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Maroon 5 It might be a good name for a band, but it is not a great score to be on the wrong end of. Inverness were simply overrun by a rampant Hearts who were in Festival mood and handed us our worst defeat on the road for ages. Former Inverness favourite Don Cowie opened the scoring early in the first half and Conor Sammon added a second soon after. It got worse after the interval as Cowie scored on the restart and Sam Nicholson scored a quickfire double to leave us floundering. Ross Draper notched the proverbial consolation goal as the game ran away from us leaving the visiting fans none too happy with the fare they witnessed from Richie Foran's side. Immortal Howden Ender was less than impressed after making his way from Chorley to witness this shambles. His initial thoughts have found their way into the report, but after chilling out, he has a brief summary of the days events which were going well until he entered Tynecastle. ***Warning***. This report is not for the faint hearted. TOOTHLESS CALEY THISTLE This is how the report would have read if I had typed it last night - "MATCH REPORT - Home Safe - Pishedd but ICT were pisheddedder" Well were do I feckin start - Lets look at this comment first - Inverness Caledonian Thistle manager Richie Foran: "I don't think it was a 5-1. We had more chances on goal today than we had in the previous three games, but you've got to put the ball in the net." It could actually have been 25-5. We were slaughtered. It was embarrassing. 44% possession but NO width and NO penetration. 13 shots on goal and 7 on target - for on target add weak or directly at keeper. 7 corners all aimed at Gary Warren. Fer fecks sake. "They had that bit more belief when they had their chances. That's what we lacked." And where do they get that belief from. Sure Rice was barking orders but that is lukewarm. Foran looked like a feckin mannequin. Take the feckin suit off and give them laldy. Be more of Foran the nasty, snarling player, forget they were team mates and give them some good old Irish bollockings. "We had too many players underperforming as well. I've got to take a big part of the blame for that as well - I picked the team, I picked the tactics, I picked the training through the week." Fair enuff - Neither Butcher or Hughes would have said that. But the tactics are WRONG. However, we don't have any real replacements. I thought "If it was me - how could I change it ?" - Only by being ruthless and perhaps playing the yoof. "These players have proven over the years they are top players, but I'm not getting the best out of a few of them at the moment, so I'll take the blame for today." That is a fellow player talking - a buddy - a friend - not a manager. The blame will rest with Foran in the end but we have some of his old buddies playing cards in the feckin trenches. There are some who frankly are not playing for the shirt becos they probably think - "well who else is there". Apart from Warren and Tremarco NOBODY else looked like they were giving 100% - please refer to Grumpometer, because there is NOTHING to smile about !! So the only positive about yesterday was pre-match. Great to have trains running from Englandshire all the way to Embra. Great to be at a game again. And great to see many of the old faces and enjoy a dram or twenty. But then I had to go to Tynecastle - in the Over 65 gate though with the adult Mantis So to the game. Lets summarise. We made Don Cowie look like Wayne Rooney and Conor Sammon look like Slatan Ibrahimovic. Nuff feckin said. We played some neat stuff for 7 minutes. I don't know about anybody else but I hate that 1-2 touch technique fresh off the training ground. Toothless. And then I am sitting there looking at two banks of four that would have won a Synchronised gold feckin medal. But then it didn't change. It stayed like that. And I thought to myself - Somebody with guile will suss that and the olde 1-2 will be easy peasy. And then it was delivered by those two masters of skill - Cowie and Sammon - Fer fecks sake!! And then we allow Cowie time to measure and deliver a cross to a totally unmarked Ibrahimovic who rose UNMARKED like a majestic flounder at the back post. 2-0 and GAME feckin over. But did we pull up our sleeves and show what we were made off. NO we feckin didn't. We sat back and admired. We did not have the energy to press and we had holes all over the place. We were second to every ball. And we did get a chance - which we did - we fluffed the lines like an Amateur Dramatics line up in the West End. The lights were too bright for Boden (especially), Warren and Draper. GRUMPOMETER!! Von Willems - Looked like a POW at the back. Starved off confidence but equally starved of protection. Appeared too weak to shout and cajole the culprits in front of him. To be fair he had little chance with the goals but he is "invisible" to me. And why - oh why - the feck did he come out with Esson early at half time. WHY? Well should have been to change feckin jerseys. Raven - Sorry Mr Hughes - you were right !! Warren - 100% no doubt but 120% is too much. Too eager to get forward and left Meekings stranded at times. Meekings - Simply was