Gringo

We always used to stop in Pitlochry on the way back up the road and go to the chippie that was a few hundred yards up the hill just off the main street ... never the one at the other end of the village.

Yes, I know the one, we've used that a few times and has always been good....well, better than the one on the main street anyway.

"I think I need a huuuuug"

According to reports the NHS are to introduce 'on line' eyesight tests for dedicated football fans. They seem to think that many fans strain their eyes during games.

A trial verion can be found below.

Free eye test trial

I've always found the West End chippy one of the best (never used to be mind) in Inverness.

Used the Chip Inn in Nairn a few times too....didn't this place close down last year or was it just a temp' closure?

Well that's ok then.... :004:

A man boarded an aircraft at Heathrow and took his seat. As he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He realised she was heading straight towards his seat and bingo! She took the seat right beside him. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or Holiday?" She turned, smiled enchantingly and said "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States".

He swallowed hard... here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish.

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and quiet.....

"I'm sorry," she said, "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said...

"Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."

Somebody said the divorce was something to do with cheating at Twister...

.....

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A young newly wed couple wanted to join a church. The reverend told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month. The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying and the husband obviously very depressed.

“You are back so soon... Is there a problem?" the Reverend enquired.

"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month...." the young man replied sadly.

The Reverend asked him what happened.

"Well, the first week was difficult.... However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible.... anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there." Admitted the man, shamefacedly.

"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the Reverend.

"We know." said the young man, hanging his head.

"We're not welcome at Homebase either.

Apparently this is a 'serious' document issued by Doncaster West NHS

Rotherham are at home

A few surprises in the England team there....

That's B team....talking of which I suppose you saw the match last night did you? Now that was funny.... :004:

Now there's an interesting angle...hmmm... :024:

ENGLAND SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2006

John Smith

Lager Lout, Hooli Gan, Thu Garry, P Head

B Moaner, V B Moaner, Brew XI, Mild

Morecambe & Wise

Subs: A Askey, P Kaye, Cannon & Ball, Lee Evans, Bill Maynard, Bernard Manning, Jim Davidson, Jim Bowen

Sven said "If Rooney plays he may get a cortisone injection", Beckham heard this and said "If Wayne's aving a new car then I feckin want one".

That's what I like...an exciting debate about the Aviemore nightlife. Just about sums it up really doesn't it...?? :015: :015:

Anyway, as I said to the nurse who was attending to my piles - Just because you've got my ring on your finger doesn't mean to say we are married!

:004:

Whatever you do DON'T go to the Old Bridge Inn for a meal, its expensive and it wouldn't feed a hungry man. (It wouldn't feed a dog either).

To me Aviemore is about as exciting as piles but, wherever you go, have a nice time....I found the Winking Owl and the Cairngorm Hotel ok for beer but goodness knows where the night life is (if there is any). :004:

Although some Scottish football fans want England to do well in the World Cup....

Really??? Were they pished at the time???? We should be told.... :004:

Just knicked this off the works forum....

Sweet Child O Mine - Michael Jackson

I'm forever blowing bubbles - Michael Jackson

I like driving in my car - T Rex

D.I.V.O.R.C.E - Paul McCartney

Jailhouse Rock - Gary Glitter

Twisting by the pool - Michael Barrymore

:015: :015:

That I like....it could catch on you know. Better let the singing section know.

This could compete with 'Oh Inverness is wonderful......bridge....castle....'

Then again, maybe not eh!

A still do that today when the opportunity presents itself... :015:

Can't remember a thing. Probably out playing footy or climbing a tree somewhere no doubt.

I remember Harry Worth though....quality.

Ooops! :017: :015:

Just been on North Tonight - sounds like the 'dream' is over for now.

feckin english lol

Ahh, you love us really....

KB you should have said yes....and then played really badly!

Or you could have pulled out at the last minute, blaming a metatarsal.

Now, I do like one.... :015:

The last car I had came in a box with 'Corgi' written on the side of it. :001: :004: