IBM

'Many Scots have died for the Union flag, It is flown proudly throughout the world on all British merchant and naval ships, It is reconised as the symbol of a proud nation. Dont take the blue out of the Union jack'

Very good point Laurence, there was once very proud Highland Regements who fought and died in many wars, Camerons, Seaforths and Queen's Own Highlanders all had great family connections throughout the Highlands. Where are they now after all the Tory and Labour cuts?

Scotland can survive without Westminster we just need to have faith in ourselves!

He will be out of a job if we all vote for independence!

What about Sir David Murray, could he be the next one to fall and become just Mr David Murray?

Something tells me he will be called Gnasher

Great performance today! The first time this season you could not fault any of the team for effort and determination, a well deserved win. I would be happy to see the same lineup next week if they play like that. A good 8 days for the whole team well done to all. :clapping:

YES YES YES, I have voted SNP since I was 18, 54 now! We can easy govern our own country and the bigest saving would be the money wasted in both houses at Westminster, Trident and ilegall wars. Looking forward to 2014.

Hi not sure if this is the right forum so apologies if not.

I am wanting to get my wife a good SLR Digital Camera for her xmas, well as good as ?400 to ?500 will get, perhaps something that allows better lenses to be added as her photographic prowess grows. I am totally clueless and the wife doesn't really know what she wants as just starting out as a budding photographer. Any experts on here that can assist us in making the right choice.

I got the Canon EOS 600D for my birthday in May which is excellent but I am still learning with it. It is easy to use in the auto mode for starters, great quality on the video as well. Might be a bit more expensive than what you are planning. ?590 now was ?690 in May! You can read the reviews on Amazon see link.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=canon+eos+600

You can get the 550D ?40 cheaper but if you go for the Canon I am sure your wife would be worth the extra ?40!

I can see 3 points coming our way a week on Saturday!

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...''

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had

to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, um..equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted.

Good one! We could start a joke thread again.

CHINESE SICK LEAVE

'I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!'

Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work

Today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs

hurt, I no come work.'

The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really

need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my

wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything

better and I go to work.. You try that.'

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what you

say and I feel great. I be at work soon.........

You got nice house.'

I've still got that Tenpole Tudor single in my old vinyl collection. Perhaps I should pass it on to the stadium announcer so they can play the chorus whenever he scores a goal.

Better transfer it to CD these young guys down there won't know what to do with it!

And Templetons where Pondstretcher is now.

That actually started life when that Bridge Street development first opened in the 60s as Liptons which I think then moved across to where Tesco Metro is now when they knocked down Rossleigh's Garage on that site.

Anyway... I digress... what I was going to say was that Liptons had a very good cafe back in the 60s on Upper Bridge Street right above the shop. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think that may have been the first ever supermarket cafe in Inverness.

Now, on the subject of Supermarket cafes in Inverness, has anyone been in the Tesco Inshes one of late? Is it still as dreadful as ever? At least Tesco Extra at the Retail Park has a slightly better one and I used quite to like the Morrisons one as well. However ordering a meal can somethimes be as slow as waiting at their Lottery counter and I've been very disappointed with the last couple of breakfast visits there.

I've probably said this before, but I've yet to find better than Cobbs Cafe at Highland Industrial Supplies down the Longman. To quote but one example, you get a fantastic bacon roll, wedged thick with bacon, and a coffee for ?2.25. There's also a supply of papers.

But I'm sure there are other decent breakfast establishments in our good city. For instance I've heard Wetherspoons well spoken of.

I worked in Wm Lows on the corner of Bridge St & Bank St 1971-72 the big new supermarket then. Started part time on the cold meat counter then full time when I left school at 15 only got paid ?3 a week full time! That was the time of the power cuts and the shop stayed open with gas lamps and wind up tills, lots of shoplifting in the dark! Thought it was a good job till I moved on. We used to get 2 artic deliveries a week, look at the artics and trains coming up to Inverness with food now. Lows was taken over by Tesco then moved across the river to the Rossleigh's site.

Much as I might be tempted to take a swipe at politicians, I don't think this is actually anybody's fault, with the possible exception of the likes of Fred Goodwin. Simply we are (hopefully) emerging from a recession and part of that cycle is severe restriction of public finances. For instance Greece is almost broke.

Outwith the Council Tax, the Councils get their money from Holyrood which gets a block grant from Westminster which is having to cut back on everything for the reasons stated above.

One worry is economists. One large group is saying cut NOW, another is saying don't cut for another year. Two questions arise. To what extent are these groups of economists simply singing from the hymnsheet of their chosen political party? And do economists in general actually have a clue about what the hell is happening if they are as divided as that?

Salmond and his mates, of course, take every opportunity to use this as an excuse to pick another fight with Westminster because it is in their political interest to make another attempt to make Westminster look bad.

Basically there is no money about whatever party would be in power wherever and I suppose the public concern has to be that the cuts which Highland Council have to make will in fact be made as painlessly as possible and in areas where the least loss of amenity results to the smallest number of people.