NOT 100 % fit. He must have thought - who is the geezer at right back and where are the people who are supposed to be in front of me!! Tremarco - My MotM if only for determination and not putting his head down. Polworth - Why oh feckin why play him wide left. End of. Tansey - Shocking Draper - Drifted in and out of the game - said it a long time ago but Draper + Tansey does not equate. Vigurs - Why oh why play him in the feckin "hole". Totally wasted and he gave up. Mulraney - I was looking forward to see him play. Well he looked like a white Mutombo with less awareness. Nuff said. Cramp after an hour and stretchered off. *****. Boden Proven goalscorer in the lower English leagues. BUT he is NOT a feckin lone striker. And he had NO support. He did a lot of good running off the ball and got in positions to score twice before half time. Sure he fecked them both up but he got in that goalscoring position. Looked the most likely to score and what to we do. We feckin SUB him !! So take Fisher on and hook Mulraney and help out Boden. Too feckin simple. And Fisher looked and is a target man but NOT a lone striker. Great overhead kick attempt though Little Jack Horner should have been kept sitting in the feckin corner. Nice to see Doran back and he HAS to start next week which means that he wont. And I thought that McLean was very lenient. And we still amassed 4 needless yellows which bodes well for future suspensions!! Thanks IHE, I take it you were less than impressed then. Look away now...... Date: 20/08/16 Venue: Tynecastle Stadium, Edinburgh Attendance: 15880 Referee: Steven McLean Hearts: 5 Lineup: Hamilton; Paterson, Rherras, Souttar, Rossi, Nicholson, Cowie (Muirhead, 80), Djoum, Kitchen (Buaben 68), Watt, Sammon (Johnsen, 72) Subs (not used): Noring, Ozturk, Smith, Nowak Scorers: Cowie (7,47), Sammon (18), Nicholson (78,79) Booked: Kitchen (29) Sent Off: none Inverness CT: 1 Lineup: Fon Williams; Raven (Horner, 59), Meekings, Warren, Tremarco, Draper, Tansey, Mulraney (Doran, 64), Vigurs, Polworth, Boden (Fisher, 53) Subs (not used): Esson, Brown Scorers: Draper (87) Booked: Tremarco (11), Mulraney (12), Polworth (40), Horner (77) Sent Off: none abca

POINTS NEEDED URGENTLY It's off to the Capital on Saturday to visit Tynecastle for a 15:00 kick off as Inverness face the Jam Tarts, where we will be looking to get our season off and running. Old Caley Girl has been running the rule over the teams ahead of this one and had penned this Preview. If you ask most Caleyjags fans to name their favourite away day Tynecastle is normally top of the list. The mood is despondent at the moment, unfortunately, but hopefully Caleyaway will turn out in large numbers as is normally the case in Edinburgh. The league campaign hasn’t really gone the way we had all hoped it would this far and the fixtures for Foran’s men are not getting any easier. Last week’s derby loss was a hard one to take especially given the lack of passion seemingly on display. Our small squad seems to be straining at the seams already and the news that Kevin McNaughton has a serious Achilles injury was a further blow. Due to the lack of options at present, predicting our team is not really a challenging task. Losing 3 goals to our neighbours will hopefully add to the determination to tighten up at the back with OFW in particular needing a morale boosting performance. I’ve heard a few comments lately suggesting the club should have retained Dean Brill as number one keeper so it is up to Owain to prove that the decision made was indeed the correct one. Josh Meekings turned out in a friendly on Tuesday v Nairn but whether he is fit enough to be risked a start here is doubtful. Therefore a back four of Horner, Raven, Warren and Tremarco looks likely. The midfield should line up the same as against County and I think most fans feel that Ross Draper should be the first name on the team sheet, being one of the few who gained any pass marks last Saturday. Up front the jury is out re our strikers but Boden appears to be hard working and hopefully will come good. No Billy King this week due to SPFL rules so up to Richie who comes in with choices of Polworth, Doran or Mulraney. Hearts appear in good shape this season however, rumours persist of Neilson being a puppet on a string for Craig Levein and their fans have high expectations. Up front they look very healthy with new signings Tony Watt and Conor Sammon. They apparently, have the opposite problem to us with trying to accommodate their large squad. They will try and stretch us at the back from the off and not losing an early goal is vital. The crowd will be quick to get on their backs if we can strike the first blow. It is early days for us but getting points on board is getting urgent. It’s hard to see where a win will come from and even a point from Tynecastle could be seen as a good result. The one thing I’m hoping for is a bit of fight and passion which surely a Foran team should be able to show. OCG Prediction – Hoping for a win but would settle for draw. We do not want to get marooned at the foot of the table this early in the season. NB – Tickets now available on the day at Tynecastle. Pity it took so long for common sense to prevail.

