Gringo

The flies didn't make it either then?

I heard a report that were playing footy in a saucer and weren't doing very well, they we're told to get their act togther as they were playing in the Cup soon.... :017:

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Must go shopping......1 x Bottle of Glenfiddich, 1 x Box of 500 Paracetomol. That should do it...

Good luck to you all in your new venture in the fair city of Inverness.....

Bestards...

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Good point....but what would you do with the Mars Bars? :001:

Somehow I can't see Dundee Utd being in the relegation dog fight. To me it looks like Pars, St Mirren and Falkirk in the scrap but this is footy afterall and we all know what bookies odds can be like.

I bet Scotland is the safest place to drive right now then?... :015: :015:

...but the sale of 'Believe' bars has increased ten fold.... :015: :015: :004:

A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.

He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.

"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes" answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?"

The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.

"Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never happened before."

The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.

The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?" says the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the

chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.

Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this

time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.

"What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?" The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.

"I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you

can still be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it" he asked.

Nahh" said the bloke,

"I'm just a really bad conductor"

So that's where the chant came from then.... :015: :015:

Probably an old one - courtesy of Comedy Central :-

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that." "It's worse than that, father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."

The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question ."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

I have to agree with CDN Girl on her selection of the Cottage Tandoori. Mrs G and me go there almost every time we visit the fair city. We have also tried the Shapla and Rhaja which did not disappoint in any way with the food - we always favour the smaller, more friendly, atmosphere of the cottage.

I've not tried any of the Chineese venues but I do recall having an excellent Sweet and Sour chicken in Dickens Restaurant on Church Street once.

Always sad to hear these horror stories of injury but, I suppose, it comes with the teritory. A footballers career is very short at the best of times and for a lad like this to suffer this and such a low wage is tragic. I wish the lad all the very best and hope the op' is a success and he can continue to earn a few quid on the park.

Bonzo,

IHE loves you really - its just his way of letting you know. He's just a ***** cat....so, go chase him around, it'll save him having to go to a gym. :001:

Can't quite remember my first car but, I think, it was a red Tri-Ang thing with two pedals at the front. I don't recall it having any brakes either!!! :004:

Probably more ICT fans in the Midlands than Baggies fans...boing boing! :004:

Fantastic result for Englnad last night - there's no stopping us now.

We're gonna win the cup

We're gonna win the cup

And now yer gotto believe us......

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I'm up there on 29 July...hint hint... :004: :004: Seems like a nice time of the year to me.

Looking for cheap fuel?

Check out this web site (below) - it claims to search for the cheapest fuel in your given area. Could save you a few bob. It seems to work ok for me. Its free to sign up and they'll e-mail you each week with an update. Worth a try eh!

http://www.petrolprices.com/

NO - I'm on the night shift... :004: :001:

Ah Haaa!...so that's why your leaving Leicester then??????

Drink lots n lots n lots of water.....then go for a walk to Carrbridge... :004:

oh the fun we're going to have on the beach!!!!!!!!

Ooooer, such is competition! ....reckon i'll just bring me bucket n spade.... :009: :009:

Good point - we bang on about our famous 1-3 back in Feb 2000 don't we?

Well done Bonzo.

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Got to agree with that CD. Although I'd like to see my country do well its the media hype that really gets my goat too. There are times I want my country to screw it up just to see those media types crawl back under their shells.