Gringo

followed by

pavement pizza

disrobed IHE

street corners

Happy Easter folks....

in wellies

rear end

because Avon

no-plucking laws

sherbert lemons

1. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. 2. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." 3. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. 4. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands. 5. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. 6. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "****" to someone who doesn't care much about you. 7. Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help. 8. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 9. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 10. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. 11. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. 12. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy." 13. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. 15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is ****?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. 16. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. 17. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. 18. Please place your donation in the envelope a long with the deceased person you want remembered. 19. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. 20. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. 21. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. 22. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 23. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 24. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. 25. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 26. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. 27. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare' s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 28. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. 29. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

difficult especially~when

as milking

:028:

bedroom because

because IHE

I can't!

garbage ever

:015: :015:

Yes...I just had to really. Cost me a friggin' fortune... :009:

furry dice

This is good...pinched from another forum.... :023: Read to the end . . . a new twist to an oldie.. Can you read these right the first time? 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row . 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick" You lovers of the English language might enjoy this. There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP." It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special. And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so............ it is time to shut UP ....! Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U-P

of topless :001:

I think this has been around a while and I may have already been here with it but, for those that haven't.....you'll love this one! John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Reckon I'd better be careful when the smoking ban comes into force down here in Englanshire then.... :023: :023: Thanks for the warning.