We're bottom of the league and you're no Inverness were embarrassed for the third time in a week as local rivals Ross County won the Highland derby 3-2 at the Caledonian Stadium. Inverness were a shambles in the first half as County went two goals ahead through a Liam Boyce double, assisted by an absent defence. Scott Boden scored a hotly disputed goal for Inverness just before the break. However, Boyce completed his hat-trick in the second minute of the second half with his markers deserting their posts once more. Ross Draper reduced the deficit after 65 minutes, but County held on to earn a deserved victory and leave Inverness rooted to the foot of the table after two games. hislopsoffsideagain posted this on the forum, and it's too accurate not to use. If you weren't at the match, don't let the scoreline fool you into thinking this was a close game. 3-2 flattered us; if County had won by three or four there would have been little to complain about. Other than the abysmal performance, of course... We looked completely unprepared for this game. County always press us high up the pitch right at the start..yet we didn't seem to have anticipated this at all. We barely got out of our own half in the first quarter of the game, because we kept giving the ball away or having to punt aimless long balls. All of the goals we conceded were dreadful in their own way. We may as well have not had any defenders on the park at the first goal. Gardyne was allowed lots of space and time to cross and Boyce was inexplicably unmarked about eight yards out. McNaughton had been marking him, yet ended up about three yards away from him and miles underneath the ball. The second goal might have been prevented had we not taken so long over substituting McNaughton (who took ages to limp off) that we had to play with 10 men. It was a great first touch and finish by Boyce though, but if we'd not been playing a defender short it probably would have been preventable. Despite the fact that McNaughton clearly couldn't continue, Foran didn't bother summoning Horner for a good minute or two afterward. Amateurish. For what it's worth, Raven (who Gardyne had on toast in the opening 15 mins) was a far better centre-back than McNaughton. The third goal, the obligatory soft-goal-conceded-from-a-set-piece (three games in a row now!) was completely deflating, coming right at the start of the second half. The long punt forward hung in the air for aeons. Any half-decent keeper, and most lousy ones, would have come for it and claimed it. Fon Williams stayed rooted to his line. Worryingly, Warren was beaten remarkably easily in the air by Boyce. Earlier, Fon Williams handled outside his box, but the ref played advantage and County inexplicably missed with the goal gaping. Had it not been for the advantage, the keeper might have seen red instead of the subsequent yellow. As for us, it sounds like our first goal was extremely fortunate, as County fans (and a few ICT ones) are saying the ref blew his whistle for an apparent infringement before Boden scored, only to change his mind after the ball went in and he'd spoken to his linesman. The County players were absolutely incensed. The second was a great hit by Draper, but apart from a goalline clearance from Cikos shortly after, we didn't really look like scoring. Full Time 2-3 Lots and lots and lots to worry about. The body language from the players was terrible. It was striking that, during stoppages from injuries, the County players were receiving instruction and encouragement from their bench, whilst our management team stood with arms folded and our players wandered away from each other with hands on hips and heads down. No-one looked like they wanted the ball except Boden, who rarely got it within about ten yards of where he was, and Tremarco, who was the only other player worth a pass mark. We had four very decent midfielders on the pitch - Draper, Tansey, Polworth and Vigurs - all of whom were really poor in possession. Anyone watching that fiasco could make the mistake of thinking that we had a rookie manager who was way out of his depth... ps, if you notice I have Andrew Dallas down as the referee. I'm not so sure he is one after a totally incompetent performance from an official who had no understanding or control over the game. In a display of total inadequacy he booked nine players overall in what was not a dirty game. Shame on you Dallas. From County TV --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Inverness CT - 2 - Boden (45) Draper (65) Fon Williams, Raven, Tremarco, McNaughton (Horner 27), Warren, Polworth, Draper, Vigurs (Doran 75), Tansey, Boden, King (Mulraney 56). Subs not used: Esson (GK), Brown, Fisher, Sutherland. Ross County: - 3 - Boyce (7, 26, 47) Fox, Cikos, Routis, McEveley, Gardyne (Franks 90), Woods, Boyce (McShane 90), Curran (Schalk 87), Foster, Davies, Quinn. Subs not used: McCarey (GK), Dingwall, Graham, van der Weg. Referee: Andrew Dallas. Attendance: 4204.

