IBM

Highlights of Yesterdays match

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amx0jjJJf2U

Thanks for taking part in this game and all the best for the season ahead

Good highlights brtter than the BBC!

What about Laurence? Think he must have gone down to London for the Jubilee and got lost!

After his recent posts he has been away reading his history books

Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having ****tails and waiting for their salad, Ed said,

"I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"

Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

Ed said, "I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

Can anyone remind me if are we supposed to be getting £5 off the cost of a new shirt for buying a ST, will this be announced when the new shirts are available

I got my £5 voucher with mine

With a Rangers in the 3rd division, do you think the Record will devote just a paragraph or two to their match reports like they always have done for every other 3rd division team?

They should do!

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University ..

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife,

after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and

walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.

The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.

He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs

and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same f.....g elephant.

What about Laurence? Think he must have gone down to London for the Jubilee and got lost!

The people running Scottish Football Neil Doncaster and his chums are all in it for themselves the status and money! Not caring about their customers (the fans) what we want. If the SPIN they are pedaling about the Sky deal is true they have made a complete **** of the contract and are trying to save their skins. Just like the Politicians and Bankers!

It's not a question of punishment. This is a new club - it is the old club and those who are responsible for all the wrong doing who need to be punished. The point is simply that a new club should enter an established league system at the bottom and work its way up. If they are good enough they will get into division 1 in 2 years time. If they are not good enough a club that is good enough will move into division 1 instead. Meanwhile it would be quite wrong to deny a place in the the first division to a team that is good enough, who play by the rules and who therefore have earnt that place. It is exactly the same argument as that which says they have no right to be in the SPL.

But does that not mean Newco starting in the Southern League or Highland League or equivalents to get the required three years of audited accounts etc that every other team which applies to join the SFL is required to have...or alternatively, buying a Club in one of the other divisions and taking their place as Airdrie United did? Every other brand new team takes a minimum three years, unless they go the alternative route, to even get to the application stage, so Newco should be looking at a minimum of five years in the wilderness before hitting SFL1....which should be plenty of time to ensure that by then, Scottish Football has sorted itself out...and stopped running the whole of Scottish football for the benefit of two teams and the flaming TV..

You may well be right. I don't know enough about the rules to say whether they have actually have any right to apply for the SFL in the first place. All I am saying is that if they do then it has to be division 3 or not at all.

The last sentence says it all!

Peterhead are the latest to say they would reject the proposal for 1st division but would welcome them in the 3rd!

is it me or does antonio reguero kind of look like tuffey at first glance

Not sure if its the jaw or the forehead.

It's the gloves!

A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them **** in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird ****."

"It was my first day with the hook."

The powers that be were also saying, if full funding for Scotland was re-instated by westminster, the whole project would be finnished earlier. Al wager that London didnt see any spending cuts!!

You are right there has been no spending cuts in London, there has been BILLIONS spent in the name of the Olympics even sucking Lotto money from Scotland. An early start is good but I am sure it can be finished before 2025.

Rene our league organisers get in a tizzy if two games are cancelled for weather. How the hell would they fit in another six games. Play them weeknights? Have fans and managers moan about the number of games they have to play? I know they do two a week south of the border but we are big tough Scottish teams. We cant handle it.

Thought this was a good idea but what about Kilmarnock it would be more travelling for them!

Announced today that work will start on A9 two years earlier than first planned. So expect a couple of years of long delays between Dunkeld and Perth

SNP choose to announce an existing scheme (in fact dates back to the days of labour) which was once in the programme to start this year? How to try and move the goalposts to make it seem like they are speeding things up.

It is also a 2+1 and not dual carriageway

Think you have that wrong, the plan is to upgrade the Kincraig overtaking lane to Dual Carriageway. Labour/Liberal's had 8 years in power and did nothing! Then in the SNP's first term all other parties outvoted the SNP on their plans and WASTED all the money on the Edinburgh Trams! At least there is a plan in place now although it will take many years to complete, during that time we will have to be patient and drive with care.

Well done to the Chairman and the board for not sitting on the fence on this very important issue. Thank you.

Yes, we remembered that one but we were thinking more of actual Bakers shops.

Just remembered another one on the corner of King Street and Greig Street, ( there's a Lloyds Pharmacy there now) but I can't remember the name. I do remember they sold Ginger Perkins for a penny each though.

Also there was one in Young St. and another in Tomnahurich St. near the Wheel Cycle Depot. Again the names elude me.

Im wondering if one of them you are thinking about was Munros the Bakers? I just remember them having the most tasty pies EVER. Only downside was....they were a little on the small side...but i have yet to sample a tastier pie. I think they were certainly about in the 70's, very early 80s, roughly where Scotscoup bookies was (before it shut)

That was Munro's on Tomnahurich St, One baker who worked there was Alan Mackinnon from Delneigh who was a friend of my inlaws, baked our wedding cake in 1982 a good present! He was a POW in WW2 and after escaping was living undercover in France with a baker where he was taught his trade. I think he may have played for Caley but am not sure.

http://www.rangersme...oard&Itemid=531

Nice one!

What a load of P***H

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.

Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Hodaiki a bright foreign

exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775', he

said.

'Very good!'

Who said, 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall

not perish from the Earth?'

Again, no response except from Little Hodaiki: 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863'.

'Excellent!' said the teacher continuing, 'let's try one a bit more

difficult...'

Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for

your country?'

Once again, Hodaiki's was the only hand in the air and he said:

'John F. Kennedy, 1961'.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed of

yourselves, Little Hodaiki isn't from this country and he knows more about

our history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'F . . k the Japs,'

'Who said that? I want to know right now!' she angrily demanded.

Little Hodaiki put his hand up, 'General MacArthur, 1945.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glared around and asks, 'All right! Now who said that!?'

Again, Little Hodaiki said, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,

1991.'

Now furious, another student yelled, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Little Hodaiki jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouted to the

teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, 'You little ****. If you say

anything else, I'll kill you.'

Little Hodaiki frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson

to the child witness testifying against him, 2004.'

The teacher fainted.

As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said,

'that`s it, we're fecked!'

Little Hodaiki said quietly, ‘Ally McCoist, 2012.

Should that not read The Rangers and be last?

Hes probably getting distraught about the rumors Ive been spreading. When people ask my where the Ross County ground is? I tell them its about a 2 hour drive north of Inverness

And your point is?

By horse drawn caravan, thats just about correct. Maybe even an under estimate!

Even longer via The Clachnaharry, The Bogroy, The Priory, The Ord Arms, The Drouthy Duck and Shunters!

Agree exactly with Doofers Dad

I second that!

The SPL fixtures come out tomorrow, which is always a good sign that the start of the season isn't too far away. Any preference for our first fixture? I would love to see us get off to a winning start, so a winnable home fixture would be good. Although we are better away from home, so maybe not. Ach who cares, we have to play everyone at some point.

Apparently Rangers will not appear in the fixtures, but an unnamed 12th club will be there instead, who may or may not turn out to be the Rangers Newco once the vote is taken.

I will be checking carefully to see if any of Club 12's home matches clash with Celtics home matches. Somehow. I don't think they will.

You will be right on that one!

Phone rings, woman answers...

A pervert, with heavy breathing, says: "I bet you have a tight **** with no hair?"

Woman replies: "Yes, he's watching TV - who shall I say is calling?"

Is this the same "sign a contract when he returns from holiday" scenario as the one Hayes is meant to being doing with Aberdeen but still hasn't some two weeks later.

Long holidays!