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Maroon 5 It might be a good name for a band, but it is not a great score to be on the wrong end of. Inverness were simply overrun by a rampant Hearts who were in Festival mood and handed us our worst defeat on the road for ages. Former Inverness favourite Don Cowie opened the scoring early in the first half and Conor Sammon added a second soon after. It got worse after the interval as Cowie scored on the restart and Sam Nicholson scored a quickfire double to leave us floundering. Ross Draper notched the proverbial consolation goal as the game ran away from us leaving the visiting fans none too happy with the fare they witnessed from Richie Foran's side. Immortal Howden Ender was less than impressed after making his way from Chorley to witness this shambles. His initial thoughts have found their way into the report, but after chilling out, he has a brief summary of the days events which were going well until he entered Tynecastle. ***Warning***. This report is not for the faint hearted. TOOTHLESS CALEY THISTLE This is how the report would have read if I had typed it last night - "MATCH REPORT - Home Safe - Pishedd but ICT were pisheddedder" Well were do I feckin start - Lets look at this comment first - Inverness Caledonian Thistle manager Richie Foran: "I don't think it was a 5-1. We had more chances on goal today than we had in the previous three games, but you've got to put the ball in the net." It could actually have been 25-5. We were slaughtered. It was embarrassing. 44% possession but NO width and NO penetration. 13 shots on goal and 7 on target - for on target add weak or directly at keeper. 7 corners all aimed at Gary Warren. Fer fecks sake. "They had that bit more belief when they had their chances. That's what we lacked." And where do they get that belief from. Sure Rice was barking orders but that is lukewarm. Foran looked like a feckin mannequin. Take the feckin suit off and give them laldy. Be more of Foran the nasty, snarling player, forget they were team mates and give them some good old Irish bollockings. "We had too many players underperforming as well. I've got to take a big part of the blame for that as well - I picked the team, I picked the tactics, I picked the training through the week." Fair enuff - Neither Butcher or Hughes would have said that. But the tactics are WRONG. However, we don't have any real replacements. I thought "If it was me - how could I change it ?" - Only by being ruthless and perhaps playing the yoof. "These players have proven over the years they are top players, but I'm not getting the best out of a few of them at the moment, so I'll take the blame for today." That is a fellow player talking - a buddy - a friend - not a manager. The blame will rest with Foran in the end but we have some of his old buddies playing cards in the feckin trenches. There are some who frankly are not playing for the shirt becos they probably think - "well who else is there". Apart from Warren and Tremarco NOBODY else looked like they were giving 100% - please refer to Grumpometer, because there is NOTHING to smile about !! So the only positive about yesterday was pre-match. Great to have trains running from Englandshire all the way to Embra. Great to be at a game again. And great to see many of the old faces and enjoy a dram or twenty. But then I had to go to Tynecastle - in the Over 65 gate though with the adult Mantis So to the game. Lets summarise. We made Don Cowie look like Wayne Rooney and Conor Sammon look like Slatan Ibrahimovic. Nuff feckin said. We played some neat stuff for 7 minutes. I don't know about anybody else but I hate that 1-2 touch technique fresh off the training ground. Toothless. And then I am sitting there looking at two banks of four that would have won a Synchronised gold feckin medal. But then it didn't change. It stayed like that. And I thought to myself - Somebody with guile will suss that and the olde 1-2 will be easy peasy. And then it was delivered by those two masters of skill - Cowie and Sammon - Fer fecks sake!! And then we allow Cowie time to measure and deliver a cross to a totally unmarked Ibrahimovic who rose UNMARKED like a majestic flounder at the back post. 2-0 and GAME feckin over. But did we pull up our sleeves