough confidence to put them in good stead for the postseason. But as it stands Arabs have good reason to fear they're headed for another year in this particular circle of hell, or at least for two more trips to Dumfries, which is pretty much the same thing.

    For the rest of us, it is compelling viewing, even if it is in the same way that you can't take your eyes off a crashing car. And if that doesn't sum up the Scottish Championship then I don't know what does.


    Lawrie Spence has ranted and spouted his ill-informed opinions on Narey's Toepoker since September 2007.  He has a life outside this blog.  Honestly.

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