From todays Scotsman:

EDINBURGH PREPARES FOR A HIGHLAND INVASION

BY EWEN "SQUIRREL" MCMURRAY

Lothian and Borders Police have today announced that the force will be cancelling all leaves for Saturday 11th September 2010, as Leith prepares itself in readiness for a potential human hurricane. The National Criminal Intelligence Unit (NCIU) has received reliable information which suggests that two of the most notorious football "firms" in Scotland are planning to stage a full membership "union" - called the Gathering - at the Hibernian versus Inverness Caledonian Thistle SPL league game.

The two firms - "The Mob" and "The Sesh Army" have been rumoured to have been in the throes of amalgamation for several months, and Police Surveillance Units have noted that there has been an increasing mingling of the two factions at recent ICT away fixtures.

Bob Plod of the NCIU stated that "There has been evident increasing activity at many of the recent ICT matches where incidents have been monitored, reprted and observed - A fun loving Greenpeace Steward was jostled, hustled and abused at Greenock; a faction of the ICT support stood and chanted incessantly at Dumfries, the frivolity and pitch invasions carried out in Ayr were reminiscent of Wembley 1977 and there were mass expulsions from Tannadice where a steward was rushed to hospital with a scratched tupperware box."

PC Plod advised members of the public to avoid direct confrontation but reassured them that many of the potential noise makers were fairly easily recognised - half of them are bald and fat and the others are young and trendy. Their apparent battle cry is "Stand Up For The Caley Jags" and the noise levels and atmospheric problems appear to increase when they perform their War dance or "Haka" which has the curious tradition of taking off one of their shoes and waving it in the air.

Meanwhile the Leith Central Community Council met urgently yesterday. They are arranging for all local residents to be issued with free ear plugs and are in the process of soundproofing the local Drill Hall in Dalmeny Street where residents can gather as a "place of safety" on the day. It is also rumoured that the Council will be employing observers from the Noise Abatement Society who will be on the streets with Analogue Sound Level Meters. Lothian and Borders Police have also reassured the council that spot checks for megaphones and loud voices will be randomly carried out.

The only local business that would appear to be opening its doors to the Highland Hurricane is the Iona Bar. Its owner Harry, who also runs the Ship Inn in Ayr, told us " There have never been any incidents in here before. We tape up the windows, use plastic glasses and most of the regulars are tone deaf anyway. I will be only too happy to allow any highlander to lubricate their tonsils pre match.

Local Inverness historian, Ian Broadfoot, informed us that the Gathering was not a surprise to him but was probably an event that was always going to occur. He felt that "It is a natural progression, the marriage between the days of yore and the vivality of the present and the future"

"The Mob are a post merger amalgamation of the "Caley Animals" and the "Heathmount Back Bar Brigade". They are all now mature and wise individuals in their thirties, forties and fifties. Whereas the "Sesh army" have grown over the last few years and are the future of ICT - a bit of a Fan Academy really. Some say it is a bit like a Robbie and Gary reunion but I would liken it more to a meeting between Johnny Rotten and Amy Winehouse.

Reprentatives of the Mob and the Sesh Army were unavailable but we met with an AndyM of the "Real ICT Sweet Rustling and Gurning Society" who stated that " My fellow sweetie rustlers and I will be monitoring the situation and will be advocating that the throng are moved en masse if they make too much noise, preferably to Tynecastle."

The final word laid with David Sutherland on behalf of the ICT Board. He assured all concerned that " We are appalled by these rumours and wish to distance ourselves from any support and/or encouragement. We have always done our uptmost to prevent an atmosphere at any of our games. It is not in the best interets of ICT to allow laughing, smiling, singing, standing and camaraderie to seep back in to the stands - we have a repuation to uphold and the TCS is a glowing example.

Edited September 1, 201014 yr by IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER

Will the Shadwell Dogs be making the long trip North to reunite with Gumbo?

Fail.

