Caley Mad In Berks

Arrange a TV reality show with Lloyd Webber's help. Maybe we could call it 'How do you solve a problem like Mari-us'

Why are you so obsessed with what Marius earns?? :017: I assume you were pleased to see Bayne ahead of him yesterday then? And you'll now be pleased that Dennis has gone back to being ***** since Graham's started alongside him the last 3 games? And do you honestly think the way we played yesterday, and the complete shambles we witnessed on the pitch, is all down to the higher wages of one man? If the problems are all down to Marius's wages then it's embarrassing. And those players can get to feck, because they might well want to maintain the small team mentality which'll probably see us drift back down the leagues, but personally I'd like to see us get better, and bigger. If they're not good enough to acheive that, get rid of them. Mediocrity might be fine for some players and fans, but for some of us it isn't. Well said davieB, my sentiments exactly

Surely not this old chestnut again. If I were boss and I thought players were not performing because of wage structure issues, they would 'be down the road' before they could wink (yes, I did say wink!!)' I think there must be more to it.

's granny

There's a world of difference between playing hard within the rules and outside the rules. Yesterday he was downright stupid and well outside the rules.

steady with

Glen Miller's favourite In the moodle noodle

How do you guys think of these? I suppose you use your noddle noodle!

For Heavy Metal addicts ............ the Tin Can Noodle

I agree with you KB. I'm sure you didn't intend your initial 'return of the craic' post to be anything to do with the several 'Bayne' posts it has now been merged with. Same goes to my first reply to your post. This thread is now a complete nonsense.

I think you must be on crack!!!!

One of the best players ever produced in the UK, the great John Charles, could play centre half or centre forward with equal aplomb. So maybe it is not such an outrageous idea.

Soft option by the club in my view. Most employers would have shown him the door. In many other sports he would have had a lengthy ban. However, I'm glad its all over and I wish Richie well. I hope he realises how lucky he's been

Very good advice. I was lucky enough to play Turnberry quite a few years ago. It was a great experience. Golf must be just about the only game in the world where amateurs have the opportunity of playing on the same venues as the best players in the world. So make sure you enjoy it. Incidentally, I recently was on a golfing trip to the west coast of Ireland (County Mayo and County Sligo). Two of the courses I played there would walk into my top 10 of all time, and I've played over 250 courses world wide! Rosses Point and Enniscrone, two absolute gems, probably only their remoteness preventing them from being better known.

Foster is a top class keeper, but I can't see him coming to us on loan. He's probably on about ?10k a week with Utd. I can't see us paying 50% of that ( my understanding of the usual the loan arrangement). Nice idea though, and I'd love to see him with us, but it won't happen.

Being of that age, I was lucky enough,as a 9/10 year old, to see almost the exact XI you quoted, in my early days watching Caley in 1950/51/52 seasons. The only changes were at left back where a Polish (ex POW I think) called Marownski played, and Bobby McIntosh was at left half. Stootie Fraser came a bit later at left back. Certainly the best HL league team I ever saw. Happy days. I'd certainly agree about Frankie (the Arab) Mcbeth's crossing ability.

tacky takeaway

Right, I think. Its the latest operating system as far as I know. Not that it affects me. I'm still running an old wind up PC with Windows Millenium operating system.

Here is another complaint letter, this time to NTL Dear Cretins, I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office. My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website - how? I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After several further telephone calls (actually 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks) my modem arrived - a total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it. I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers is roughly 35% - these are usually the hours between about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of the useful periods over the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers. I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed), that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman) and several other variations on this theme. Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue. I thought BT were ****, that they had attained the holy ****-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of ******** you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cat's litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you, and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it's worthless employees. Have a nice day - may it be the last in your miserable short lives, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats, Yours psychotically, Xxxx Xxxxxxx

"Anonymised" wtf that? Another new word I never new existed! Good letter though. Have you seen this letter of complaint to a train company, which was doing the rounds a while ago? Great Eastern Railway Ltd. Customer Service Centre, North Station, Colchester, Essex, CO1 1XD 19 December 2001 Dear Sir or Madam: I write this letter out of anger at the state of the train service currently provided by yourselves. Today I have come to the end of my tether. I attempted to phone your customer service number to make a complaint but after being put on hold for 15 minutes I hung up. I am in complete disbelief at how you can continue charging so much for such a horrific service and wish to let you in on my average morning:- Every morning I park my car at Seven Kings aiming to board the 7.53am train to Liverpool Street station however since the trains rarely stick to any kind of time table this is irrelevant. I work just outside of Liverpool Street station and start work at 9am, this train should pull about 8.15am allowing plenty of time to be in the office well before 8.30am as well as enabling me to purchase breakfast on the way. I make my way to the platform to find literally hundreds of others standing on the station, indicating that there has not been a train for some time. I then wait for 10 minutes on the promise of ??the next train arriving at platform 3 will be the delayed 7.02am service (or some such ridiculous time) this train is expected to arrive in 2 minutes??. Five minutes still with no train having appeared I am greeted with the same monotonous voice which I have come to know so well, advising ??the next train to arrive at platform 3 will be the delayed 7.02am service this train is expected to arrive in 2 minutes, this delay has been caused by a signal failure in Greater Manchester??. By this time several thousand commuters are standing on the platform praying that lady luck is shining on them this morning and that when the next train pulls in the doors will by some miracle stop in front of them. Several commuters are leaning over the platform edge peering into the distance scanning the horizon for a rare sighting of a Great Eastern train which is virtually unheard of before 10am. Gasps of surprise spread along the platform when a train is spotted, however most are unsure whether their eyes are deceiving them. Never entirely convinced myself, I pinch my arm just to ensure this isn?t some kind of elaborate dream. A small waive of joy washes over me as I realise it is a train and not a mirage. Hooray I should be in work by 9am!! However, as the train starts to slow and the windows rush past any previous delight (or perhaps relief) experieced was short lived and has dissentegrated to nothing as I realise there is no way on Gods earth I am squashing my massive (note the sarcasm) 9 stone bulk into the 2 inch gap remaining in each carriage. So pursues my wait for the ?next train? if ever there will be one. The time now 8.20am breakfast plans are aborted (again) and I realise it is imperative I get on the next train or not only will I arrive at work hungry I will also be late. The next train pulls in and de ja vu kicks in. Packed, packed, packed!!! My fellow commuters (by this time running into millions) look aghast as I stand back about 3 meters, ??what is she doing???. The train stops and the doors open I take a run up?? a leap??. bang! Yes I?m on!! No one can breathe but at least I?m on. Minor celebrations begin in my head, a small band starts up and I feel rather smug at my good fortune. Everyone on the train is moaning, but what option to I have? 10% of my salary every month goes on to this service and I believe I have a right (although Great Eastern probably disagrees) to board a train. Besides what choice do I have I could be there all day!! Next challenge, the doors but luckily for me everyone is very experienced and as the familiar beeb beeb beeb sounds everyone inhales and after taking a few blows to either side of my head the doors close and we?re off. Well actually we?re going about as fast a tortoise with three legs, due to ?adverse weather conditions? which can be translated as ?spitting?. I suppose this could be deemed as understandable, the train system was designed optimistically I suspect with the expectance of glorious sunshine every day. I dread to think what will happen if the weather gets really bad, perhaps the ceilings will leak, perhaps they are made from canvas because they omitted to consider external stimuli such as rain, and sleet. God help us all if it snows! Next challenge ? Ilford. Not only do I now have a big muddy stain across my cheek and nose where my face has been squashed against the glass but I am fully aware of the fact I will have to fight to keep my place on this carriage especially if anyone wants to get off. What should be a pleasant journey to work is now more like survival of the fittest. Other passengers are now not considered as friendly fellow commuters they are the enemy designed to challenge your staying power and threaten your place on the carriage. Fortunately at Ilford no one needs to get off (phew) but now there are about 40 people charging at me who all appear keen to join us on our ?adventure? to work ? 1 lucky man makes it. By this stage the number of passengers present in each carriage is the equivalent of cramming about 100 sardines into a standard sized tin. We are so tightly packed in I cannot move my hands to get a tissue from my pocket to wipe my nose, I can feel a mobile phone vibrating in my pocket which I realise is not mine it belongs to the lady attached to my right hand side. On top of this the heat is unbearable I have sweat running down my forehead which I am powerless to do anything about. The 1 inch gap designed to ventilate the trains appear to be more designed as ?a little joke? by Great Eastern, who in the peak of British summer time took great pleasure in permanently wedging then half shut so they open barely a centimetre. In fact I?m half surprised they haven?t been glued completely shut for additional ?fun?. Eventually after the train has reluctantly dragged its feet into Stratford, the passengers who have now all bonded together to form a putty like human square burst open onto the platform and now its time for the recovery process. I take my hair down in an effort to dry the sweat out of it, I try to wipe the mud off of my face, I pick off the snot which has dried in a crusty trail from my nose to my upper lip and also try to regain the use of my body parts which have ceased up due to excessive pins and needles. We are then greeted at Liverpool Street station by stadium sized crowds queuing to get through the barriers. And after this I sprint to work like Linford Christie, scraping in by the skin of my teeth for 9am, looking like I?ve been dragged through a hedge backwards and understandably in a ?great? mood. A few comments for you to take on board:- ? Don?t add insult to injury by ?thanking us for travelling with Great Eastern?, as its certainly not something 99% of the passengers ?choose? they are just unfortunate enough to live near to one of your dire train stations. ? Do not ask us to accept your apologies for the delay, you should be apologising for the abysmal service, the over-packed trains and the extortionate price of travel. ? Perhaps the layout of the trains could be reconsidered, you are never going to be able to provide enough trains, so perhaps you could rip out the seats and everyone could stand up. You could then sell the seats at a car boot sale and perhaps offer a refund or Christmas bonus type scheme for season ticket holders. ? Why not consider a name change? I can?t think of a more ill-fitting name than ?Great Eastern? I should think ?S*y*e Eastern? would be far more appropriate. I trust someone will have the decency to read and respond to this letter, and perhaps even consider taking some of my innovative ideas on board. I look forward to your explanation, and proposed plans for improvements. Regards,

24/7

the dole

liberties with

Absolutely right, couldn't have put it better myself

Spot on. A much bigger loss than Dargo. What's happened to himbtw?