IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER

On and off the park.

They are watching it in the Iona.

There are some real feckin eejits posting rubbish these days.

Good idea as long as you liaise with Dr Smirnoff and my glass.

He does have a valid point though.

I can't believe it Dougal has booked in fer a petrissage so I can fit Lizi in fer a effleurage afterwards.

There is a market stall outside the Iona Bar that opens at 9.00pm and offers alcohol, legal highs, stress management and massage (females only except for King Beastie)

Sorry I have a rule that I never break. As a heterosexual male I rarely engage in a tactile manner with men due to my professionally entrenched inner feminity.. I do find that I am 85% more successful with women when I combine "talking therapies" with effleurage, petrissage, friction, tapotement and vibration.

IHE and Doctor Smirnoff are available for Stress Management sessions outside the Iona Bar on Sunday morning. As poor old King Beastie appears to be suffering more than most I will provide him with a free massage.

Where is the best place to park the IHEMobile in central Embra ?

The way I look at it this is the FIRST time that we have gone in to a MAJOR Cup Final as favourites. The only occasion that I feel that we have blown things was against Alloa. We were beaten JUST by Dundee, we took Pars to a replay and could be deemed unlucky and we missed a great chance last season but came up against a study side with a huge support behind them. I was very very DISAPPOINTED last season as I feel that we did go into that with a degree of over confidence. I don't think that it was nerves and I also feel that Butcher made some critical mistakes as well. I feel that we are more geared up this season and will be close to full strength. And I am getting in plenty of practice and if I fall it will not be short it will be full feckin length.

Alfresco rather than Allcrushedo

I can probably guarantee drinking copious ammounts of alcohol to compensate for one bus load of passengers.

What are you doing when ya get to Embra - I am booked in to Princes Street Travelodge ?

WE DONT NEED THEM

Oh great - a return to the days of oranges injected with voddie and the irn bru bottles laced with even more voddie. I may even open a street market stand and call it Howdies Howitzers.

The only shoot out that I am looking forward to is the celebratory Jäger Bomb line up in central Embra on a lazy Sunday afternoon, hopefully leading to a hazy Sunday evening. That would be brill.

3.30 am on a feckin Stag Night - loser

And if we feckin do win or if we feckin don't we can always get feckin ratersed and you are all cordially invited to join me on both occasions becos travel, tickets and/or cost are not a feckin consideration becos I will be feckin there. R.S.V.P.

Fer fecks sake we will NOT need penalties.

And who gives a feck how many tickets that we have shifted. Anybody in attendance this weekend will be witnessing a piece of club history that may well NEVER be repeated. Get yer feckin erses down to Embra and sing yer feckin lungs out.

Well this is probably the post that many wanted to make but were too fearful too. We were on a considerably more level playing field with the Jam Tarts last season and we frankly blew it and then we blew it the feckin week after as well. As far as I am concerned we should be marching in to a League Cup Final and a Scottish Cup Quarter Final in the equivalent week this season. Personally I am more worried about Stranraer than I am about the Jam Tarts. Come on - on paper, on form, with as close to a first eleven as we would have wanted - this is ours fer the feckin taking. BELIEVE

Iona inside or outside - open at 09.00 - although they don't know that yet.

This is going to be our BIG day and if it does not work out that way I will show ma erse all the way down Easter Road.