Highland Derby Day Second League game of the season and it's derby day already with Ross County making the short trip over the Kessock Bridge to face Inverness Caledonian Thistle. Close Both sides have made a poor start to the League on matchday one taking zero points and both sides exited the Betfred League Cup. I'm not sure who made the biggest hash of that, County failing to get out of their group stage or Inverness failing to beat Alloa, the side that also topped County's group. It's early days yet in the Foran revolution, but the last two results have taken the shine off the free scoring results of the previous fortnight. Instead, we reverted to type and have created little in our last two games for the fans to enthuse over. Our normally reliable defence has shown some frailties and we have conceded a couple of avoidable goals. Josh Meekings has still to make an appearance and should help to toughen up the back four, with maybe the reprieved David Raven the one who will make way when Meekings proves his fitness. Midfield has been discussed in depth with Ross Draper only making the bench in our last couple of games, presumably carrying a slight knock. Jake Mulraney has been closely watched as word got out about his pace and trickery, so much so that he has been ineffective in the last two. Our common concern is still regarding our lack of striking quality, with both Scott Boden and Alex Fisher having a go, but neither setting the heather on fire. However, it was good to see Aaron Doran emerging from his injury nightmare and getting back on the park against Alloa as a late substitution. County have lost the services of the hard driving midfielder Jackson Irvine who is off to Burton Albion. Another midfielder Rocco Quinn has gone to Paisley and Stewart Murdoch has joined Dundee United. In come defenders Jay McEveley from Sheffield United, Kenny van der Weg from Breda and Erik Cikos of Slovan Bratislava, Goalkeeper Aaron McCarey replaces the departed Gary Woods. So, Jim McIntyre has prioritised in defence, but has not yet replaced the huge midfield gap left by the loss of Irvine and Co. We have held the upper hand in the derby, winning all three last season although County did take advantage of our injury crisis and put us out of the League Cup. It is too early to gauge how either side will perform, but on the basis of their exploits so far, it's not looking too promising for either set of fans. The Staggies look to be setting their stall out to defend in numbers, but do we have the guile to break them down. I hope Mulraney will be given a free role on the wide pitch and Billy King can operate effectively on the other flank. Ross Draper is a must for these games, if nothing else he annoys the County fans. Making a prediction is difficult just one game into the season, so I will sit on the fence and go for a share of the points whilst hoping we can root County to the bottom of the table. ***Note Reminder : Home fans needing to purchase tickets tomorrow should do so from the Ticket Office BEFORE going to the turnstiles. @RCFCStaggies Matchday Tickets : Cash sales at the South Stand Kiosk, Card Sales at the Main Ticket Office. 7 hours ago

Alloa Dump Sad Inverness The Wasps dumped Inverness out of the League Cup with a 1-0 win at the Indodrill Recreation Park Stadium. This was another inept display by Richie Foran's side who were given another chance en block to make amends for their poor showing at Partick, but nothing changed as the League One side scrambled the winner in the first half through Jason Marr. The visitors were unable to take control of the game and struggled to create much of note and Alloa held on for the win. Congratulations to Alloa who continue a six game winning streak since relegation at the end of last season. Shame on you Inverness who appear to be clueless with Richie Foran's honeymoon period coming to