f*ballers wife

oh my!!! jb, sometimes you say the most wicked of things to me... besides .... i resemble that remark! :016: ps, i may even have to give him change! :015: :016:

oh my!!! any time sweeti.... but could you afford me....??? :015: :love07:

oh my!!! A middle aged man bought a brand new convertible Porsche. He took off down the road, pushed it up to 160 and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair. "This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. But when he eventually looked in his rear-view mirror there was a police car behind him, blue lights flashing. "I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 km/hr to escape being stopped. Then he thought, what the **** am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the police car to catch up with him. The policeman pulled in behind the Porsche and walked up on the drivers side. "Sir, my shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before as to why you were speeding, I'll let you go." The man looked back at the policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a Policeman and I thought you were bringing her back." The policeman said, "Have a nice day."

oh my!!! i did ask... but there was a Q!!! :015:

DON?T KNOW WHAT DOCTOR WROTE THIS, BUT I LIKE HIM!!! HEALTH QUESTION &ANSWER SESSION 1) Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. 2) Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. 3) Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up! 4) Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. 5) Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good! 6) Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? 7) Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. Youshould only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. 8) Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around! 9) Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. 10) Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "Whoo what a ride".

oh my!!! that, sweeti, is cos you're a tart! :014: :015:

oh my!!! ok sweeti, on this occation i'll let you take the full credit for it since the clap is the reward! lucky, LUCKY lady!!! :021:

oh my!!! the Husband Store. A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay but thinks to herself, "What will the guys on the next floor be like?" so she goes to the sixth floor and the Sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex, have large breasts and have money. The third through sixth floors have never been visited. You've gotta love men. They know what they want.

oh my!!! My elbow hurts like ****. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!" "Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club card points". So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco. He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks". That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and m*sturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better........ Thank you for shopping at Tesco.

oh my!!! the second last one!!! :015: :015: :015:

oh my!!! jb, you remember too much!!! i likey! :015: :015: :015:

oh my!!! With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Cokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

oh my!!! so can you FILL me in, jb, as to which one homo~thingy is??? the first or second... i'd post then again but you gave me a row the last time, so i'll wait till after nine! for fear of a good homo~thingy~ing! :crazy02:

oh my!!! :oops01: forgive me for i have sinned! :confused01:

oh my!!! is it something likey this guys??? :popular01: or more likey this....

oh my!!! oh sweeti, they are just cuddling.... huddling together to keep warm..... :crazy04:

oh my!!! i want to go watch that guy play shinty now...... :015: :015: :015: :015: :015: :015: :015: and is THAT what i'm doing wrong wi ma srappy sandles.... :017:

oh my!!! beastie babe, you are soooo easily pleased! well you were with the foot fizz the other night anyway! :005: :015: :021: :love06:

oh my!!! well, THAT answers my question....! :021:

oh my!!! so do we smooch first...:love05: then :dancing01::dancing01::dancing01: or smooch after..... :love05: :love04: :love12:

oh my!!! ok you kinky lot.... what is 'homo~erotica' is that like a posh name for porn? :014:

oh my!!! jb.... you should be so lucky!!! :015: :014: :015:

oh my!!! just checking if you kids are ok in here all by yourselves! granny worries you know! :014: :015:

oh my!!! JB... are you on about the government here or MFI..... either i guess! and thanks KCJ... i'll let you know if you're missing anything... :015: :015: :015:

oh my!!! and WHAT a way to GOOOOOOO................ and the HEAD lines would put prescotts romping in the old news column.... :021: :015: :015: :015: