Yngwie

I thought we'd want to keep Hogg - maybe we did but there was too big a gap in the salary expectations? Not surprised about the other departures confirmed today. We all had high hopes of Gil when he arrived, but what a let down. Delighted Rossco is entitled to stay, but I wonder what would have happened if he hadn't triggered that clause?

In a surprise attack yesterday, special forces commanded by military chief Sir Terence Butcher were finally successful in their mission to assassinate Grant Munro and Russell Duncan. It is thought that Munro and Duncan had been hiding out in a remote and mountainous part of Scotland for the last 10 years. Much of that time was thought to have been spent at a training camp east of Inverness, where the football fundamentalists attempted to radicalise other recruits into believing passionately in their cause. In addition to reading sacred texts from the Kerrang, the pair were known to pray 4 times a day in the direction of Mosstodloch in honour of their mastermind, known simply as “Pele”. Pele is understood to be the spiritual leader of the group of known as Al Qaholica, for whom the Highland region has long been a fertile recruiting ground. In a bizarre ritual, sympathisers and followers are understood to congregate regularly in known meeting spots, chanting “Qhali” repeatedly after consuming vast quantities of intoxicating liquor. Another of Pele’s henchmen, known as Ross Tokely, is understood to have escaped. “I’ve been after Tokely for years” sighed a disappointed Butcher. “We located him and sent in the helicopters to take him down, but he swatted them away like flies. I then implemented plan B, which was to call in air strikes. At first we thought they were having an effect, but then it became apparent that Tokely’s reaction was simply laughter because the missiles were a bit tickly. He’s got away for now, but believe me, I’ll be doing everything I can to get him as soon as I can, and the same goes for any other Pele sympathisers I come across. Roy? Golly? Nobody is a better manager than me, is that clear?” Butcher himself had a long and distinguished military career, seeing active service in warzones such as Govan. He notably received a commendation for bravery after losing all his limbs in the midst of a battle but insisting that a simple bandage would enable him to carry on. Commenting further on yesterday’s successful operation, Butcher added “This mission to get Munro and Duncan was a long time in the making, and Tulloch Caledonian Stadium will be a better place without them. Munro thought he was getting a new contract but it was a simple misunderstanding after I said was I was taking out a contract on him. He was the one I really wanted because he was leader of this cell and I’ve tried to take him down before, but Duncan had been protecting him for years, thwarting numerous attacks. I’d also seen horrific videos on the web of these guys in action. Some of the ones featuring Duncan portray absolutely shocking scenes of heading.” Another detail of the operation to emerge is that the initial plan was for it to be carried out by a crack Israeli unit. “But sadly, he got injured.....again“ said Butcher. “In fact even when he’s not injured, he’s actually pretty ineffective, but we’ll see, I might give him another few years just cos I hired him and he’s not one of Pele’s followers.” The whereabouts of the remains of Munro and Duncan was the subject of much speculation, but Butcher confirms that they were taken out into the Moray Firth at night and pushed out of the back of a dolphin cruise boat, in accordance with strict local custom. But this hasn’t stopped conspiracy theorists speculating that the two will somehow “come back to haunt” Butcher. When asked if his next mission would be to tackle a group of Irish Republicans believed to be a potent attacking threat operating in the Inverness area, Butcher quickly gets up to leave the press conference and makes for the door with fear evident in his eyes. “’Kinell, I ain’t messing with the likes of Ritchie Foran! Fundamendalists, no bother. Mentalists like that, no chance!”

If you consider form over the last 5 or so months, we are clearly one of the very bottom teams in the SPL. So a relegation battle is very much on the cards for next season unless we: A - bring in better players than the ones we've got, OR B - get a better manager than the one we've got. Whilst Butcher has made mistakes, very few people would suggest he should be sacked. Which, unfortunately, leaves major changes to the playing squad as the only realistic option if we want to improve.

If that's true, all I can say is WTF! :amazed:The only pre-butcher regulars left off the top of my head wud be Esson and Tokley. Big difference here. If Rooney is indeed going then it's because it's the player's choice, not because Terry doesn't want him. I believe he was made a good offer and the ball is/was in his court.

Except it doesn't even say that! You've got to read between the lines to draw that conclusion.

What a poor statement. Besides spelling Golabek's name wrong, it completely fails to mention the entire purpose of the press release, ie that these players are not being offered new contracts and will be leaving. Looks like a rush job that nobody checked.

