IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER

For the benefit of the overseas contingent here is the Daily Retard report and some IHE conclusions. :003: :003: 7 July 2006 RECORD BREAKERS CALEY SLAUGHTER SORRY PART-TIMERS By Alasdair Fraser Montecatini 0 Inverness CT 12 INVERNESS romped to a club-record victory last night as they tore their Italian hosts to shreds. Montecatini Terme played in strips similar to those worn by Argentina, but their play was anything but silky as they fell behind just seconds after kick-off. Rory McAllister, who set another club record with the fastest goal, put Charlie Christie's side ahead after just 19 seconds. The Inverness youngster and team-mate Craig Dargo netted half their side's dozen with a hat-trick apiece. Caley Thistle may be viewed disparagingly as the honest toilers of the SPL but they produced all the cultured football in a region renowned for opera, olive oil and Renaissance art. The margin of victory surpassed the previous best of 8-1 against Annan Athletic. With their opponents looking more lower Highland League than the tour organisers' Scottish Second Division standard billing, the match quickly turned into a stroll. The heavens opened for a Scottish style downpour just after kick-off in a slightly surreal but spectacular Tuscan setting in the shadows of the hilltown peak of Montecatini Alto. Despite Italy being swept by World Cup fervour ahead of Sunday's Final, there were only eight spectators in evidence at kick-off. McAllister's header from an Alan Morgan cross was quickly followed by a thunderous Barry Wilson volley in two minutes. A brief purple patch from the hosts saw a scorching strike from Leo Cappablanca parried by keeper Mark Brown but Liam Keogh's simple sidefoot in 27 minutes and McAllister's equally easy effort minutes later, after the Italian defence went AWOL, made the friendly look like shooting practice. McAllister completed his first-half treble with a fine strike in 20 minutes. Ian Black's shimmy past two men early in the second half ended with a clinical shot past hapless home keeper Massimo Macchi. Number seven was rocketed home from an angle by substitute Dargo after the hour. There was thunder and lightening in the skies as Russell Duncan hit the eighth with the rarest of headers after 67 minutes. Dargo hit No.2 minutes later and, with a cleverly re-directed finish for his hat-trick, made it 10-0 after 77 minutes. Stuart McCaffrey's closerange finish two minutes later was followed by a Wyness effort, slipped into the net to complete the record haul. INVERNESS - Brown, Parratt, Dods, Munro, Golabek, Wilson, Keogh, McBain, Morgan, McAllister, Wyness. Subs: Fox, Dargo, Bayne, McCaffrey, Fraser, Duncan, Black. Parratt in at right back and Proctor excluded :010: Black and Dargo on the bench but both showed their worth when taken on :010: :010: Dods capitano and an Italian Machine :010: [move]READ BETWEEN THE FECKIN LINES :015: :015: :015:[/move]

[move]dont ya just feckin love the pre season banter :015: :015:[/move] WELL FECK ME - THERE COULD BE A TWIST IN THE TALE!!! INVERNESS SET TO SPLASH ON DARGO, DODS DEALS DAZZLER CALEY THISTLE are ready to make Craig Dargo and Darren Dods the best-paid players in the club's history. Inverness manager Charlie Christie is determined to resist the overtures of Craig Brewster's Dundee United and will offer the pair record contract extensions. Former Hibs defender Dods was a model of consistency at the heart of defence while Dargo scored 20 goals last season as Caley Jags narrowly missed out on the top six in only their second SPL term. Both are under contract until next summer, but Christie believes they could attract interest from bigger clubs than the Arabs should they repeat their form of last season. Speaking at the club's training base in Tuscany, Italy, Christie said: "I can say the deals we have put together for Darren and Craig would far outweigh anything this club has ever offered players in the past. That's a great pat on the back to the board of directors and also a reflection of how successful we've been, with the balance sheet showing a healthy profit. "I think it's only fair that a good percentage of the money is ploughed back into the team and I'm hopeful either one or both of Darren and Craig will choose to sign. But as our director of football Graeme Bennett has quite rightly indicated, the Dundee United interest is dead unless something changes spectacularly. "I've made it clear I'd rather let contracts run down as they do at clubs such as Celtic, Rangers, Hearts and Hibs. It may be my attitude would change if there was no progress come the January transfer window, depending on where we were in the league." Midfielder Ian Black has also been offered a considerable pay rise. Meanwhile, SFL player of the year John Rankin was last night close to completing a £65,000 move from Ross County to Caley Thistle. Rankin was finalising a contract in discussions between his agent Tom Callaghan and Caley Thistle director of football Graeme Bennett. [move]DONT FERGET TO READ BETWEEN THE LINES[/move] There may be a reprieve fer Black. Proctor is offski but the Butcher is having difficulty matching ICT's valuation and Brewster is desperately bargaining. Note that Black and Proctor were left out last night and do you not just love the one line left for Black in the above P&J report.

