Yogi writes for you exclusivley in the Record

I went total radge on seturday, likesay, because we got beat 2-0 against Killie, ken, I telt ma players they were all fur coat an nae knickers, ken. I phoned ma mate Arsene Wenger, who i pestered at a uefa junket in paris, an he telt me to get the best oot ma players, i was tae give them a quaruple training session yesterday while they all had their index fingers up their erses, and we will reap the benefits against killie tonight in the CIS cup. Ah hud a beer wi ma mate Jim Jeffries efter the game on seturday, ken. I admire Jeffries cos he is an experienced manager an that, likesay. I picked his brains for managerial tips and i ran my tactics for the CIS semi final past him, ken. I plan to use baith ma wide men doon the channels tae feed ma striker and i am gonny adopt a zonal marking system. Alan Gow is goin tae play in a secret free role that naebody kens aboot an that. Gow is magic and we have turned doon offers from Rangers, wolves and AC Milan and i wulnae accept anything less than 14 million fur him, ken.

This is excellent HC, I can actually hear him saying this as I read your translation.

I actually have a lot of time for Yogi as a manager and a person, same I do with all honest people.

Like he say's eh. Gowser's  nay gona go unlez Frankie Lampard comes in tay Falkirk.