Mrs Pauliebee

Up for the NPL next season Beastie Boy?

Well done mate :021:

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.

11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy,

why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

19.. Procrastinate Now!

20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.

25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

26.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

27.. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

30.. I smile! because ! I don't know what the **** is going on.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/t...tic/5032862.stm

Interesting!

Mrs PB

Cosgrove says it all.........

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/opinion/colum...osgrove/#story1

I take it you'll never be wearing a kilt then!

Poor Paul was born on the wrong side of the border too! He's be making up for that shortly though! :021:

Don't quite understand what you think there is to be jealous off Jnr?

Scotland is a tenth of the size of england - but has ten times more passion, pride and dignity!

It's Gods Country!

Which is why we are moving back, and others, including yer own family, have exiled in the first place!

Let's have them......

David Beckham decides to go horse riding. Although he has had no

previous experience he skilfully mounts the Horse and appears in

complete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a

steady pace.

Victoria admiringly watches her husband.

After a short time David becomes a little casual and he begins to

lose his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse around the

neck shouting for it to stop.

Victoria starts to scream and shout for someone to help her

husband as David has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is

only Saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip

on the horse's neck.

David decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse,

but his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups. As the horse

Gallops along David's head is banging on the ground and he is

slipping into unconsciousness.

Victoria is now frantic and screams and screams for help!!!!

Hearing her screams, the Tesco's Security Guard comes out of the

store and unplugs the horse.

Happy Birthday auld yin - have a great day!

PB's

x

Older but not Wiser!

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spend

$15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she

stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the

clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply.

"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl

the very same question.

The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."

The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store

on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints

and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next

to her the same question.

He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was

young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds

very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.

Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the

best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the ****, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around

very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he

gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them

against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am

I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and

says, "Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you

tell?"

The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't." she says.

"I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

Superb!

Vast improvement on the "wildlife" photo's taken by Fro in last year!

Can you get that Blonde's number for King Beastie please? :004:

Cheers for the tip off RIG - we were glued - what a programme.

Staff all seemed really genuine.

Great insight into Brooks mind too!

Can't wait for next instalment - maybe some of our very own Angels will feature!

Or a Dog on a String?

"Me thinks that Pyscho will now officially retire from the game and probably open up a martial arts school in Grantown"

Or maybe a home security firm - do you remember that stupid bar steward that tried to break into his house?

Seriously, I'd give him a contract - yes, he's a nutter - but wouldn't you just love to see him in one of our shirts charging after Neil Lennon or Barry Ferguson! :dancing03:

Priceless!

RIG - do as your flippin told! :moon07: :015:

ALL TOGETHER NOW......

WE'VE GOT BARRY BARRY BARRY WILSON, ON THE WING, ON THE WING

WE'VE GOT BARRY BARRY BARRY WILSON, ON THE WING, ON THE WING

BARRY, OH BARRY WILSON, OH BARRY WILSON, ON THE WING

Craig Burley gets my vote - superb footballing brain, has always given us credit and not afraid to speak his mind.

Who gets your vote?

After watching his interview on Setanta yesterday, I'd say it 99.9% certain that that

deal is signed and sealed.

Who will replace him? Malpas? Or perhaps Robbo - they must be the only club he hasn't managed in the last 3 years! :004:

Certainly going to be very interesting - but you know what'll happen if the Granny Sh*gger ever

does get on the pitch - those vicious tackles will start coming in hard on that foot!

i would get banned with the amout of stuff on here if i said it, *****************************

That's quite enough of that young man. Consider yourself warned.

EDITED BY THE MANTIS ON 7/05/06 AT 2050

Mantis - is that no a wee bit harsh! We read what he posted and laughed.

We took it completely tongue in cheek and an attempt to defuse the situation Jnr started?

Jnr - quality not quantity lad - has Bronson's spelling taught you nothing? :015:

Has Dozza joined yet?

Top work all - have a very well deserved beer per mile when you finish

Gringers - we've got them lined up in the Shaky for you - superb - you've lead the newbies through again!

Mrs PB

x

:015: :015: :015:

"HITMAN Lee Miller was last night handed a shock Scotland call-up for the Kirin Cup. The Dundee United star has answered an SOS from national boss Walter Smith after Wolves' Celtic-bound striker Kenny Miller was forced to withdraw with a hamstring injury"

Shouldn't that have been DARGO! Or is 20 goals a season not enough?

Miller has only scored 8 goals!

DARGO & BROON overlooked - get a grip Walter!

Why can't Auntie Beeb buy the highlights from Setanta for their 15,000 games next season, and produce at programme of higher calibre than Scotssport VPL - it wouldn't be feckin hard!

Top work ladies!!!!