[move]READ ALL ABOUT IT IN THE RUMOUR MILL[/move] :011: :011:

What a feckin fantastic quote from the Daily Retard and Alisdair Fraser "Caley Thistle may be viewed disparagingly as the honest toilers of the SPL but they produced all the cultured football in a region renowned for opera, olive oil and Renaissance art." :clapping04: :clapping04: :clapping04:

But Hoolahan will be off to Swansea. :010: :010:

After all the ridicule and the petty jibes last week ya would fink that I would now be getting messages of apology and :notworthy01: :notworthy01:

Do you want some custard with it.

What about yerself ya stoopid ****.

So. That just proves that Black and Dargo are not gentlemen. And did Goughie not get on the shortlist but his wage demands were too high! And there is still yon feckin acquifer to sort out. :015: :015: :015:

WHY IS NOBODY FECKIN LISTENING TO ME The Rankin deal was done yonks ago but the stumbling point was the spondoolachs. The deals fer Black and Proctor was also agreed in principle at the end of last season. Again the stumbling block was the spondoolachs. Hoolahan was just in case the other deals nosedived. Hoolahan and Rankin are the same type of players. We needed the Arabs spondoolachs before we could get Rankin. Black and Proctor have not signed new deals cos they know that they are offski. Getting Rankin and keeping Dods more than evens it out. :003:

So there is more than feckin bananas in the cnuts head. Well done KB - join the 2:1 degree club - mine was in the treatment of psychosis!!! The drinks will be on me. :003: :003: What was it in by the way and what work will it get ya. Nice to see that QB has got a moving film of Mooncat as an avatar. :003:

I am reliably informed, by a Juve penpal, that this game will end 3-2 to ICT with a last minute penalty winner. :015: :015: :015:

WOW. :010: :010: Maybe the rumours were true about Keogh's todger and Rosscoe has got a tiddler. Must contact Squirrel fer an update.

I am reliably informed that Rankin will sign this afternoon BUT the Arabs have only bid fer Proctor and Black.

Even the JailEnder agrees. :003: Author: Subject: County accept Caleys offer for Rankin thejailender posted on 6-7-0606 at 06:53 AM County accept Caleys offer for Rankin Ross County have accepted Caley's offer of £65,000 for John Rankin. The player is now in talks with Caley regarding personal terms, but there should be no problems there, so the deal will probably be confirmed later today. The main reason for him being sold, I believe is that he was offered a new deal at County, and his reluctance to accept the deal did not impress new manager Scott leitch who only wants players who want to play for the club, and his indecision indicated he was not fully focused on playing for County - that is why the offer was accepted ! Ya get the prophecies first with IHE. :clapping04: :clapping04: :notworthy01: :notworthy01:

And if I get it rite. :010: :010:

The deal is in the feckin melting pot - ICT are happy, the Tinks are happy, Rankin and his agent are happy. Once we get Brewsters spondoolachs it will be easy street. I would rather play in the Ryman 3rd Diviiosn than play fer Tinkerville. :015: :015:

Ma first post is becoming as prophetic as ever. All this dilly feckin dallying and it was in the stars already. Of course they will accept the deal as they have still to fund the Rankin deal, which is already agreed in principle.

But there is still hope the groin and pelvic flare-up could set Tokely back weeks rather than months.

May I suggest that you do not pick the following team for any knockout games in the future: DAVID JAMES JAMIE CARRACHER GARTEH SOUTHGATE STUART PEARCE DAVID BATTY DAVID BECKHAM STEVEN GERRARD FRANK LAMPARD CHRIS WADDELL PETER CROUCH DARIUS VASSELL [move] :015: :015: :015: :015: :015: :015: :015: :015: :015: :015: :015:[/move]

SCOTTISH PERSONALITY OF SUMMER 2006 [move]ANDREW MURRAY OR CHRISTIAN RONALDO?[/move]

Behind doors it is finally done and dusted. Took a feckin long time but we have finally got our man. :003: :003:

Putting my plaster up in the front room pondering on wheteher to wear my Argentina or brazil tops. :001: :001:

And Barry could score a dodgy penalty winner in injury time. Colin Hendry was also on the course. :003:

Fer fecks sake lets get down to the nitty gritty. Does DS or Lilly Savage now owe me a double voddie and coke? :008: :008: