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Narey's Toepoker

What we (and Steve Clarke) learned from the Scotland games

Lyndon Dykes will be missed in Moldova Dykes reminds me of the character in the Monty Python 'Upper-Class Twit Of The Year' sketch who "doesn't know when he's beaten, this boy, he doesn't know when he's winning either. He doesn't have any sort of sensory apparatus". I had no doubt at all that the naturalized Ozzie would be unfazed by his penalty miss against Israel, and there was something very Dykes about scoring a goal by essentially karate-kicking the ball. But whilst he remains somewhat lim
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Narey's Toepoker

2021/22 Scottish Premiership preview

Are we ever going to have a battle for the league title again? A two horse race isn't much more exciting than a one horse race when you don't have a stake in either, but last season some thought Rangers might be able to push Celtic a bit. Not too many expected them p*** all over Celtic's ten-in-a-row dream. Steven Gerrard's side won the title by 25 points. Can Celtic turn that back around. The evidence of their opening European games was not encouraging. As for the other ten, we're very muc
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Narey's Toepoker

2021/22 Scottish Championship preview

For the first time since 2014, there isn't a club in this division that could be considered a Scottish football heavyweight - yes, I'd still refer to Dundee United as such, even if they are a bit flabby with bingo wings and move slower than a week in jail. There's also not a club like Dundee or Ross County who have significant financial backing from a benevolent millionaire. So in theory at least the Championship is up for grabs. However Kilmarnock - back at this level for the first time sin
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Narey's Toepoker

2021/22 Scottish League One preview

Given that League One is still mostly the domain of part-time clubs, any full-time teams should always be considered favourites. Partick Thistle lived up to that billing last season, eventually. Falkirk on the other hand collapsed like a house of cards in a hurricane; if missing out on promotion was a catastrophe, slumping to fifth place is, er, something worse than a catastrophe? For 2021/22, the Bairns, Airdrie - who have a bit of a hybrid model in their squad - and Queen's Park, who are
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Narey's Toepoker

2021/22 Scottish League Two preview

In recent seasons Scottish League Two has been dominated by clubs that have been rather flush with cash for this level - Queen's Park last season, and Cove Rangers the year before. At the other end of the table, the addition in 2015 of a relegation playoff has forced smaller sides who have cruised along at this level for aeons to either ship up or ship out; league mainstays East Stirlingshire and Berwick Rangers have languished in the Lowland League after dropping out of the SPFL, while Brechin
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Narey's Toepoker

The Euro dream turns into a nightmare: Scotland 0 Czech Republic 2

We waited twenty-three years for this, and what did we get? An endless barrage of mediocre nausea-related puns regarding the name of the Czech goalscorer. What we didn't get was the epic, all-action, never-say-die, no-one-lives-forever performance from the home side that we were looking for and, frankly, expecting. Heck, no-one even got booked. Don't forget that Scotland were the home side here. Opportunities to play at a major tournament are like hen's teeth for us; to do it on our own
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Narey's Toepoker

The fourteenth annual Narey's Toepoker Team Of The Year (part 2)

The keeper and back four can be found here. Here's the midfield and attack. This season I've gone for a 4-2-3-1. CENTRAL MIDFIELD: STEVEN DAVIS (RANGERS), ALI MCCANN (ST. JOHNSTONE) Honourable mentions: Lewis Ferguson (Aberdeen), Hakeem Odoffin (Hamilton Academical), Joe Newell (Hibernian), Allan Campbell (Motherwell) When Davis returned to Ibrox in 2019 he looked woefully unfit and I don't think I was the only one who thought his legs were gone; now 36, he looks as sprightly as ever and
Narey's Toepoker

My 26 for Euro 2021

Okay, since it's only two days till Steve Clarke announces his Euro 2021 squad, maybe it isn't too early for me to speculate anymore? So here's who I think - not necessarily who the boss thinks - will be the twenty-six players who will wear the Scotland shirt at a major tournament for the first time since France '98. It'll be interesting to see who benefits from the decision to increase the squad size from twenty-three, given that the three fortunate so-and-so's are virtually certain not to
Narey's Toepoker

The fourteenth annual Narey's Toepoker Team Of The Year (part 1)

Aye, it's that time again. Fourteen years we've been doing this, and frankly I'm worried the universe will end if I shirk my duties. No surprise that there's a lot of representation from the blue cheek of the Glasgow arse this year. For posterity, here's the previous thirteen editions: 2007/08: Allan McGregor (Rangers), Alan Hutton (Rangers), Carlos Cuellar (Rangers), Lee Wilkie (Dundee United), Lee Naylor (Celtic), Barry Robson (Celtic), Stephen Hughes (Motherwell), Barry Ferguson (
Narey's Toepoker

Worst Signings of the 2020/21 Premiership season (part 2)

The initial countdown from 25 to 11 can be found here.   This is the ninth time we've done this. The eight previous 'winners': 2012/13: Rory Boulding (Kilmarnock) 2013/14: Stephane Bahoken (St. Mirren) 2014/15: Jim Fenlon (Ross County) 2015/16: Rodney Sneijder (Dundee United) 2016/17: Joey Barton (Rangers) 2017/18: Eduardo Herrera (Rangers) 2018/19: Umar Sadiq (Rangers) 2019/20: Madis Vihmann (St. Johnstone) You'll note that we've never previously named a Celtic player at the top of
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Narey's Toepoker

A far-too-early attempt at predicting Scotland's Euros squad (take two)

We already tried this in January, but it seems reasonable to update it after the recent international break. Not that there are many changes - the number of 'certainties' has gone up from twelve to sixteen, mind - but the emergence of Che Adams was the big talking point. It will be interesting to see what strategy Clarke uses when putting together his twenty-three man squad. Many international coaches have in the past just picked two players for every position, but a more progressive plan wo
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Narey's Toepoker

Worst Signings of the 2020/21 Premiership season (part 1)

It's always fun being a critic, and even more so when it comes to Scottish football. In previous years the criticism of these articles has generally been along the lines of "you didn't rank our s*** player high enough". Except for the season I included St. Johnstone's David McMillan...but who was proven right then, I ask you? So this is the ninth year we've ranked the duds signed by Scottish Premiership clubs. Rory Boulding, Stephane Bahoken, Jim Fenlon, Rodney Sneijder, Joey Barton, Eduardo
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Narey's Toepoker

Caley Thistle are collapsing towards relegation

Legend has it that Harold MacMillan, Prime Minister in the late nineteen-fifties, was once asked what is most likely to blow a government off course and replied "events, dear boy, events!" As in politics, so in life. And so in football, at least in Inverness. Make no mistake: Caley Thistle, their players and those who run the club have significant responsibility for their current plight too, but it has taken a perfect storm of factors, many of which are out of anyone's control, to leave them
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Narey's Toepoker

Premiership out of contract players: who will stay and who will go?

We have only a couple of months of the season left, and by my count there are - at the time of writing - 141 Premiership players whose contracts are up in the summer. With Covid having impacted finances there are going to be some big budgetary decisions at some clubs to come. And there are many well-known names - often club stalwarts - who may be at risk of the axe. Here's my take on who will stay and who will go...(as ever, I look forward to being proven completely and utterly wrong)  ABERD
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Narey's Toepoker

Celtic need to make sure this crisis becomes an opportunity

Right, the Neil Lennon era is finally over. The lame duck of the last several months has quacked its last. It would seem a bit cruel for someone to recount how it came to this, to rub salt into the wound... So now the question is: where do Celtic go from here? They are a distant second to Rangers, eighteen points adrift. They have no manager, no Director of Football and the new Chief Executive does not start until the summer. They have several key players likely to leave at the end of
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Narey's Toepoker

Aberdeen have gone stale under McInnes

Back in the olden days, when everything was in black and white - or maybe it just felt like that in Aberdeen at the start of the 2000s - I was a regular visitor at Pittodrie. One season under Ebbe Skovdahl the Dons finished fourth in the league; later on under Jimmy Calderwood they came fourth three times and third once. Other league finishes in the early years of the twenty-first century include eighth, eleventh, ninth, ninth, ninth, eighth. And of course there was Skovdahl's first campaign, wh
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Narey's Toepoker

Scottish football is (still) at a Covid crossroads

It is ten months since Covid forced Scottish football into lockdown. After all this time we still have no fans at matches, all divisions from League One downwards have been stopped until at least the end of January and the Scottish Cup has been halted. How depressing. And that is of course because of the even more miserable fact that Covid is still out there. Vaccination will hopefully provide a light at the end of the tunnel. But for Scottish football clubs that light cannot be reached quic
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Narey's Toepoker

A far-too-early attempt at predicting Scotland's Euros squad

It would be absolutely typical if having qualified for Euro 2020, with two games in Glasgow, Scotland weren't allowed to play in front of fans...or worse, that the tournament gets wiped out due to the ongoing pandemic. Still, here's hoping. There's still five months to go, but that hasn't stopped me taking a look at the candidates to make the final twenty-three man squad. I've broken it down by position and taken a look at who is already (injury permitting) certain to be in that twenty-t
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Narey's Toepoker

At last, Scotland are glorious without the failure

To be honest, I was ready to just pack it in. When Luka Jovic's header flew into the net, it felt like one heartbreak, one Glorious Failure too many. I just could not do it anymore. As Jovic celebrated, my mind was already racing ahead. The heads would be gone. We'd get creamed in extra time. If somehow we didn't, we'd screw up the penalties. I just couldn't be having with the agony of supporting Scotland any more. My wife is Northern Irish - perhaps I could just bring up my boys to support th
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Narey's Toepoker

At last, Scotland are glorious without the failure

To be honest, I was ready to just pack it in. When Luka Jovic's header flew into the net, it felt like one heartbreak, one Glorious Failure too many. I just could not do it anymore. As Jovic celebrated, my mind was already racing ahead. The heads would be gone. We'd get creamed in extra time. If somehow we didn't, we'd screw up the penalties. I just couldn't be having with the agony of supporting Scotland any more. My wife is Northern Irish - perhaps I could just bring up my boys to support th
hislopsoffsideagain

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Narey's Toepoker

Ten In A Row is in jeopardy - must Celtic switch manager to save it?

The last time Celtic lost three consecutive home matches, Margaret Thatcher was Prime Minister, Kylie Minogue was at number one with 'Tears On My Pillow' (no, I've never heard of it either) and Rangers were on their way to Two In A Row. Admittedly in the subsequent thirty years there won't have been many times when Celtic played back-to-back-to-back games at Celtic Park against teams of the quality of Rangers, Milan and, um, Sparta Prague, but still. How has it come to this? Yes, Ran
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Narey's Toepoker

Ten In A Row is in jeopardy - must Celtic switch manager to save it?

The last time Celtic lost three consecutive home matches, Margaret Thatcher was Prime Minister, Kylie Minogue was at number one with 'Tears On My Pillow' (no, I've never heard of it either) and Rangers were on their way to Two In A Row. Admittedly in the subsequent thirty years there won't have been many times when Celtic played back-to-back-to-back games at Celtic Park against teams of the quality of Rangers, Milan and, um, Sparta Prague, but still. How has it come to this? Yes, Ran
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Narey's Toepoker

2020/21 Scottish Championship preview

I did kinda already look at the Championship sides a month ago. What's changed? Not a lot. Hearts should stroll this. Even if their entire starting XI were ruled out with Covid the next eleven players up would still be stronger than everyone else. There has been a worrying hint of the same trait that dogged Robbie Neilson's Dundee United team last season - doing just enough to win and not a lot else, rather than blowing away opponents - but if that's the most negative thing I can come up
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    • Inverness CT -V- Raith Rovers - Preview

      Inverness CT -V- Raith Rovers - Preview

      tm4tj posted an article in Previews 2023-24,

      The great escape coninues on Friday night at the Caledonian Stadium as we host Raith Rovers in a game that will also be screened live on BBC Scotland with Raith trying to cling on to the coat tails of Dundee United and the Caley Jags looking to slither away from the play-off zone. What could possibly go wrong? Savage and Carragher will be joined in the squad by a welcome returnee in Sean McAllister who has returned fit from Everton after about six weeks out. That's a nice wee bonus for Big Dunc. However, he has the wrath from Arbroath after his "tools down" comment in his pre-match interview. As long as he has not got the wrath from Raith. Keep the faith!
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    • Queens Park 0-1 Inverness CT - Report

      Queens Park 0-1 Inverness CT - Report

      tm4tj posted an article in Reports 2023-24,

      Massive: Just under 1500 fans rattled around inside the national stadium for the proverbial six-pointer at the bottom of the table with Inverness looking to get out of the play-off place and Queens one point ahead at the start of the game. In a tense first half Cammy Harper scored a stunning free kick after Cillian Sheridan had handled 25 yards out. Boom! That's how it ended despite QP upping their game in the second period as Inverness kept them at bay.
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    • Queens Park -V- Inverness CT - Preview

      Queens Park -V- Inverness CT - Preview

      tm4tj posted an article in Previews 2023-24,

      Hampden Calling: Carragher is now a doubt after feeling his hamstring. Other than that not much has changed apart from Remi Savage, who has not recovered after he got a boot in the face from Cammy Kerr. Apparently Kerr's boot is OK but Savage is suffering from minor concussion and will miss the next couple of games. Maybe that was Kerr ensuring he gets a game this weekend.
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    • Inverness CT 2-1 Arbroath - Report

      Inverness CT 2-1 Arbroath - Report

      tm4tj posted an article in Reports 2023-24,

      Smokies Kippered: On a blustery day more akin to AA Milne and Winnie the Pooh, Arbroath and Inverness battled it out to see who would get the final nails hammered into their coffins. Arbroath were in the last chance snug in the last chance saloon, whilst Inverness have one foot in the grave. I don't believe it! Arbroath tried everything, they even took their own wind with them. However, they had Murray, Bird and Slater on from the start but O'Brien missed out. Zak Delaney also started for the Red Lichties. A bright opening spell saw Alex Samuel denied twice inside five minutes. Once by a combination of Max Boruc and his crossbar, the second by Boruc on his own as Samuel got his shot away from inside the box. Wallace Duffy got the goal we deserved on the interval as he drove across the keeper from the right side of the box to put us in ahead at the break. Leighton McIntosh restored parity on the hour as he drilled home from eighteen yards, but Alex Samuel won the points with a late strike to all but relegate ten man Arbroath who had Ricky Little sent off.
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    • Inverness CT -V- Arbroath - Preview

      Inverness CT -V- Arbroath - Preview

      tm4tj posted an article in Previews 2023-24,

      It's Now or Never: That's what Elvis used to say. We are in deep trouble up to our necks with no signs that we can turn this around. Defeat to Arbroath could be the final nail in our coffin with only fifteen points available to us ahead of this game. The play-offs are looking more likely by the minute, but it's not beyond the realms of possibilty that automatic relegation is still an option should Arbroath beat us on Saturday. With the long suffering fans rapidly losing faith in Big Dunc, it's crunch time as Arbroath head North to the venue they won at the last time they were here. Sadly they come to the Caledonian Stadium off the back of a 2-1 midweek defeat to Airdrie, and we could all but relegate them on Saturday with a win. However, that's nothing to gloat about as we could be next...
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