Alex MacLeod

To all those who are new to ICT and dont know everything about the club:

The link from Tommy to No 1 groundsman ---Tommy is the name of the Head groundsman at Caley Stadium.

Aquifer ---- IHE reported, via his second sight that an aquifer (underground water channel) exists below the stadium.

Eh!!

What

Think the old folk are running away with it now. Typical!! Young pups today think they have all the energy but truth is they've no stamina for the long haul.

No 1 Groundsman

England joke

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Out on her royal yacht the queen was enjoying the sea air when she spied a man in the water off the port bow - clearly being menaced by a very large shark.

Through her binoculars she could see it was Christiano Ronaldo, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 20 foot shark! The queen ordered the captain to change course to try and save the poor man, but she knew the yachts top speed would never get them there in time.

At that exact moment a speedboat containing three men wearing white England tops sped into view. One of the men took aim at the shark and fired a harpoon into its ribs, immobilizing it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled Ronaldo from the water and, using long clubs, beat the shark to death.

They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious Ronaldo into the speedboat along with the dead shark and prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic calling ...... It was the Queen calling them to the yacht.

On reaching the yacht the Queen went into raptures about the rescue and said, "I'll give you a knighthood for your brave actions. I thought the England team would hate Ronaldo after the world cup. But I see that the England team are true heroes and should serve as a model for sportsmanship to other countries." She knighted them and sailed away.

As she departed Rooney asked the others, "Who was that?!"

"That," Beckham answered, "was our Queen. She rules the Commonwealth and knows everything about our country."

"Well," Rooney replied, "she knows f*ck all about shark fishing. How's the bait holding up?"

There was a couple of midfielders offered but we've plenty of them already.

And one just for Heilandee:

A blonde on Who wants to be a Millionaire

Chris: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - £500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million pounds if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to £32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"

Chris: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?

Is it........

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million pounds."

"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...

No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Chris, just to be sure.

Chris: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Lochee."

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."

Chris: "Hello Maggie, its Chris Tarrant here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on £500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."

Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush"

Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."

Barbara: "You think?"

Maggie: "I'm sure."

Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)

Chris: "Well, do you want to stick on £500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"

Chris: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Chris: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."

Chris: "Barbara.....you had £500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION POUNDS.

Here is your cheque. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."

A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried because every part of her body hurt.

The doctor looked concerned and said, "Show me where."

The blonde touched her own arm and screamed, "Ouch!"

Then she touched her leg and screamed, "Ouch!"

She touched her nose and cried, "Ouch!"

She looked at her doctor and said, "See? It hurts everywhere!"

The doctor laughed and said, "Don't worry; it's not serious. You've just got a broken finger."

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town called Weipa. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little prick on your knee."

Dont mean to be pedantic Don but your suggestion was to sign a pole. The lassie's suggestion is bi-lingual advertising :001: :001:

I have no doubt that this chairman will put his hand in his pocket but we dont want to be in a position where he actually needs to. If he can draw on investment from abroad then all the better. Inverness is becoming an internationally recognised city and I would imagine that the chairmans hoping that if foriegn money is going to be invested in the city then some of it could come to the club. An american tour in the summer would likely make us money, provided the costs were sponsored, because the Yanks are beginning to open up to soccer and they just love Scattland

orgies

Was that the fiancee or the daughter Mairi

Did that chairman not then go to Huntly

Correct me if I'm wrong here Davie but how can he feck of to Hibs tomorrow. He is still contracted to next year regardless of whether he signs his extention or not. Blackie has publicly stated that he is satisfied with his new terms and would be signing when he can get his agent up. Stop panicking. The mans staying.

swing boats

sez ceefax. Their guy apparantly walked at the weekend and Pele is favourite for the job.

Oh, right. Thought maybe you meant Perth to Aberdeen where I can be found having a refreshment once a month or even Aberdeen back to Perth a fortnight later.

What train is that pele

combine harvester

I think you'll find the problem is getting all parties together at the one time.

Highland marches

Maybe its someone from the Tic, now they have Gravesen. Rocco Quinn could be a good option for up front.

Pele's going back to Huntly.

Confirmed on official site that match will be tuesday. £15 and £5 entries.

Things look promising, especially the trialists.

Linky thingy to CC's latest statement

Dont we already have a nessie as well as the 'pissin lion thingy'