IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER

Yon Dungannon Jeggie **** should be banned for a pro-Liviscum post. He has started making trubble already.

The man from Dungannon could be the feckin exception to the rule. :D

Updated at 17.30 on 15/04/06

HMS CELLIC 17 14 2 1 50 17 33 44

HMS SNECK 18 8 7 3 27 17 11 31

HMS JAM TART 17 7 6 4 27 18 9 27

HMS HUN 16 6 5 5 24 24 0 23

HMS MUVVERSMELL 18 6 4 8 19 29 -10 22

HMS HIBEE 16 6 3 7 20 24 -4 21

HMS SEAGULL 16 5 5 7 15 21 -6 21

Feck me..The C.L.I.T. is almost within our grasp. Ya can almost smell it. What a mouth watering prospect. Im feckin drooling. :D

The Submarine Premier League (SPL) ia drawing to its close and our chances of a place in Europe next season are hanging by a thread. The league is based on away fixtures, the top two submarines go straight fer the Champions League of Imperial Torpedoes (C.L.I.T.) whilst the third placed vessel circumnavigates the Naval Institute of Premier Propellors League of Europe (N.I.P.P.L.E.)

The present top of the table is:

P W L D F A P/D PTS

HMS CELLIC 17 14 2 1 50 17 33 44

HMS SNECK 17 7 7 3 27 17 10 28

HMS JAM TART 17 7 6 4 27 18 9 27

HMS HUN 16 6 5 5 24 24 0 23

HMS MUVVERSMELL 18 6 4 8 19 29 -10 22

HMS HIBEE 16 6 3 7 20 24 -4 21

HMS SEAGULL 16 5 5 6 15 21 -6 20

HMS SNECK; HMS HUN & HMS HIBEE have three away engagements remaining whilst the other vessels have only TWO.

If it had'nt been fer HMS Liviscum we would have had our passports ready but SERIOUSLY - What would you find more pleasurable and/or stimulating - the C.L.I.T. or the N.I.P.P.L.E ?? :D

BRONSONS "DEAD POOL"

Watch this unique sporting spectacle, place your bets and cheer your favourite down the home straight. Truly hysterical, complete with jockeys urging their mounts down the 250 yard course.

Racing stars include Red Ram, Golden Fleece, Sheargar, Little Pullover, Woolly Jumper and the legendary Alderknitti negotiate "Shepherd's Brook", Bo Peep's Bend and the "EWE Turn" in their quest for glory. Honest Joe the bookmaker, takes your bets to win the prize.

And youre fecked Banana Boy.

:shock: Feck me. Yon two will scare the feck out of the opposition. :shock: Great to see Sneckie loons breaking thru.

It would be more apt if they were renamed Xander Soane and Stuart Sutherland.

IVOR THE ENGINE

JACKANORY

CRACKERJACK

DEEP THROAT

F*ballers wife.

OOPS. Too feckin big again?

May I suggest approaching a sponsor who has had heavy involvement off the park in recent years.

Give her a break, give her a feckin Kit Kat..the four fingered one. :shock:

I think Loopy suits ya better.

Old git

And what about the tipples. Black and tans were the rage fer a while but the Thornbush had Scotsmac on the gantry and sold half pints of Pomagne

Fond memories of those wooden doors with gaps at the bottom which made it easy to stick yer head under and watch the girls changing. Many a feckin stiff neck i had afterwards.

I like Girls Aloud and Sugababes. Hate the music tho.

Feck me.. i've had a feckin avatar removed, a post censored and an image minimised. Feckin independent ma erse. 8) 8)

How did all those erseholes get banned?

Now that sounds a real prospect for the Highland March 1V. :D

I am reliably informed that Dargo and Black have made a gentlemans agreement NOT to leave the club until the 2007-2008 at the earliest. I am equally reliably informed that the squad will practically be the same next season apart from one defender going and one coming in (Dods or Caff) and a Rankin bid will be re-executed.

Im afraid the mental health of Lancashire is dependent on my expertise this weekend.

I say we invade Livilions to show our happiness at this result... :)

Did that once before RIG and banned Sine Die. Mind you it was feckin worth it. :D

Tannadice trio told to leave club

Derek McInnes has one year left on his United contract

Dundee United manager Craig Brewster is planning a clear-out of experienced players, BBC Sport understands.

Three of the club's highest earners; Paul Ritchie, Derek McInnes and David Fernandez have all been told they have no future at Tannadice.

Former Celtic forward Fernandez arrived on a three-year deal last August.

Midfielder McInnes and former Scotland defender Ritchie, who have both skippered the club this term, have one year to run on their contracts.

Dundee United have won just twice since Brewster replaced the sacked Gordon Chisholm in January.

Releasing the players prematurely won't be cheap, but it appears the manager has his sights set on rebuilding his squad for next season.

McInnes, 34, who can count Morton, Rangers and West Bromich Albion among his former clubs, has been at United for three years.

And ex-Hearts and Rangers centre-half Ritchie, 30, arrived on Tayside in the summer of 2004.

Spaniard Fernandez, 32, has played 29 games since his switch to United and has scored seven times.

Correct QB. They will save on wages but it will take a few spondoolachs to say goodbye. :D

Brew has announced that the Arabs will not be renewing contracts fer Paul Ritchie, Derek McInnes or Diego Fernandez. A central defender, a midfield playmaker and an attacker!! :shock: