Here I am again, baring my soul for all you lot to see. Yes I watch Love Island. I’m not proud of it but I live for the drama in the villa and I make sure I rush home to watch it every night. Like everyone else I am praying for them to chuck in a wee ugly fat guy from Greenock with incredible patter to represent our fine nation in front of millions. My prayers have not been answered. Instead they have chucked in an Edinburgh born hunk of a man, tattoos covering his chest and arms and teeth whiter than a Donald Trump rally. His first conversation made my blood boil, veins popping out my forehead and left my body more anger laden than an old firm statement about referees.

Scottish Jamie: I’m from Edinburgh

Essex Shaugna: So do you support Celtic or Rangers?

I was…