Will the Shadwell Dogs be making the long trip North to reunite with Gumbo?

Fail.

It got you to reply, I would deem that a success.

If that's what you deem success, you really need to have a word with yourself.

We'll call that two in a row, one more and I have the hat trick

We'll call that two in a row, one more and I have the hat trick

One more and you get to keep him / her .

Those red dots have made it harder to score, your post would have gotten a goal once but now all you got was a red dot. Equivalent to hitting the woodwork I'd say.

I bet it was top six next year that gave me the red dot , I wonder if he / she will be so forthcoming with the ?50 from our wager ?

I am just surprised there are any red dots left on the system today, I thought I must have collected them all by now.

IHE has gone from the top of the negative table to the top of the positive table pretty much based on this post alone .... I also note that his post now shows "popular" against it at the top due to having 25 green dots !!!

not sure if we can do anything other than what we already do regarding rep points (they are new to me too) ....

who gave me points on reputation page because i can't find me anywhere and the last time i was middle of the negative one with -1 (don't know who gave me minus points either or for what).

IHE has gone from the top of the negative table to the top of the positive table pretty much based on this post alone .... I also note that his post now shows "popular" against it at the top due to having 25 green dots !!!

not sure if we can do anything other than what we already do regarding rep points (they are new to me too) ....

who gave me points on reputation page because i can't find me anywhere and the last time i was middle of the negative one with -1 (don't know who gave me minus points either or for what).

I am truly an inspiration to the yoof of today - I can see AndyM converting to green dots in the near future as his internalised anger dissipates back in to the considerably better prose of yore

I can see big things kicking off between the Hibs CSS and "The Sesh Army". There's a history between these guys and it looks like it could boil over this weekend.

Oh ****, it gets worse. Word on the street is that the notorious Summer Wine Crew are going, and they ain't happy about these other factions muscling in on their territory. Apparently they will be popping a few scones and drinking loads of tea before wading in to the action, armed with their full arsenal of dated and predictable jokes.

Stay well clear .

I can see big things kicking off between the Hibs CSS and "The Sesh Army". There's a history between these guys and it looks like it could boil over this weekend.

Oh ****, it gets worse. Word on the street is that the notorious Summer Wine Crew are going, and they ain't happy about these other factions muscling in on their territory. Apparently they will be popping a few scones and drinking loads of tea before wading in to the action, armed with their full arsenal of dated and predictable jokes.

Stay well clear .

I'm out of green dots, but that would get one.

I am truly an inspiration to the yoof of today - I can see AndyM converting to green dots in the near future as his internalised anger dissipates back in to the considerably better prose of yore

Very possible Gumbo, very possible.

AndyM - We all now know who you are based on your comments on here and on P&B.

As admin I have also performed enough additional checks to be sure of it. You are not welcome on this board under this or any of your other IDs past, present or future (including the account I have just deleted that was registered this morning).

I love Easter Road - I wonder if I can get out of being a best man that day?

Best not try eh!...

I wonder if I could do Easter Road and then up to the Wedding party?

Of all the factions that are converging on Easter Road one appears to be missing. Where's the fekkin Bridge End North Invinsibles???

I can see big things kicking off between the Hibs CSS and "The Sesh Army". There's a history between these guys and it looks like it could boil over this weekend.

Oh ****, it gets worse. Word on the street is that the notorious Summer Wine Crew are going, and they ain't happy about these other factions muscling in on their territory. Apparently they will be popping a few scones and drinking loads of tea before wading in to the action, armed with their full arsenal of dated and predictable jokes.

Stay well clear .

...can we organise regular toilet breaks during the fracas. Me bladder's not what it used to be.

:toilet03:

Of all the factions that are converging on Easter Road one appears to be missing. Where's the fekkin Bridge End North Invinsibles???

Apparently, they are now known as the Bridge End North Invisibles.

They turn up at most matches, noticable by the empty seats around you.