A rather posh bar and restaurant was advertising for a new piano player,several applicants turn up for interviews but when asked to play a piece on the piano they were deemed not good enough.
The following day a Glaswegian called Davy came in for an interview. After having a short talk with the manager he's asked to play a piece on the piano, he proceeds to play a beautiful piece of music. Impressed,the manager asks him what the piece of music was called. "It's a piece of music I made maself called 'I ****** my wife on top of a washing machine' ".
"Oh really?" The manager replied a little embarrassed, "Do you know anything else?"
"Ach aye" Davy replied "This one is called 'Shagging a Nun in the back of a van' " and he proceeds to play an equally beautiful piece of music.
The manager is of course completely perplexed but can't deny Davy's ability on the piano and giving that there are no words to the songs,he sees no harm in hiring him providing he doesn't talk to any of the customers.
On his first night,Davy is a hit and the customers are all delighted with his music. Later in the evening Davy takes a break and decides to nip to the toilet for a quick ham shank.
45 minutes later he isn't back and so the manager tells the barman to go into the toilet and tell Davy to get back on the piano or he's fired.
The barman goes into the toilet and knocks on the cubicle door.
"You better get back out there or the boss is going to fire you"
"Aw ****, all right I'm on my way"
A few seconds later, Davy is back on the piano.
The barman looks over and notices something.
He discreetly wanders over and whispers in Davy's ear, "Davy, do you know your dick is hanging out and there's cum dripping all over your shoes"
To which Davy replies "Dae a ken it? Ah ******* wrote it"