It's not a case of Salmond picking another fight with Westminster, he is fighting for Scotland which is more than any politician of any other party has ever done in my lifetime.

I agree and wish there were more like him!

The Inshes roundabout winds me up! Can anyone actually tell me when I come from the Hospital exit and want to go between Matalan and the Police station what lane do I use?

I'd say R.H lane Mrs ICTFC....

These lanes are very badly drawn on that roundabout. Entering from Tesco, and exiting on to Old Perth Rd, can be an absolute nightmare.... you need eyes in the back of your head for that manoevre.

Left lane for that one although many drivers use the right! There are advance signs before the roundabout to show what lane to use, have a close look next time.

If we are talking entering from Raigmore direction on Old Perth Rd and exiting along St Walter Scott Drive in between Tesco and the police station then I would have to agree with Johnboy on this, you are turning right so you would be in the right hand lane. Left lane is for turning left or straight on. I am going to look at this sign you mention tomorrow and will apologise if you are right but I can't see it being as you say.

Thats right from Raigmore hospital to Sir Walter Scott Drive, the left lane is from Tesco to Old Perth Road, but do have a look for the signs they are there although small!

The Inshes roundabout winds me up! Can anyone actually tell me when I come from the Hospital exit and want to go between Matalan and the Police station what lane do I use?

I'd say R.H lane Mrs ICTFC....

These lanes are very badly drawn on that roundabout. Entering from Tesco, and exiting on to Old Perth Rd, can be an absolute nightmare.... you need eyes in the back of your head for that manoevre.

Left lane for that one although many drivers use the right! There are advance signs before the roundabout to show what lane to use, have a close look next time.

When I started working for PO Telephones (BT), many moons ago, (1973) the store where the cables were held was called hangar 5, which is where the BT yard is now on Seafield Road.

And I remember some of the grumpy old storemen!

Jim Jefferies?

JJ is Killie till he dies

Or till they go bust! :022:

My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the vet.

He found that the problem was hair in its ears.

He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.

The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep

this from recurring she should go to the store and get some 'Nair' hair

remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

The lady went to the drug store and got some 'Nair' hair remover.

At the register the druggist told her, 'If you' re going to use

this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days.'

The lady said, 'I'm not using it under my arms.'

The druggist said. 'If you're using it on your legs don't shave

for a couple of days.'

The lady said, 'I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must

know, I'm using it on my schnauzer.'

The druggist said, 'Stay off your bicycle for a week.'

Black Testicles

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his ***** in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely......

' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ?

The Zajac tailoring business was in Inglis Street above H Samuel. The family lived initially in the "electric flats" in St. Valery Avenue before moving to St. Fergus Drive in the late 60s. There were four kids. Angela who was the oldest, Catherine who was in my year at Dalneigh and the Royal Academy, Matthew and Graham.

Catherine latterly styled herself "Casia" (the Polish version) and was for some time Chief Executive of the Inverness Chamber of Commerce before moving to another job in London about a year ago. Matthew has made a very good career in the theatre and I believe Graham was killed in an accident quite a few years ago.

It was in the early 70's the tailoring business was in Church St where he still did work for the army.

I think the Zajac's were actually neighbours of my Uncle in St Fergus Drive in Inverness. I have heard of Mathew Zajac over the years. I knew he was either an actor or director or something to do with movies/tv

Zajac the father was a Taylor in Church st, 57 I think in the close behind White the photographers. I remember when flairs went out of fashion taking my suit trousers to him to alter, you did that in the old days! When I went back to collect them he showed me the trousers with the excess material left sewn in the leg and said when flairs come back into fashion again you can come back and I will alter them for you again, good for buisness!

A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in

progress. A sign read: 'Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman'. The

salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, on centre stage,

was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an

old Scotsman. Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out

a huge willy and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty

swings! The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was

carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.

Ten years later the salesman visited the same little town and

saw a faded sign for the same circus and the same sign 'Don't

Miss The Amazing Scotsman'. He couldn't believe the old guy was

still alive much less still doing his act! He bought a ticket.

Again, the centre ring was illuminated.

This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were

placed on the table. The Scotsman stood before them, then

suddenly lifted his kilt and shattered the coconuts with three

swings of his amazing member. The crowd went wild!

Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after

the show.

'You're incredible!' he told the Scotsman. 'But I have to know

something. You're older now, why switch from walnuts to

coconuts? ''Well laddie,' said the Scot, 'Ma eyes are nae whit

they used tae be.

thats an outrageous personal attack .

he probably cannot help having smelly feet.

if you had said somrthing like that last night you would have been banned

It is a sad affliction right enough... I believe he's been seeking medical advice however :

An old football coach goes into a chemist to buy viagra. Can I

have 6 tablets and I need them cut into quarters.

I could cut them for you, said the chemist but a quarter tablet will not

give you a full erection. I am 72 years old said the old coach

I dont have much use for an erection - I just want it sticking

out far enough so I dont wee on my slippers

A Cracker!