Was that the one that he pretty much walked into an empty net? The one from the corner of the box at Brechin was a beaut, and I think even he was surprised he'd placed it so well.

A satirical view

At least it wasn't a tattoo

Maybe he's found another Dan Stratford?

Can't agree with that. I can remember them being a superb midfield engine for the team as far back as 7-10 years ago, and they've individually had some excellent seasons since then.

Having publicly accused the coaches of incompetence and arrogance, is that all you've got to say?

Without the benefit of hindsight, how would those hard up parents have felt about having to pay an even higher contribution for a longer trip? Sod's law, the team might just as easily have been knocked out earlier, and people would be unhappy about the time and cost of having to hang around in Holland for an unnecessary extra night. As an aside, why do these youth tournaments we participate in always seem to take place overseas? Money is tight, so you'd think there would be suitable tournaments in Britain that we could attend, no?

Oops.

If anyone is curious like I was, the fans website name TWTD stands for "Those Were The Days". :sherlock:

Speaking of pie in the sky, the SPL's latest reconstruction plan aims for: * A British Cup * The national team's Fifa ranking to improve from 66th to 15th within five years * The SPL's coefficient ranking to improve from 16th to 10th in five years * Broadcasting revenues to increase by 50% in five years I think they are trying to imply that these are the benefits that will arise from the 10 team SPL, which now looks like going to a vote in May. If it gets approved, some of our aspirations may have to be toned down a bit to reflect the reduced likelihood of us being SPL regulars over the next 10 years.

Good story but I reckon she cut it up because it was such a horrible colour.

Jedward, but without the talent

Have they got any players worth signing?

And don't forget that VAT is 2.5% higher than last year.

To have the same budget next season is actually quite an achievement. Attendances and income are dropping, and I suspect most SPL clubs will have to reduce their budgets.

A lot of people will be at work, for starters. Automatic entitlement to public holidays is less common than it used to be.

It's not often we get a Monday afternoon game

From the SPL site: TOP SIX Saturday April 23 Dundee United v Kilmarnock - 12.15pm (Sky Sports) Hearts v Motherwell - 3pm Sunday April 24 Rangers v Celtic ? 12.30pm (Sky Sports) BOTTOM SIX Sunday April 24 Hibernian v St Mirren ? 3pm Monday April 25 St Johnstone v Inverness CT ? 2pm (ESPN) Hamilton Accies v Aberdeen ? 4.15pm (ESPN) WEEK 35 TOP SIX Saturday April 30 Kilmarnock v Hearts ? 3pm Motherwell v Rangers ? 12 noon (ESPN) Sunday May 1 Celtic v Dundee United ? 12.45pm (Sky Sports BOTTOM SIX Saturday April 30 Aberdeen v Inverness CT ? 3pm Hibernian v St Johnstone ? 3pm Monday May 2 St Mirren v Hamilton Accies ? 3pm (ESPN) WEEK 36 TOP SIX Saturday May 7 Dundee United v Motherwell ? 3pm Rangers v Hearts ? 12.15pm (Sky Sports) Sunday May 8 Kilmarnock v Celtic ? 12.45pm (Sky Sports BOTTOM SIX Saturday May 7 Aberdeen v St Johnstone ? 3pm Hamilton Accies v Hibernian ? 3pm Inverness CT v St Mirren ? 3pm WEEK 37 TOP SIX Tuesday May 10 Rangers v Dundee United ? 7.45pm (Sky Sports) Wednesday May 11 Hearts v Celtic ? 7.45pm (Sky Sports) Motherwell v Kilmarnock ? 7.45pm BOTTOM SIX Tuesday May 10 Aberdeen v St Mirren ? 7.45pm St Johnstone v Hamilton Accies ? 7.45pm Wednesday May 11 Inverness CT v Hibernian ? 7.45pm TOP SIX Sunday May 15 Celtic v Motherwell ? 12.30pm Dundee United v Hearts ? 12.30pm Kilmarnock v Rangers ? 12.30pm BOTTOM SIX Saturday May 14 Hamilton Accies v Inverness CT ? 3pm Hibernian v Aberdeen ? 3pm St Mirren v St Johnstone ? 3pm

0.8 miles according to the directions on Google maps!