and show what we were made off. NO we feckin didn't. We sat back and admired. We did not have the energy to press and we had holes all over the place. We were second to every ball. And we did get a chance - which we did - we fluffed the lines like an Amateur Dramatics line up in the West End. The lights were too bright for Boden (especially), Warren and Draper. GRUMPOMETER!! Von Willems - Looked like a POW at the back. Starved off confidence but equally starved of protection. Appeared too weak to shout and cajole the culprits in front of him. To be fair he had little chance with the goals but he is "invisible" to me. And why - oh why - the feck did he come out with Esson early at half time. WHY? Well should have been to change feckin jerseys. Raven - Sorry Mr Hughes - you were right !! Warren - 100% no doubt but 120% is too much. Too eager to get forward and left Meekings stranded at times. Meekings - Simply was NOT 100 % fit. He must have thought - who is the geezer at right back and where are the people who are supposed to be in front of me!! Tremarco - My MotM if only for determination and not putting his head down. Polworth - Why oh feckin why play him wide left. End of. Tansey - Shocking Draper - Drifted in and out of the game - said it a long time ago but Draper + Tansey does not equate. Vigurs - Why oh why play him in the feckin "hole". Totally wasted and he gave up. Mulraney - I was looking forward to see him play. Well he looked like a white Mutombo with less awareness. Nuff said. Cramp after an hour and stretchered off. *****. Boden Proven goalscorer in the lower English leagues. BUT he is NOT a feckin lone striker. And he had NO support. He did a lot of good running off the ball and got in positions to score twice before half time. Sure he fecked them both up but he got in that goalscoring position. Looked the most likely to score and what to we do. We feckin SUB him !! So take Fisher on and hook Mulraney and help out Boden. Too feckin simple. And Fisher looked and is a target man but NOT a lone striker. Great overhead kick attempt though Little Jack Horner should have been kept sitting in the feckin corner. Nice to see Doran back and he HAS to start next week which means that he wont. And I thought that McLean was very lenient. And we still amassed 4 needless yellows which bodes well for future suspensions!! Thanks IHE, I take it you were less than impressed then. Look away now...... Date: 20/08/16 Venue: Tynecastle Stadium, Edinburgh Attendance: 15880 Referee: Steven McLean Hearts: 5 Lineup: Hamilton; Paterson, Rherras, Souttar, Rossi, Nicholson, Cowie (Muirhead, 80), Djoum, Kitchen (Buaben 68), Watt, Sammon (Johnsen, 72) Subs (not used): Noring, Ozturk, Smith, Nowak Scorers: Cowie (7,47), Sammon (18), Nicholson (78,79) Booked: Kitchen (29) Sent Off: none Inverness CT: 1 Lineup: Fon Williams; Raven (Horner, 59), Meekings, Warren, Tremarco, Draper, Tansey, Mulraney (Doran, 64), Vigurs, Polworth, Boden (Fisher, 53) Subs (not used): Esson, Brown Scorers: Draper (87) Booked: Tremarco (11), Mulraney (12), Polworth (40), Horner (77) Sent Off: none abca
He scores when he wants. Unfortunately it's not Billy Mckay but Moussa Dembele as the Celtic striker scored back to back hat-tricks to add to goals from Mikael Lustig, Kieran Tierney and Scott Brown. A not unexpected result and Richie Foran has enough on his plate to worry about after this crushing defeat. As expected, Owain Fon Williams returned to the sticks and Brad Mckay moved into central defence as Foran made two changes from the side that started against Dundee last week. Patrick Roberts missed out as Liam Henderson started for the Scottish Champions who were without Leigh Griffiths and Stuart Armstrong at a less than packed Parkhead. Tremendous start by Inverness inside the first minute as David Raven almost slipped Mckay in after Billy had made good ground down the left and at the other end Liam Henderson fired wide. The opening exchanges were sprightly with both sides having a go and Inverness looking composed on the ball. Ten minutes in and Celtic gradually began to impose themselves on the possession stats with the visitors content to keep them at bay and look for the counter opportunity. Neither keeper had been asked to work in the first fifteen although there