Feel free to smile.

[Dmacca]

Man goes to his Docter and says Docter i think i have something stuck up my bottom

Doc says take down your trousers bend over i will take a look

Man says can you see anything there Doc

Doc says yes i can looks like a lettuce

Man says a lettuce

Doc says yes and thats only the tip of the iceburg. Boom Boom

[tm4tj]

cos :007:

[SMEE]

Woman goes to the Docs for a full medical. When all is done.........the doc says to her........."I think you have acute angina".....and the woman replies......."thank you very much"

[Johnboy]

What's the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?

:drinking09:

[CaleyD]

A drunk doesn't go to classes 

[Heilandee]

A women goes to her doctor in Newcastle and says" I think i have a coconut stuck up me erse" the doctor says  " Aye,Yer bounty" 

[Johnboy]

[REMOVED]

If anyone thinks this joke is racist, and/or offensive. I apologise and I'll be happy to remove it... (or maybe someone will remove it for me)

I happen to think this is funny, but I'll be interested to hear what anyone else thinks....  :024:

[Guest sophia]

I most certainly find it to be racist.

The word "them" does it.

[Kingsmills]

I'm afraid that I tend to agree with Sophia.

[Guest donmac298]

Here we go again, the "racist" brigade are at it again.  Johnboy's post was just a bit of fun.  What the f*ck's the matter with you people?

[SMEE]

Am sad you felt you felt the need to remove your joke Johnboy. Dont give in to the do gooder sandal brigade!!!

[Scotty]

LOOK. I am sick and tired of this. Lets make this straight. We (admin/mods) run the website and we will allow, amend, remove postings as we see fit !!!! There is no voting, there is no discussion about it, we decide. If you can't handle that then go somewhere else. end of story. We don't have the time to babysit people who should know better or who want to try and make our lives more difficult by making an issue over the slightest little thing.

Johnboy had the good sense to preface a 'dodgy' joke with the option to remove it. a decision was made to remove it.  Johnboy hasnt complained, and we havent complained back at him, it is not necessary.

As you are sitting enjoying your weekend, surfing the net, just give a little consideration to the fact that yet again we are spending hours on end dealing with this kind of stuff and trying to get it sorted. Despite everything, we have listened to constructive feedback we have received from some users and we will be simplifying our terms and conditions over the next few days so that it is clear what is and is not allowed. We will also be trying to put other measures in place to make site moderation a lot more transparent. until then, all we are asking is that you bear with us and not try to wind us up - as after this last week or two we really are not in the mood to accept that.

[SMEE]

I thought johnboy had removed the jokes after comments made on two following posts. Al wager it wasnt THAT bad tho. Unless he was somehow implying in the joke it involved people of an inferior race or was showing an intolerance or hatred for a race......then it isnt "racist"!

But, it isnt my job to police and set the standards for the forum, so I will respect the policies of those that run the site.

[Guest donmac298]

I for one was not trying to wind you up.  The sad fact is that too many people who, most likely, have never encountered true racism play the racist card at every opportunity.  Had they lived and worked in Birmingham years ago like I did, they would know what racism was all about and believe me I felt sorry for the recipients.

Even I have been called a Jock ******* in my footballing days but I gave as good as I got and that was as far as it went.

I have no time for this nonsense and in my book the "do gooders" who embroil themselves in human rights and political correctness are doing more harm than good.  Just look at the situation in Elgin now....certain areas of the town have had the bus service withdrawn after 6pm.  I know what "human rights" I would dish out to those yobs.

 

[Guest sophia]

SMEE,

What is the tipping point for what is inoffensive racism and what is not?

I'll wager that most right minded readers that view text that refers to people with another colour of skin as "them" is at the very least divisive, if the same passage infers that the person with skin of that colour had less sense than a talking bird, well draw your own conclusions!

What was it you were saying about moderating your opinions as you get older?

Don?t make the present dire straits we find ourselves on on this board any more hazardous!

Anyway, on with the show:

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful?