an end quicker than expected. We had a couple of keen observers on hand to relate the tale. Alternative Maryhill and Rig saw it like this and put their thoughts down on paper. Very poor tonight said A M. Going forward, Mulraney looked lightweight and on the rare occasion where he managed to get space to cross, his final ball was poor. King was slightly better, but the potential impact of both players seemed to be limited by the fact that they were played on the wrong wings - Mulraney, as a pacey left footer, should surely be allowed to use his pace to get to the bye-line and swing balls in with his left foot, while King contributed little from the left in the first half but looked a bit more effective when he was eventually switched to the right in the second. Where we really lost the game, though, was in the centre of the park: Polworth looked OK driving forward but both his and Tansey's distribution was poor, and neither seemed able to anticipate passes played into their opponents' feet or impose themselves physically; we at least had more of the play when Draper came on in the second half. We also allowed Alloa to push us back too deep in the first half in particular, and while they didn't create too many chances, there was too much scrappy, last ditch defending. McNaughton reads the game well, but his distribution was poor tonight, and he doesn't dominate opposing attackers the way Meekings can. As soon as Meekings is fit, he needs to come back into the team, and after tonight, Foran will hopefully also accept that we are a stronger team when Draper starts, whether it is Vigurs, Polworth or Mulraney who gives way. It was good to see Doran back as a second-half sub, although he didn't do a great deal, and Fisher had a few good touches and might be worth a start in place of Boden, who had a poor evening. Rig added: Not really much else to add other than we seemed utterly intent on trying to force the ball up the middle of the pitch which was bizarre given that we actually have wingers for the first time in forever to try and whip crosses in. In the second half especially, after Doran had come on and King was switched to the right flank (presumably to stop him cutting inside all the time from the left) we still tried to go right down the throat of the Alloa side and with Goodwin in there that was always going to be a tall order. Really strange that we didn't try and stretch Alloa more by playing with more width but given how excellent they were last night in a defensive sense I think they still would have held firm quite easily. The second half was like one of those overload training exercises given how much of the ball we had and how often we were camped in the Alloa side of the pitch. That said, it is also an exercise we would have failed badly at given how wasteful we were with the ball. Over the course of the 90 minutes I can recall a good shot in the first half from Polworth, a Vigurs (half?) volley in the second after a Fisher knock down and a late effort poked wide by Vigurs and that was it really. Fifteen shots on goal and only two on target. That's very poor. I thought Alloa were superb. You can argue they didn't offer too much in an attacking sense particularly in the second half but they were fantastic across the back completely neutralising our (limited) attacking play and their midfield dominated for most of the game although we got a wee bit of an edge back when Draper came on. Still, all the possession we had is only good if you do something with it. Our wasteful attacking play meant we didn't deserve to go through and Alloa rightly progressed. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks guys. A hugely disappointing result for Inverness and with a local derby coming up this weekend, no time to dwell on this result. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Venue: Recreation Park, Alloa, Date 09th August 2016, kick off 19:30 Alloa Athletic - 1 (Jason Marr 28) Starting Xl: Parry, Taggart, Waters, Graham, Marr, Goodwin, Longworth (Cawley 46) Robertson, Spence (Layne 81), Kirkpatrick (Holmes 76), Flannigan. Subs: McDowall, Wilson, Hoggan, Hetherington, Holmes, Layne, Cawley. Inverness CT - 0 Starting XI: Fon Williams; Raven, McNaughton, Warren, Tremarco, Tansey, Polworth (Doran 74), King, Vigurs, Mulraney (Draper 46), Boden (Fisher 60), Subs: Mackay, Horner, Brown, Draper, Doran, Sutherland, Fisher. Referee: Don Robertson Crowd: 613