IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER

But I do feel a hell of a lot better for it. Just waiting for someone to say " Do you think that you could do better ? At least I could play at Quarterback !!

Competition is hotting up to find the ugliest face at the World Gurning Championships, as entrants contort their faces into grotesque shapes while wearing a horse collar. Organisers say the game, taking place in Cumbria, has its origins in old tales about the treatment meted out by locals to so-called village idiots. The horse collar, or braffin, would be thrown over the village fool, and he would pull faces in exchange for a pint of beer. A colourful performance is expected, as it is the norm for competitors to snarl like a dog, look savage, paint their faces, make wild animal noises and thrash around uncontrollably. Toddlers and pensioners are expected to take part in the championships, which has three categories - juniors, ladies and men. Alan Clements, organiser of Egremont Crab Fair, near Whitehaven, said: "Gurning championships have been around for most of this century in Cumbria but the world championships started after the Second World War. The fair is more than 730 years old. "People make all types of faces and nothing will surprise us. But the werewolf look and the old-fashioned look copying Popeye the cartoon character is still popular." The winner will receive a cash prize of ?150. Here are the three main contenders.

I meant in SPL terms.

What about ? : Tupper,Race and Dane

"Does anyone else have a problem with Brewsters baffling substitutions?" is how this thread started. "Does anyone else have a problem with Brewsters baffling team selections and tactics?" "Does anyone else have a problem with Brewster ?" Answers on a postcard to Ian Black, c/o TCS, Inverness.

"genius" - "legend" - other teams set out to mark him. He is a promising young player who is an apprentice, learning his trade - he has potential - he has his strengths and his weaknesses - like most - he is inconsistent - he is a "squad" player at the moment - nothing more. I would question his attitude and his temperament - I suspect that he loses concentration when he has a bad spell or makes a mistake or two - he certainly appears to be one that does not react well to criticism from colleagues. Of course the jury is out - it will be till the end of the season - I am not overly impressed but give the poor **** a chance. The "hype" is from the fans - he has endeared himself cos he reacts to the fans - feckin fair play to him. How did you all feel when he cracked in the winner at Falkirk and made a bee line to the way support. I am quite happy to keep singing the Dougie Imrie ballad - the lad can only improve.

I actually do think that we are missing Marius. But here is what we are really missing - would this not have been a joy yesterday.

Something is wrong !!

JUST ASK IAN BLACK

Bottom six Mary - that is being very positive isnt it ?

So where has the Mercenary money gone ? So where has his Euro performance money gone ? Rumours are rife that we have been well and truly fecked by Savage and Eastern Europe and we are not in a position to look at new players and new contracts because of our financial position. And why are we sticking together at the top and keeping a silent vigil. Some of the Management are as invible as Roy McBain. Some of our Coaches are MacBrayne - esque. Do you all actually want to go down ? Would it not be more sensible to cull the top instead of being frugal at the bottom. Dont expect a response but yet another damnation of the cowards sitting in the boxes.

Inverness Caledonian Thistle manager Craig Brewster: "I think we performed well today. We had one lapse in concentration where we didn't deal with the initial header that broke - they reacted quickly and Mikolunas finished it well. "I think we were first class all over the park. One wee blip and it's cost us dearly, but we've done everything to try and score and what summed it up for me right at the death was that they had hardly any maroon jerseys up for their own corner. "You look to try and pick up points every game, whether it's home or away. Our away form has been excellent and I thought we had another excellent performance today, but we just couldn't get that elusive goal." So - why did you play a 4-4-2 with two strikers of similiar ilk ? Two players who didnt appear to know what each other was doing !! Why did you instruct Rooney to play deep when we had so much possession and control. Why didnt you have the guts to stick by the yoof ? - Are you wary of Maguire ; does Granty have to be an automatic choice ? Maguire is costing us games and Granty clearly wasnt 100% match fit - two good reasons to leave Duff in the mix. Why do you persist with Hastings ? Why did you play Black in the "holding" role ? Why did you lose YOUR discipline with him ? Why didnt you bollick him at full time instead of hooking him and losing us the game ? Why did you not play Cowie and Vigurs as you did at Falkirk ? Why did you direct Imrie to stay so deep ? Why did you push Cowie into a more central position ? Where the **** did you play Cowie ? Where the **** did you play Royster ? Why didnt you change to a 4-5-1 when we took control ? Why did you leave the substitutions too late - or did you let Black get under your skin ? What the **** are you going to do next week ? Do you have any pressing personal reasons to chuck it all in ?

At the moment - none of them - cos we feckin need them all !! What we need is to bring SPL players in - we need fresh blood and have done fer three transfer windows now. The big problem is that the two we need to hold on to Black and Cowie but they will hold out and I suspect both will be lubbly Xmas pressies - but not fer cash but on pre contracts - informal or formal !!

Here we go again - Black tells Brew what he thinks of his tactics and has a gob off at some of his colleagues - Brew - the consummate leader - decides to flex his muscles and ridicule Black by hooking him - and losing us a game at the same time - Black applauds the away support who react in kind - Brew totally ignores Black as he comes off - Black throws his shirt into the ground. Who do you blame ? Me - Brewster. Black is a player who plays better on adrenaline. He may be too outspoken at times but as a professional he must despair at Brews lack of tactical awareness at times. Brew is supposed to be the person who harnesses the personalities - unfortunately his personality disallows this !! So - I suspect that this time Black may be offski - that is a disgrace in itself. Still I reckon he will grace the Scotland shirt one day and he has to move on to better things. Will Brew now bench him again ? That would be typical arrogance and if it happens - I will be so Anti Brew as he - and our mangement - are dragging us into the SFL.

Following ICT is like putting on the kilt and joining the Tartan Army - Feckin great day out : Shame about the game !! The craic in the pubs before the game aint like it used to be - could be the recession has hit ? - still me, Mr Mann and Mann Junior gave a few spondoolachs to Diggers and the Tynie Arms and strolled to the game with a fair degree of alcohol fuelling us. Good following today - must have been 500 and a fair few wee singers at the back. I decided to leave this till the morning cos I was fuming yesterday and I will address the tactics on another thread. The performance was so frustrating - Did Hearts deliberately go out to score an early goal and shut up shop ? They went 5-4-1 AT HOME in the second half !! Was it a deliberate tactical manouevre as they had sussed that we are better on the break and the fact that we never looked like scoring ?? Were they simply BAD ?? I wouldnt be at all surprised that there goalie - Kello - got their MOM. Saying that our crossing and attempted finishing made him look good. We dominated - would love to know the posssession stats - we played the ball around a lot (usually getting nowhere) - we played some nice football at times (except in the last 20 metres from goal!!) - we tried to play with width at first (and then Brew changed it !!) - that was three points dropped as they were there fer the taking but - lets face it - some of our boys are NOT up to the SPL - although you could say the same about Hearts !! - and we are going to be in a rite bun fight to stay in the SPL this season. FRASER :D :D :D What did he have to do really ? I hardly noticed him. And most of his distribution was throw outs as Hearts were playing so deep. TOKELY :D :D :003: One of my all time legends - but - it is time to move over Rosscoe. He is as spirited as ever but his distribution yesterday was terrible. He did more cursing at himself than overlaps yesterday. MAGUIRE :D :D :D :022: At fault (again) for the goal - although him and Granty appeared to be blaming each other - and carried it on fer ages - other than that I thought he did OK but he makes too many mistakes. Will the manager have the balls to drop one of his faves - he should do but I doubt it. GRANTY :D :D :D Welcome back Skipper - did OK and wasnt really pressured. He evidently aint match fit though and he needs training by Rory de Lap cos his long throws were simply predictable lobs. HASTINGS :D :D :D Did OK as well but toiled at times against Kingston - still I am glad that Laryea isnt left footed cos he would have murdered us down the rite. Dick is another who is on extended time. COWIE :D :D :D :thumb04: :018: Is this an identical twin brother who stood in for the real Don Cowie - or was it the strains of fatherhood. He was a shadow of himself - I still think that he should take on a Wilson-esque role wide on the rite - can anyone tell me WHERE he was supposed to be playing yesterday ? BLACK :D :D :D :D :D Simply outstanding - despite being made to play in the hole in front of the defence !!! Black and Kingston were the only two players who looked up to SPL standard yesterday. I understand that the wee man had a go at Daddy Brew and some others at half time - quite feckin rite - his colleagues were on another planet yesterday. MCBAIN :D :D ;) Where was he playing ?? he was in front of Black running all over the place like a feckin headless chicken. Please give him a run at left full back or even wide left. IMRIE :D :D :015: :D Evidently a fan favourite - well he may be good at celebrating and waving but that is about it. He is ten times worse than Black was for his wee paddies - he totally loses concentration and is NOT SPL standard. How he wasnt hooked early doors is unbelievable. BARROWMAN :D :D :P :021: Has the touch but doesnt have the brawn. This lad is a "poacher" - a goalscorer - he isnt a lone striker. He must have felt frustrated cos how many times did he have a chance to see the goals !! ROONEY :D :003: :003: :D Getting fitter - getting better - put in a good shift yesterday but was a bit Marius-esque has he dropped back so much - or was it another flawed Brew tactic. IMHO if we were going to play 4-4-2 we should have stuck him rite up front with Barrowman. SUBS: WOOD :003: :003: :003: At least he had a fecking go and feckin ran at them. Burly lad who could get better - wish he had another season out on SFL loan to learn the trade though. VIGURS / WILSON - Basically should have been on a lot earlier - posiibly at the beginning !!! MOM - IAN BLACK by a country mile - when he went off I felt like making a feckin exit myself - our only hope of taking some points away with us were gone. He may have been too frustrated cos he had began playing a few bad balls but he must have looked around him and thought "what the **** am I doing here ?"

West Ham are really struggling - they even have been offered mega bucks by a leading Dog Food Company but the deal was vetoed by the Trades Description Act - Apparently it was stated that they couldnt have Winalot on the front of a West Ham shirt.

??? They've been dead a long time! Surnames were Lindsey, Hamilton, MacLeod, Armstrong and Millar. At least those are all I can remember without hunting up genealogical records. (In some cases I have things like burial records with entries like "Father's Birthplace: Scotland" without the father's first name! ) Bradford, Pennsylvania? **** me - Lindsey, Hamilton, MacLeod, Armstrong and Millar - that was the best forward line I ever saw. I think it was Bradford Park Northern from Transylvania.

The Chorley Inter City Firm will be there in strength - at least 40% proof.

I would have joined but I aint travelling with any feckin tinks.

Fraser Maguire/Proctor Duff Munro McBain Vigurs Cowie Duncan Black Imrie Barrowman

People should be drinking whisky and beer before a game - and lots of it. I am on the side of the yoof and suggest the blame lies with the middle aged goody two shoe teetotallers.

Ancestors 6-7 generations back - **** me I might have come across them - whats their names ? I once got thrown out of a feckin Folk Festival in a place curiously called Bradford - at least I think it was - and ended up in a cell in Chautauqua.

Duff and Vigurs maybe but Wood should not be played away from home - he could never play the lone role and we really need to revert to a 4-5-1 at Tynie. It could be the return of Barrowman - I think Rooney could play the lone striker in the future but he doesnt look sharp enuff yet.

Still 6-1 - Lets face it we have been well and truly sussed at home by opposition coaches. Plus we dont have anybody who plays the ball out of defence and - yes - we miss the lazy mercenary - at home he made us that bit different with his control and vision. But at least we can look forward to another away day at Tynie where we can defend and hit on the break. JINGLE BELLS - JINGLE BELLS - JINGLE ALL THE WAY - OH WAT FUN IT IS TO WATCH THE SNECKIE PLAY AWAY