I was walking Through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.

The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.  Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?"

[SMEE]

The "tipping point" is simply displaying behaviour that expresses a Hatred for another race....or expression of views that other races are inferior. FAiling that.....its not racism! Cant be more simplistic than that. DONMAC is on the money in his post, in my opinion.

[Guest sophia]

SMEE,

"Al wager it wasnt THAT bad tho."

This infers that you have not read what I think was an offensive post.

In this case I'm entitled to say that you don't know what you are talking about!

"expression of views that other races are inferior"

Let me tell you that the text passed your test.

Why not find a joke from somewhere and cheer us up!

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour

(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains

(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig??)

[SMEE]

No i never read the joke Sophia. I consciously worded my text to let that be known. At the end of the day, you see Johnboys post as racist, i would have taken it as was intended, ie. a JOKE. Guess am not as sensitive as you at the end of the day.

[Guest sophia]

I agree with Oscar

[Scotty]

at the end of the day we removed it because we felt it was borderline and regardless of what we do this is one of those damned if you do, damned if you dont scenarios.  Johnboy realised it was borderline so posted his disclaimer alongside it. Sensitivity is not an issue and I am sure just as many people may have found it inoffensive as offensive had we let it remain but we made our decision and that is that.

Donmac - as one half of an interracial couple, I can appreciate what you are talking about both in terms of experiencing racism first hand and also in seeing people (on each side) play the race card.

I can also take it a stage further and talk of my own experiences of racism that has occurred on a couple of occasions. Each time, it involved an argument and the other party involved told me to "go back to where you came from", presumably because of my accent rather than my skin tone. This truly astounded me and left me speechless. Both times were trivial events but it brought it home to me just how hurtful even the mildest remarks can be to someone who is nether expecting them nor deserving of them.

[Charles Bannerman]

Each time, it involved an argument and the other party involved told me to "go back to where you came from", presumably because of my accent rather than my skin tone.

Now that's a bit ironic! Presumably this was in Canada so, unless it happened to come from an Indian or an Inuit, there's a fair chance the individual concerned originally came from the same place as you did.... just a couple of generations earlier.

[Scotty]

Now that's a bit ironic! Presumably this was in Canada so, unless it happened to come from an Indian or an Inuit, there's a fair chance the individual concerned originally came from the same place as you did.... just a couple of generations earlier.

yup - on the first occasion, i would say the person was straight off the boat 3 generations ago ! and on the second, probably the descendant of such a person, definitely not a native Canadian thats for sure.

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality.... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.

-- Martin Luther King, Jr

A-feckin-men Brother Martin

[SMEE]

Am I right in saying something like 20% of Canadians are of Scottish bloodlines. Same as US...i saw a TV prog once and I was amazed at the percentage of Americans the prog stated were of Scottish Descendants

[Scotty]

Pretty close I think - according to Wikipedia it puts the figure at something like 4.2 million Canadians (14.08% of the population of around 30m) who claim to be Scottish-Canadian in one way or another. In the USA its 4.8 million out of 300 million or 1.7%. When you add the 'Scots-Irish' descent the number in the states rises to 9.2m !! so North America has an estimated 13.5 millions Scots ! (and still we cant get the decent Setanta channels)

Interesting to note some of the names who claim to be of Scottish descent .....

Scottish-Canadian

Neve Campbell

Alexander Keith (famous brewer over here - great beer !)

Sir John A MacDonald (first Canadian PM)

Roddy Piper (former WWE wrestler)

Donald Sutherland

Kiefer Sutherland

Mike Myers

Scottish-American

Tommy Hilfiger

Donald Trump (once saw a TV programme where he talked of a hebridean grand/great-grand parent)

Jennifer Aniston

James Dean

Clint Eastwood

Jay Leno

Ray Liotta

Jim Morrison

Elvis Pressley

Gwen Stefani

John Wayne

Neil Armstrong

Davy Crocket

Ulysses S Grant

Ronald Reagan

Edgar Allan Poe

Mark Twain