Alex MacLeod

expert

dry because

:025: :025: :025: :025: :015:

P!ss aff ya caley Tic

Ike Rossco Dodsy Granty Richard Baz Russelldhino John Markus Bayney Rory

:016: :016: :016:

Laura, you could look bonny in a tatty sack. :004:

verve

as~the mighty

When I seen the thread title my first thought was.............my wife :003: To be honest I wouldnt fear anyone so long as the team on the field are aware of individuals capabilities then they should have a plan in place to restrict. Thats how you get the better of the opposition.

orgasmic

exploding everywhere

missiles

shipyard gate

Sorry mate you've nae chance. I'm well up there. Anyway good riddance to the yankee freeloader is what I say.

And then of course theres yon classic made famous by none other than the Alexander Brothers and sung by a wee drunk at every hogmanay party in land ever since: As I was slowly passing an orphan's home one day, I stopped for just a little while to watch the children play. Alone a boy was standing and when I asked him why, he turned with eyes that could not see and he began to cry. I'm nobody's child, I'm nobody's child. Just like the flowers I'm growing wild. I got no mummy's kisses I got no daddy's smile. Nobody wants me, I'm nobody's child. No mummy's arms to hold me or sue me when I cry, 'cos sometimes I feel so lonesome I wish that I could die. I'll walk the streets of heaven where all blinds can see. And just like for the other kids it will be a home for me. I'm nobody's child, I'm nobody's child. Just like the flowers I'm growing wild. I got no mummy's kisses I got no daddy's smile. Nobody wants me, I'm nobody's child.

Two little orphans a boy and a girl Sat by an old church door The little girls feet were as brown as the curl That fell on the dress that she wore The little boys clothes were all tattered and torn They shone beneath his blue eyes Why don't you go home to your mommy I said And this was the maidens reply Mommy's is heaven angels took her away Left Jim and I all alone We've no one to love us daddy is dead And our darling mother is gone Mommy got sick angels took her away To dwell in those matins so bright She said she would come for her children someday And I guess she's coming tonight The sexton came early to ring the church bell And found them beneath the snow white The angels made room for the orphans to dwell Up in heaven with their mommy that night

The lightning express from the depot so grand Had just started out on its way. The people who were on board of the train Seemed to be happy and gay, Except a little boy on a seat by himself, Was reading a letter he had. Was plain to be seen by the tears in his eyes That the contents made his heart sad. The strange old conductor then started around, Taking tickets from everyone there. Upon reaching the side of the boy, He gruffly demanded his fare. "I haven't any ticket," the boy replied, "Though I will pay back someday." "Then I'll put you off the next station, my boy," But he stopped when he heard the boy say: Chorus: "Please, Mr. Conductor, don't put me off of your train, For the dearest friend I have in this world Is waiting me now in vain. She's expected to die any moment; Oh, she may not live through the day, And I want to bid Mother goodbye, sir, Before God takes her away." A little girl seated on a seat close by Said, "If you put that boy off, it's a shame." She took off his hat, a collection she made, And paid the boy's fare on the train. "I'm much obliged, Miss, for your kindness to me." "You're welcome; you need never fear." Every time the conductor would come through the car, These voices would ring in his ear:

Jesus Johndo. Never thought you could be so caring. Anyway back to Ernie ERNIE ( THE FASTEST MILKMAN IN THE WEST) You could hear the hoof beats pound As they raced across the ground And the clatter of the wheels As they spun round and round And he galloped into Market Street His badge upon his chest His name was Ernie And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west Now Ernie loved a widow A lady known as Sue She lived all alone in Linley Lane At number twenty two They said she was too good for him She was haughty, proud and chic But Ernie got his cocoa there Three times every week They called him Ernie (Ernie) And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west She said she'd like to bathe in milk He said alright sweetheart And when he finished work one night He loaded up the cart He said you wanted pasturised Coz pasturised is best She says Ernie I'll be happy If it comes up to me chest And that tickled old Ernie (Ernie) And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west Now Ernie had a rival An evil looking man Called Two Ton Ted from Teddington And he drove the bakers van He tempted her with his treacle tarts And his tasty wholemeal bread And when she saw the size Of his hot meat pies It very near turned her head She nearly swooned at his macaroon And he said now if you treat me right You'll have hot rolls evry morning And crumpets every night He knew once she'd sampled his layer cake He'd have his wicked way And all Ernie had to offer Was a pint of milk a day Poor Ernie (Ernie) And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west One lunchtime Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door It drove him mad to find it was still there at half past four And as he leaped down from of his van Hot blood through his veins did course And he went across to Ernie's cart And he didnarf kick his horse Who's name was Trigger (Trigger) And he pulled the fastest milkcart in the west Now Ernie rushed out into the street His goldtop in his hand He said if you want to marry susie You'll fight for her like a man Oh why don't we play cards for her He sneeringly replied And just to make it interesting We'll have a shilling on the side Now Ernie dragged him from his van And beneath the blazing sun They stood there face to face And Ted went for his bun But Ernie was to quick Things didn't go the way ted planned And a strawberry flavoured youghurt Sent it spinning from his hand Now Sue she ran between them And tried to keep them apart And Ernie pushed her aside And a rock cake caught him underneath his heart And he looked up in pained surprise As the concrete hardened crust Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye And Ernie bit the dust Poor Ernie (Ernie) And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west Ernie was only fifty-two, he didn't want to die Now he's gone to make deliveries In that milkround in the sky Where the customers are angels And ferocious dogs are banned And a milkmans life is full of fun In that fairy dairy land But a woman's needs are many fold And Sue she married Ted But strange things happened on their wedding night As they lay in their bed Was that the trees a rustling Or the hinges of the gate Or Ernies ghostly goldtop a rattling in their crate They won't forget Ernie (Ernie) And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west

spheres

by the

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss, But I only slept with you, because I was pissed. I thought that I could love no other. Until, that is, I met your brother. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head. Of loving beauty you float with grace. If only you could hide your face. Kind, intelligent, loving, and hot: This describes everything you are not. I want to feel your sweet embrace, But don't take that paper bag off of your face. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes. ****, I'm good at telling lies! My darling, my lover, my beaautiful wife: Marrying you screwed up my life. I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming. My love you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way? My feelings for you no words can tell; Except for maybe "go to ****." What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime. ouch!!!!!!!!

All it takes is for Gretna to break under the pressure.

Johndo, is this your rant about any old sh!te week? if you were a woman I'd think it was that time of month :003:

Because this forum is about all things ICT and Rossco is ICT :016: