Hearts -V- Inverness CT - Report
It might be a good name for a band, but it is not a great score to be on the wrong end of. Inverness were simply overrun by a rampant Hearts who were in Festival mood and handed us our worst defeat on the road for ages.
Former Inverness favourite Don Cowie opened the scoring early in the first half and Conor Sammon added a second soon after. It got worse after the interval as Cowie scored on the restart and Sam Nicholson scored a quickfire double to leave us floundering. Ross Draper notched the proverbial consolation goal as the game ran away from us leaving the visiting fans none too happy with the fare they witnessed from Richie Foran's side.
Immortal Howden Ender was less than impressed after making his way from Chorley to witness this shambles. His initial thoughts have found their way into the report, but after chilling out, he has a brief summary of the days events which were going well until he entered Tynecastle. ***Warning***. This report is not for the faint hearted.
TOOTHLESS CALEY THISTLE
This is how the report would have read if I had typed it last night - "MATCH REPORT - Home Safe - Pishedd but ICT were pisheddedder"
Well were do I feckin start - Lets look at this comment first - Inverness Caledonian Thistle manager Richie Foran: "I don't think it was a 5-1. We had more chances on goal today than we had in the previous three games, but you've got to put the ball in the net." It could actually have been 25-5. We were slaughtered. It was embarrassing. 44% possession but NO width and NO penetration. 13 shots on goal and 7 on target - for on target add weak or directly at keeper. 7 corners all aimed at Gary Warren. Fer fecks sake.
"They had that bit more belief when they had their chances. That's what we lacked." And where do they get that belief from. Sure Rice was barking orders but that is lukewarm. Foran looked like a feckin mannequin. Take the feckin suit off and give them laldy. Be more of Foran the nasty, snarling player, forget they were team mates and give them some good old Irish bollockings.
"We had too many players underperforming as well. I've got to take a big part of the blame for that as well - I picked the team, I picked the tactics, I picked the training through the week." Fair enuff - Neither Butcher or Hughes would have said that. But the tactics are WRONG. However, we don't have any real replacements. I thought "If it was me - how could I change it ?" - Only by being ruthless and perhaps playing the yoof.
"These players have proven over the years they are top players, but I'm not getting the best out of a few of them at the moment, so I'll take the blame for today." That is a fellow player talking - a buddy - a friend - not a manager. The blame will rest with Foran in the end but we have some of his old buddies playing cards in the feckin trenches. There are some who frankly are not playing for the shirt becos they probably think - "well who else is there". Apart from Warren and Tremarco NOBODY else looked like they were giving 100% - please refer to Grumpometer, because there is NOTHING to smile about !!
So the only positive about yesterday was pre-match. Great to have trains running from Englandshire all the way to Embra. Great to be at a game again. And great to see many of the old faces and enjoy a dram or twenty. But then I had to go to Tynecastle - in the Over 65 gate though with the adult Mantis
So to the game. Lets summarise. We made Don Cowie look like Wayne Rooney and Conor Sammon look like Slatan Ibrahimovic. Nuff feckin said. We played some neat stuff for 7 minutes. I don't know about anybody else but I hate that 1-2 touch technique fresh off the training ground. Toothless. And then I am sitting there looking at two banks of four that would have won a Synchronised gold feckin medal. But then it didn't change. It stayed like that. And I thought to myself - Somebody with guile will suss that and the olde 1-2 will be easy peasy. And then it was delivered by those two masters of skill - Cowie and Sammon - Fer fecks sake!! And then we allow Cowie time to measure and deliver a cross to a totally unmarked Ibrahimovic who rose UNMARKED like a majestic flounder at the back post. 2-0 and GAME feckin over.
But did we pull up our sleeves and show what we were made off. NO we feckin didn't. We sat back and admired. We did not have the energy to press and we had holes all over the place. We were second to every ball. And we did get a chance - which we did - we fluffed the lines like an Amateur Dramatics line up in the West End. The lights were too bright for Boden (especially), Warren and Draper.
GRUMPOMETER!!
Von Willems - Looked like a POW at the back. Starved off confidence but equally starved of protection. Appeared too weak to shout and cajole the culprits in front of him. To be fair he had little chance with the goals but he is "invisible" to me. And why - oh why - the feck did he come out with Esson early at half time. WHY? Well should have been to change feckin jerseys.
Raven - Sorry Mr Hughes - you were right !!
Warren - 100% no doubt but 120% is too much. Too eager to get forward and left Meekings stranded at times.
Meekings - Simply was NOT 100 % fit. He must have thought - who is the geezer at right back and where are the people who are supposed to be in front of me!!
Tremarco - My MotM if only for determination and not putting his head down.
Polworth - Why oh feckin why play him wide left. End of.
Tansey - Shocking
Draper - Drifted in and out of the game - said it a long time ago but Draper + Tansey does not equate.
Vigurs - Why oh why play him in the feckin "hole". Totally wasted and he gave up.
Mulraney - I was looking forward to see him play. Well he looked like a white Mutombo with less awareness. Nuff said. Cramp after an hour and stretchered off. *****.
Boden Proven goalscorer in the lower English leagues. BUT he is NOT a feckin lone striker. And he had NO support. He did a lot of good running off the ball and got in positions to score twice before half time. Sure he fecked them both up but he got in that goalscoring position. Looked the most likely to score and what to we do. We feckin SUB him !!
So take Fisher on and hook Mulraney and help out Boden. Too feckin simple. And Fisher looked and is a target man but NOT a lone striker. Great overhead kick attempt though Little Jack Horner should have been kept sitting in the feckin corner. Nice to see Doran back and he HAS to start next week which means that he wont.
And I thought that McLean was very lenient. And we still amassed 4 needless yellows which bodes well for future suspensions!!
Thanks IHE, I take it you were less than impressed then.
Look away now......
Date: 20/08/16 Venue: Tynecastle Stadium, Edinburgh Attendance: 15880 Referee: Steven McLean
Hearts: 5
Lineup: Hamilton; Paterson, Rherras, Souttar, Rossi, Nicholson, Cowie (Muirhead, 80), Djoum, Kitchen (Buaben 68), Watt, Sammon (Johnsen, 72) Subs (not used): Noring, Ozturk, Smith, Nowak Scorers: Cowie (7,47), Sammon (18), Nicholson (78,79) Booked: Kitchen (29) Sent Off: none Inverness CT: 1
Lineup: Fon Williams; Raven (Horner, 59), Meekings, Warren, Tremarco, Draper, Tansey, Mulraney (Doran, 64), Vigurs, Polworth, Boden (Fisher, 53) Subs (not used): Esson, Brown Scorers: Draper (87) Booked: Tremarco (11), Mulraney (12), Polworth (40), Horner (77) Sent Off: none abca
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tm4tj in Reports 2016-17 ·
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