Man goes into a garden centre in Dingwall. Gudgie Coff is working there.

Man: 'I want a rake please'.

Gudgie coff: 'A rake of what?'

There's a special place in hell for people who take the piss out of Ross County fans.

It's the away end at the Global Energy Stadium.

No comment.

County fan works with the forestry. He’s been using an axe and usually manages to fell about 10 decent sized trees a day. He goes to the agricultural show and this chainsaw salesman tells him if he buys this chainsaw he can easily do 50 a day.

A month goes by and the gadgie arranges to meet the salesman, claiming the saw is faulty. It’s only been doing 40 a day. The salesman is puzzled, so he pulls the starter. The gadgie jumps 6 feet back shouting “hells bells, where the feck is that noise coming from!”

Gudgie coff heads into the big toon of the Sneck, looking for gardening tools.

Losing his bearings, he goes into a swish menswear store, where a trendy Sneck gent in suit and tie greets him.

Gent: ’Good day sir, how may I help you today?’

Gudgie coff: ‘Ah’m lookeen fer a rake.’

Gent: ‘Yes, how may I help you, sir?’

Edited February 10, 20197 yr by dougiedanger

A Sneckite takes a day trip to Dingwall with his pet, a wee stoat-like creature.

The pet is thirsty, so they head into the Mallard, where Gudgie Coff is working at the bar.

Sneckite: ‘Excuse me mate, my pet is thirsty and fancies a beer. Do you serve minks?’

Gudgie Coff: ‘Aye, rakes.’

Roy MacGregor was on the news a few weeks back saying that Ross County never spends more money than what comes in the front door.

They better hope he doesn't start using the side entrance.