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'CyberBritNat'... Interesting. I've noticed recently that a lot of Scottish Nationalists have used this tactic to respond to non-Nationalists. They've started calling 'no' voters 'Brit Nats' in some sort of bizarre attempt to justify their own nationalism. During the English votes for English laws debate, the SNP were accusing Conservatives of having a 'grievance culture'. One of the most hypocritical political statements ever. SNP Nationalists with grievance culture accuse opponents of being Nationalists with a grievance culture. You couldn't make it up.

I think Vigurs is suspended for this game...

GRANVILLE, TOICH AND WILLIAM BELL PRODUCTIONS WOULD WISH TO THANK SMIRNOFF, JOHN SMITHS AND BIPOLAR ILLNESS FOR THEIR ASSISTANCE IN THIS PANTOMIME. WE WOULD ALSO WISH TO THANK OUR MAIN SPONSOR – LAURENCE’s BOOKSHOP IN GRANTOWN ON SPEY. ALL CHARACTERS MENTIONED IN THIS TALE ARE PSEUDONYMS OR ALTER EGOS. THIS TALE IS CLEARLY FICTITIOUS AND ANY RESEMBLANCE TO REAL LIFE EVENTS WAS INTENTIONAL. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO REAL PERSONS, LIVING OR DEAD, IS ALSO WHOLLY INTENTIONAL.

ACT FIVE – BUCURESTI : THE FINAL FRONTIER So Michel Platini picked the name out of the hat as quickly as a handshake with Sepp Blatter. And the HMS Sneck was to sail to Bucharest, en route to Giurgiu. But there was noted to be an Old Town in Bucharest but not an Old City (or so we thought!!). All that was needed for this trip was the lone HMS Sneck and 500 wayfarers chose to sail along with only Yogi at the helm. It was presumed that Russell had been given enuff dollars to open up his own tea plantation. Brian Rice took his place. It was a gamble that even Brian may not have punted on. And a new Lieutenant Lopez and a stopper called Fon had also come on board. Turning out to be a case of a decent Welsh Dresser with a dilapidated spittoon on top. But many who had done the two trips to Glasgow were not on board. Was it or was it not Celtic1Caley3, ajmack, CaleyMax, PandB, Guzz, Uncle Albert, biggin, big john and caleydazza (and if I haven’t feckin mentioned you by now then feckin tuff). So what was the point of going if the treasure had been already found ? The spondoolachs were safely stuffed in the mattress. But yet - all pirates even paid for the privilege of the trip and that was unheard off in the History of Piracy on the Deep Seas. Why ? Because there was still a treasure to be found, an adventure to be had and the map still said so. So the HMS Sneck made many stops en route – Aberdeen, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Manchester, London, Amsterdam, Paris, Frankfurt but soon arrived in the city of Bucharest. There was no waterway to Giurgiu and the River Dambovita looked like a Shrek bathing facility. But the “Old City” reference was soon solved and located – not feckin half – a welcoming hostelry at the top of the Old Town in Lipscani, the nightlife centre of Bucuresti. And many more a Lev was squandered in the Old Town. But where was the X and what was the feckin treasure ? A local dignitary (the barman) told us that all would be revealed when we returned from Giurgiu. So on the morning of 23/07/15 the loyal bunch of buccaneers began to assemble at the Old City. The heat was searing which led to the need to drown ample fluids – some more than others. The stresses and emotions of the long sojourn were forgotten and the “togetherness” will never EVER be bettered. The procession through the Old Town to the waiting stagecoaches will live in the memory forever. Never have Eastern European police been so nice to anyone (gratefully though as they all had feckin machine guns). And then a police escort as a convoy of stagecoaches made the arduous trip to Giurgiu. It was a game to be forgotten (well some would have anyway) but again the togetherness and camaderie was exceptional. And it was back to the Old City and the discovery of that final X, that treasure that we had sought for months. Well it wasn’t gold or silver, it wasn’t dubloons or levs or pounds or dollars. But every single buccaneer who made that journey to the bitter end had a little “treasure chest” of memories and emotions embedded in their psyche and many, when feeling down, open up that chest, release those memories and it always brings back a smile and sometimes a tear. Some treasures are totally feckin priceless. And so it was back to reality and back to Sneck, back to Away days in the SPFL but we all followed that glittering guiding star in the Northern sky – SHINE BRIGHT MIKEY DIAMOND THE END

Why are you so keen to sign Darren Murray? Seemingly on his trial he didn't really impress. From what I've been informed about Wedderburn is that as he's come from part time football, the plan was to have him play half the season in the reserve team to get up to speed and then break into the first team. Again, I was very impressed with him in the Astra games and I do feel that there's a player in there. Much the same could be said for Vigurs, who doesn't look fully fit to me. Think this is the beginning of the end for Dani Lopez and possibly Mutombo, but I'm led to believe that loan extensions are being sought out for Storey and Sho-Silva.