was plenty of enterprising play on show, mostly from the hosts as Inverness struggled to hold on to the ball. Twenty minutes gone and Mikael Lustig opened the scoring from close range, brilliantly controlling a through ball from Nir Bitton and slipping it behind Fon Williams. A bit harsh on Inverness who had coped well up to that point. The free kicks were flowing now for Celtic as Inverness tried to stem the flow and the Bhoys were taking full advantage of this causing the Inverness defence plenty of problems but unable to make Fon Williams work. It was constant Celtic pressure now as Inverness failed to link play to the forwards. Ross Draper picked up a booking after a couple of robust challenges as Inverness forced a corner down the left and another as the defence cleared. Warren was adjudged to foul from the second set piece. Iain Vigurs was rightly booked for a clumsy tackle on Dembele to be the third naughtyboy, Carl Tremarco being the first, and as the interval approached we were coming out of our shell and entered the Celtic half a couple of times before the already booked Vigurs offended again. Warren became the fourth villain for upending Dembele who was causing all sorts of problems as he drove at the defence time and time again. A minute before the break Dembele squeezed the ball over the line, Fon Williams failing to keep out his low shot as it crept over the line after James Forrest had skinned Tremarco down the right flank. Fon Williams was on the bench last week for exactly that and it was a disappointing goal to lose. If the plan was to give Celtic total dominance, it was working well as we approached the interval, but with two goals in it, the Caley Jags still had some interest in the cup, albeit very faint. Despite their superiority, Fon Williams had little to do other than pick the ball out of the net twice. Half Time 1-1 Game over just after the break when Dembele slotted home with composure from ten yards. Super save from Fon Williams soon after as Celtic threaten a cricket score and Billy King leaves the pitch through injury with Jake Mulraney entering the field. No fairytale this time for Inverness as Celtic turned the screw and memories of Feb 8th 2000 were quickly erased as Dembele easily notched his hat-track after being set up by Forrest. Forrest was the provider again as he teed one up for Kieran Tierney to nod home and the icing was on the cake when Scott Brown lifted the net off the rigging with a thunderous shot to end the scoring. Full Time 6-0 Oh dear, that went well! A thrashing for Inverness but we have bigger fish to fry with a relegation battle to be won. Nothing we could do about this with Celtic rampant and Dembele in fine form. James Forrest was the architect of most things as Inverness were done by his pace time and time again. It was always on the cards and the killer blow was the soft goal on the stroke of half time that OFW will not want to see again. In fairness he was maybe partially sighted and he just could not get down quick enouh as the ball agonisingly crept under him and over the line. Inverness MotM. Jake Mulraney who looked like he should have been on from the start. The rest need to take a long hard look at themselves. Iain Vigurs was lucky to stay on the park as he pushed the boundaries a few times after being booked. If he wonders why the fans are giving him a hard time, then look no further than his contribution today. It's not a day for criticism though as Celtic were simply too good. All the best players on the park were in green and white hoops. Don't watch if you're easily upset Date: 11/02/17 Venue: Celtic Park, Glasgow Attendance: 25577 Referee: Kevin Clancy Celtic: 6 Lineup: Gordon, Lustig, Boyata (Toure 88), Sviatchenko, Tierney, Bitton, Brown, Forrest, Henderson (McGregor 65), Sinclair, Dembele (Ciftci 81) Subs (not used): De Vries, Izaguirre, Gamboa, Mackay-Steven Scorers: Lustig (20), Dembele (44, 50, 59), Tierney (86), Brown (91) Booked: Lustig (72) Sent Off: none Inverness CT: 0 Lineup: Fon Williams, Raven, Warren, Brad McKay, Tremarco, Draper (Cole 63), Tansey, Vigurs, King (Mulraney 53), Anier, Billy Mckay (Ebbe 63) Subs (not used): Hoban, Polworth, Fisher, Boden Scorers: none Booked: Tremarco (29), Draper (35), Vigurs (37), Warren (42) Sent Off: none a