Caley Mad In Berks

Hope he doesn't want more than ?50 per week otherwise he might distort our pay structure

Totally agree. I think the sad fact is he is too good for us and our very limited ambitition it would seem.

mucky thread

rapidly declining

Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you ?500 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her ?500 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the ?500 he owes me?' Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. Lesson 2: A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.' Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. Lesson 3: A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone. 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone. 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.' Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say. Lesson 4 An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. Lesson 5 A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bull **** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.. Lesson 6 : A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Morals of the story: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of **** is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep ****, it's best to keep your mouth shut! THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Well, it seems a bit harsh to me, after a good season by most peoples' standards. Maybe Avram Grant will find himself in the same boat next weekend if Chelsea lose to Man U.

Fair play to you Scotty for admitting that you might have been wrong. I must admit I was quite surprised when I read some of your anti Brewster comments in recent weeks. As things progress, (the Black and Wyness situations just as examples). it is becoming clearer that Brewster wasn't quite the 'baddy' he was painted. I wonder if there will be other anti Brewster posters eating humble pie in due course.

Since when have Killie been our bogey team? I thought that dubious honour belonged to Aberdeen!

Yes, I always thought blaming Niculae solely for breaking the wage structure was unfair. I too think he is well worth hanging on to, unless we get an offer we can't refuse.

& whisky galore

Doubt he'd be much cheaper than Niculae. I'd rather keep him. Unless you mean to replace Denzil, of course.

Every year I'm lucky enough to be invited to play golf with a group who have a fixture at the exclusive Swinley Forest club near Ascot. How this fixture came about is a story in itself which I won't go into now. The club apparently has only a couple of hundred or so members, and does not accept visitors except when playing with a member. A few years ago I scored my first ever hole in one there on the 17th hole. Thrill enough. The following year at this venue the 4 ball I was in was surprised to see a 2 ball following us with what looked like a couple of spectators following them. Seeing anyone else on the course whilst we were there was a rarity in itself. By the time we had reached the 17th the 2 ball had caught us up and were putting out on the adjacent 16th green as we teed off on the 17th. We were surprised to see that it was Prince Andrew playing with a woman (we later found out was a quite well known lady professional golfer) and escorted by two security men. So my (nearly) claim to fame is that ,had it been exactly a year earlier, Prince Andrew would have seen my hole on one.

Old Spice

lecherously at

Feck me! What's your fee for that load of garbage sound advice? Maybe I'll buy you a pint next time I see you at a match. Thats after I've kicked you in the b*lls, of course!

Surely no argument with this one,- Fraser's save late on versus Celtic.

To answer your question, only 4 times live, and another 3 times 'live' on Setanta, plus a few highlights on Setanta etc. Enough times for me to see the quality of the man.

in cardies

IHE's posts

As you might say yourself, "what utter garbage". Most English Premiership sides rotate their stars regularly and therefore they are all, in effect, squad players. You use the term as if it means, 'not quite up to the job'.

Enjoy the game. As I posted on the thread about following English teams, Exeter are the English team whose results I look for first. I've only seen them play a few times, and started following them when a friend of mine, Steve Perryman, the ex Spurs stalwart, became their Director of football a few years ago. Steve loves it in the west country so much so that he has turned down many more lucrative offers to get back into mainstream football management. I tried to get him interested in managing ICT before Brewster (2nd time), but he would not be tempted away from Exeter. Maybe next time round I'll have another go!!!

I'm glad Immelman won. My own tip, Adam Scott, let me down, but at least I'll be collecting ?50 for Sandy Lyle making the cut.

Spot on. Why is it so many posters advocate bringing back ex players (and managers)? It rarely works.

What utter garbage. IHE would consider ymip's post to be garbage, because it doesn't agree with his own blinkered opinion. However, I believe there is more than a grain of truth in what ymip says. Niculae has been unfairly blamed for breaking the precious 'wage structure' at ICT. In fact this was broken long before Niculae, and rightly so in my opinion, for Wyness when he came back from Hearts on loan. The only difference was that Hearts were paying a goodly percentage of his wages and not Orion (as in Niculae's case). Fixed wage structures are probably OK as teams progress through the lower leagues, but I cannot see how they can possibly work at SPL level where it is essential to improve the quality of the playing staff. Good players don't come cheap. I admire ICT's board for showing some balls and bringing in Niculae, who clearly is a quality player. To judge him purely on the number of goals he has scored is a little unfair when for much of the time he has been played as a loan striker. Nevertheless, 9 goals is still alot more than his predecessor, Dargo, has scored for St Mirren this season! Apart from goals Niculae has number of 'assists' to his credit and I also remember about 3 or 4 penalties he won in our good spell before Xmas. It seems to me that after a slow start, when he was clearly unfit, Niculae is now fitting very well into ICT , and I for one hope he is still with us next season despite the changes in the boardroom. If there is unrest in the team because of Niculae's wages (and I'm not convinced this is the problem), then imo these colleagues should take a long hard look at themselves, and wait until they are proven internationalists before feeling hard done by. To suggest that Niculae is over the hill and living on past glories it is clearly nonsense. Romania obviously don't think so, but what do they know? They're only in the European Nations Cup this summer.

high horse