CaleyJulz

shmb give me a yelln when yer free to play pleaseeeeeeee .

Oh my heavens that Richardo should be knighted tomorrow SIR RICHARDO !!

Someone call greenpeace please.

I am getting really worried about the loons that post on this forum. I thought i had issues but seems someone has more than me .I feel loads better now. :001:

Right im going on sunday night one i manage to park my vodka scooter i will put the one foot on the floor to the test will get ma wooly socks out to keep ma foot warm and will tell ya if it works .

My vodka scooter will be in use on sunday in the pubs of inverness i think just hope the sat navs mended so that i get home and can try the stop this feckin room spinning test .

Dad just went upstairs lay on me bed and if i sleep right at the edge my foot just makes the floor but that could be a bit dodgy as i might fall out my bed .

I got told a wee trick to stop that spinning feeling when yer in yer bed drunk not sure if its true or was someone takin the *beep* well you sleep with one leg on the floor but i always forget as i just fall in too me bed and forget and think god please stop this room spinning i think the one leg on the floor is to get to the loo quicker if yer gonna throw up. I musy try this might be going out sunday night so if i remember i will try.

SHMB when you free to play .

GUY FAQ'S Q: What Are The Small Bumps Around A Woman's Nipples For? A: Its Braille For "Suck Here". Q: Why Did God Give Men Penises? A: So They'd Have At Least One Way To Shut A Woman Up. Q: What Is An Australian Kiss? A: It Is The Same As A French Kiss, But Only Down Under. Q: What Do You Do With 365 Used Condoms? A: Melt Them Down, Make A Tire, And Call It A Goodyear. Q: Why Can't You Trust A Woman? A: How Can You Trust Something That Bleeds For Five Days And Doesn't Die? Q: Why Are Hurricanes Normally Named After Women? A: When They Come They're Wild And Wet, But When They Go They Take Your House And Car With Them. Q: What's The Speed Limit Of Sex? A: 68; At 69 You Have To Turn Around. Q: Why Do Girls Rub Their Eyes When They Get Up In The Morning? A: They Don't Have Balls To Scratch. Why am I married? You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man." When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late." Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. First guy says, "My wife's an angel!" Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive." A Woman's Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death " Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the **** up."

JULIEANNISCO WITH FULL TITLE

Will deffo be at sheffield united one as taking eldest troll for her Birthday as its dat before so will probs be hungover!!She wants to go to the county game to so i might just stay drunk. As for the time thing i can tell the time just forget to put ma watch on or set time on phone .

Ohhhhh and theres me to !!!

Yes rig its funny but i like green wing

Lol this will be a long weekend for me 2 games drinking sessions and to top it of kids birthday beastie when we having our session i mean drinking one ???

I will be there with ma trolls.

Jnr the answer is shes a mug if she got ya the beer in the first place i would never do that .I would be sitting watching the footie to.!!

Two lines When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, 'I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter.' Soon, the women were gone and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 10,000 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man named Bobcat. God said, 'You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him.' God turned to Bobcat, 'How did you manage to be the only one in this line?' Bobcat replied..... 'My wife told me to stand here!'

I wonder how many blokes of here will print that off.

This is the Caleyness twins vodka scooters and look we even allowed to park in clubs/pubs which club is in the background ??? Sis they due for mot must tell them the sat nav on mine is way dodgy. THE CALEYNESS TWINS VODKA SCOOTERS. [img width=331 height=400]

Ohhhhhh heavens my vodka scooter is gonna go rusty wasnae out last weekend and this weeknd aint sure yet!!

Oi Broomers its not me that forgets where I live its the sat nav on my Vodka scooter as i said its broken at the moment. [move][glow=red,2,300]Must got Vodka Scooter sorted.!![/glow][/move] 2)I have once lost a shoe but lucky for me i found it o therwise i would have been hopping home . 6)In my younger days i used to bump into people on their way to work. 19)I never miss my mouth thats just a waste of drink of course. 4)And last but not least i aint snogged the ugly bloke .

The football pitch with the hill in the background and row of houses with the white gate is in Ardersier if thats any use .Could tell ya few stories about that football pitch. !!

TO ME....TO YOU....TO ME ....TO YOU ....TO ME......TO YOU !!!

Happy birthday Last Week Was My Birthday And I Didn't Feel Very Well Waking Up That Morning. I Went Downstairs For Breakfast Hoping My Wife Would Be Pleasant And Say, "happy Birthday!", And Possibly Have A Present For Me. As It Turned Out, She Barely Said Good Morning, Let Alone "happy Birthday." I Thought... Well, That's Marriage For You, But The Kids Will Remember. My Kids Came Into Breakfast And Didn't Say A Word. So When I Left For The Office, I Was Feeling Pretty Low And Somewhat Despondent. As I Walked Into My Office, My Secretary Jane Said, "good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday!" It Felt A Little Better That At Least Someone Had Remembered. I Worked Until One O'clock And Then Jane Knocked On My Door And Said, "you know, It's Such A Beautiful Day Outside, And It's Your Birthday, Let's Go Out To Lunch, Just You And Me." I Said, "thanks Jane, That's The Greatest Thing I've Heard All Day. Let's Go!" We Went To Lunch. But We Didn't Go Where We Normally Would Go. We Dined Instead At A Little Place With A Private Table. We Had Two Martinis Each And I Enjoyed The Meal Tremendously On The Way Back To The Office, Jane Said, "you Know, It's Such A Beautiful Day... We Don't Need To Go Back To The Office, Do We?" I Responded, "I Guess Not. What Do You Have In Mind?" She Said, "let's Go To My Apartment." After Arriving At Her Apartment Jane Turned To Me And Said, "boss, If You Don't Mind, I'm Going To Step Into The Bedroom For A Moment. I'll Be Right Back." "ok." I Nervously Replied. She Went Into The Bedroom And, After A Couple Of Minutes, She Came Out Carrying A Huge Birthday Cake... Followed By My Wife, Kids, And Dozens! Of My Friends And Co-workers, All Singing "happy Birthday". And I Just Sat There... On The Couch... Naked **Thread Title shortened as it was stretching the forum - CaleyD**