IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER

One of the negative outcomes of a relationship with a narcissist or any kind of uncaring person is the effect it has on our ability to find a new and healthy relationship. All too often, we come away from hurtful experiences feeling not only angry and betrayed, but afraid to get involved again. This lack of trust, of both others and ourselves, can keep us from finding the love we want. While taking a break from relationships is often a good way of getting back in touch with your own needs, desires and values, it can become all too easy to simply avoid relationships altogether under the guise of any number of self-deluding excuses. You can tell yourself you’re too busy, you need some time to yourself or that you are sick of dating. But what often lies beneath those stories is a genuine fear of intimacy. After all, getting close to someone means we run the risk of getting hurt again. There aren’t any statistics on this, but it seems likely that highly sensitive people would be particularly vulnerable to avoidance behaviour. We already feel overwhelmed by everyday life and need to retreat to recharge our batteries. And as we are often the targets of narcissists, getting involved with someone new can be a daunting and frightening prospect. This decision to avoid rather than face issues is often an unconscious choice. And it can manifest itself in a variety of self-defeating ways, including procrastination, denial, blaming others, criticising, keeping constantly busy, as well as maintaining physical distance from others. All of these behaviours are defence mechanisms that are intended to protect us from getting hurt, whether from being with someone who is selfish or being rejected by someone we care about. While it feels like the right thing to do at the time and usually reduces our anxiety at first, repeating these patterns only makes our anxiety worse. Trying to avoid something you fear doesn’t make the fear go away. It only makes you more fearful. It’s like believing that there’s a ghost in your closet. If you don’t open the door and look, you’ll always believe it’s there and spend your nights cowering under the covers. Fear also causes us to push away even those people who care about us and avoid relationships that would ultimately bring us safety, love and happiness. So instead of avoiding, blaming, and living in denial of our fears, we have to face them. And we do that by becoming aware of our attempts to avoid getting hurt and by learning how to trust. Trust comes with experience and knowledge. You wouldn’t automatically trust someone you just met. Or at least you shouldn’t. You need to get to know them and discover what they’re like over time. Consistent behaviour will tell you what kind of person they are. You also have to trust yourself. Trust that whatever happens, you will be okay. That’s the key. If someone does reject you, that doesn’t mean you are a bad person or that there is anything wrong with you. It means that person wasn’t right for you. And if you are willing to take that chance, you might find someone who really does care. Break the cycle of fear and anxiety and avoidance by facing your fears and accepting that while some people may have hurt you in the past, that does not have to be the pattern of your future. Trust that you can look after yourself, and when someone caring comes along, you will be ready to accept their love with open arms.

Good response from the Wine Shed :lol: Thanks for your concise responses to my questions and your previously posted agreements with my theory.

Sarcastic actually - where the feck are you from ?

Tomato Terrace - why ?!!

Cant be ersed responding as I am too interested in commenting on the in-fighting on other threads

Pre Smirnoff Mooseman - but after going to watch Everton v Palace last night I may as well get pished in good company than driving over the Humber Bridge and back.

Hate quotes Wine Shed Benefit Day Reviewed Claim but: Laughing my head off (sorry) from a purely psychological perspective but your response actually supports my theory :lol: - fer feck sake read between the lines please - if you can. Please look at aftermath of a narcissist on google as it feels that you - and the people who liked yer post - were co-dependents. Your expectations - as you stated - were grandiose and influenced by a very clever and evidently influential narcissist. Steve Marsella the biggest loss - LOL 2 Hughes was not my first or second choice but he was probably the "safest" of what we had - and many had dodged it becos of the Butcher situation. Jhesus - how can you say expectations were high AND realistic - book me in fer a chat !! Let me ask some questions ? - Should Butcher have stayed ? If he had would we have accomplished more ? Did his departure cause problems for ICT? Why did he leave ? AND FINALLY - did he really give a feck about ICT ?

If that's aimed at me, then you couldn't be further from the truth. I may not be so publicly critical of the club as I once was, but there's reason for that and it has nothing to do with becoming "cosy". There's two main reasons for it.....firstly, having people at the club who are willing to directly listen and take on board the views of the fans....and secondly, in allowing me to do what I do for the club there is the need for an element of trust (from both sides). I trust that if I raise a matter with the chairman he will give it due consideration and he trusts that I won't abuse the access and information that's made available to me and which allows me to improve communication with fans. I receive no salary and am not an employee of the club. There is no contractual obligation for me to refrain from being critical of anything...and I am critical when I see need. I'm pretty sure if you spoke to Kenny Cameron he would attest to the fact that I can be as big a pain in the ass now as I've always been when I get my dander up over something....I just don't see the need/benefit in doing that on a public forum when I can speak to the man direct. I would also add that anyone could phone up and ask for an appointment with the Chairman if they have an issue they wanted to discuss and it would be welcomed....just not this week as he's away for a few days. It wasn't just aimed at yourself but more those involved in CJT at the higher level, I have never seen one of them on here once expressing a worry about the way things are going under Yogi, perhaps its a coincidence and they are all happy and have no concerns going forward. I would question your reply about how you don't need to post on here if you are not happy with things yet will have a dig at fans that do have concerns. There is not much point in coming on a forum unless you put your views across.I hope you can understand that why this is as seen as just defending the club because you have relationship when as you explained this is not the case. I do not want this to be seen as a dig at CJT who I think are doing a remarkable job, however they like us are just fans and there is no real point on coming on a forum unless an honest opinion is put across or in my view that opinion losses credibility. If any member of CJT has concerns they would like raised then contact can be made by either emailing [email protected] or by personal contact at our desk in the sports bar pre any home match. Board members are elected to represent members and our personal views may difer from that being raised. However any concerns would be discussed at our meetings and passed on to the club if thought appropriate. Sorry but you are missing my point, was just passing an opinion I have no need to bring it up in the form of a complaint It needn't be a complaint, feel free to pop along before any home game to fully discuss your opinions too. Aaaaaahhhh don't ya just love sarcasm !!

This is getting stooped - I don't want to talk to Kenny Cameron and nor do I want to have any of my views represented by anybody. This is supposed to be a fans forum where anything goes. Unfortunately many appear to miss what is fishing, what is winding up, what is sarcasm and what is serious - irrespective if you share the same perspective. This forum is becoming a bit of an "I am right and this is who I am" competition and "let's see how many quotes and length of response that I can make". There will always be happy clappers and there will always be whinged moaners, there will always be batters and there will always be biters. It is rich coming from me but scoring points through personal ribbing is also becoming a bit of a norm. I would hope that most will presume that it is purely wind up from me but there is a tinge of nastiness at times - which you never get from the likes of Dougal. Some choose to remain anonymous which is their right but is a shame as far as I am concerned whilst some are well known and in the limelight - where CaleyD undoubtedly falls foul. This irritating thread has gone on too long. It is like City fans calling for the head of Pellegrino. Or it could be like Martinez changing the style of Everton when many worshipped Moyes. And then there is Moyes ? Bottom line is Hughes will be here at the start of next season - experimentation will continue during the split - it will be fair play to have a go next season and if there is criticism to be made then I will add to it with explanation and rationale. And seriously google aftermath of a narcissist becos Butcher has caused most of this - Hughes was on a hiding to nothing and many may have swerved the job in such recognition. And then there was our own expectations and I bet there were some who were thinking that we were going to win both cups, be in the top three and get into Europe. So projections of anger and frustration are rife. Hughes is the readily accessible target and anybody who fits the bill of being hoodwinked employees or influenced others viewed as being in league with the devil. From a feckin psychological perspective - get a feckin grip ya bunch of erse holes and hit the feckin Smirnoff.

This is the worst advertising on this site since Charlie Bannerman. 13 Points

Happy Easter Everyone.

You have to be either desperate or nearing the end of your career to be a moose and play fitba in the feckin Rockies.

I suspect that this thread may die a death on Friday and rise again on Monday.

Even more disappointed - anybody indeed many hold that footballing philosophy - I would prefer to see his influence on the pitch and on the sidelines instead of maintaining the ability to nutmeg. Plus Watkins was polite and respectful rather than influenced and admiring of a role model.

I did like the Housemartins.

Basically even I could not predict the split games - all six teams are capable of beating each other, all six teams are capable of going on a winning streak, all six teams are capable of playing as well away as they are at home. Unfortunately I think that it will be The teams that amassed most points prior to the split - Aberdire and Muvversmell - as I can see numerous draws and everybody taking points off each other.

Jhesus - perhaps a hypnotist has replaced a narcissist ?

Need to win 2 out of 3 with the goal difference. Not travelling all the way to Whitby but looking forward to Bank Holiday Monday and sinking a Marine.

Could it yet be an Everton, Chorley and ICT treble ?? Will be taking in 2 x Everton, 2 x ICT and Bank Holiday Chorley - so could be two teams in Europe and a League winner. What about others "wee" teams - no glory hunters please.

So we are basically in the hands of Aberdire.

Ok coming home and driving to Muvversmell as well.

From a personal perspective and a personal experience can accept that but I have never been to Hull ?

No but company is.

Oh and before that time I will be watching Chorley who I watched in front of a 4000+ crowd midweek.

Could be a great moment in a great season - am already got seats fer the Palace and City games - ICT cant qualify. Tell me different plus Miss IHE is paying fer the last two