The Submarine Premier League (SPL) ia drawing to its close and our chances of a place in Europe next season are hanging by a thread. The league is based on away fixtures, the top two submarines go straight fer the Champions League of Imperial Torpedoes (C.L.I.T.) whilst the third placed vessel circumnavigates the Naval Institute of Premier Propellors League of Europe (N.I.P.P.L.E.)

The present top of the table is:

P W L D F A P/D PTS

HMS CELLIC 17 14 2 1 50 17 33 44

HMS SNECK 17 7 7 3 27 17 10 28

HMS JAM TART 17 7 6 4 27 18 9 27

HMS HUN 16 6 5 5 24 24 0 23

HMS MUVVERSMELL 18 6 4 8 19 29 -10 22

HMS HIBEE 16 6 3 7 20 24 -4 21

HMS SEAGULL 16 5 5 6 15 21 -6 20

HMS SNECK; HMS HUN & HMS HIBEE have three away engagements remaining whilst the other vessels have only TWO.

If it had'nt been fer HMS Liviscum we would have had our passports ready but SERIOUSLY - What would you find more pleasurable and/or stimulating - the C.L.I.T. or the N.I.P.P.L.E ?? :D

personally I have a fondness for the Brethren of United Mariners

(B.U.M.) or The Institute of Torpedo Servicemen

(T.I.T.S)

Updated at 17.30 on 15/04/06

HMS CELLIC 17 14 2 1 50 17 33 44

HMS SNECK 18 8 7 3 27 17 11 31

HMS JAM TART 17 7 6 4 27 18 9 27

HMS HUN 16 6 5 5 24 24 0 23

HMS MUVVERSMELL 18 6 4 8 19 29 -10 22

HMS HIBEE 16 6 3 7 20 24 -4 21

HMS SEAGULL 16 5 5 7 15 21 -6 21

Feck me..The C.L.I.T. is almost within our grasp. Ya can almost smell it. What a mouth watering prospect. Im feckin drooling. :D

only you could do something like that

My support would be to have to be FOOTIE "Formal Outing Of Torpedo Inmates Exiled"

I've long suspected that HMS Tart shot its load too early... :shock:

I thought Europe did "The final Countdown" not "The Final Frontier"?

As for your original question:

Personally I can't see past the CLIT

I never thought for minute that I would be wishing success on Rangers but that's now our only hope.

The only problem is that they seem as hopeless as ever whereas Hearts seem to have rediscovered a bit of form.

We are talking feckin submarines and why does a feckin lawyer call himself after a loaf of feckin bread.

Better bred by far.

IHE you should get your own tv show on Grampian on a monday night just before Scotsport head to head with Tam Cowan!

Its feckin throbbing, its tantalising. The C.L.I.T. is practically on the tip of ma tongue. Its feckin smiling at me, its winking. Its got a big smile. The lips are wide open and flapping. PHWARRRRRR.

P W L D F A P/D PTS

HMS CELLIC 18 14 2 2 50 20 33 44

HMS SNECK 19 9 7 3 29 17 12 34

HMS JAM TART 17 7 6 4 27 18 9 27

HMS HUN 18 7 6 5 27 25 2 27

HMS MUVVERSMELL 19 6 5 8 20 30 -10 23

HMS HIBEE 18 6 4 8 21 29 -8 22

HMS SEAGULL 17 5 6 6 16 22 -6 21

PWWARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Orgasm Time. I hope I havent bitten off more than i can chew.