A campaign season ends and the battered and bruised HMS Sneck limps quietly into dry-dock.

A season of battles and skirmishes under a clueless leadership and a shell-shocked crew took its toll on the poor old girl. She rallied towards the end but her wounds had not healed and she succumbed to humiliation and ultimate defeat.

But fear not people. HMS Sneck has been modified and re-fitted. Her wounds have been healed. Her scars painted over and she is once again in a state of battle readiness.

At present she is undergoing sea trials around the firth of Moray under the watchful eye of Commander Butcher, he of English persuasion, who has, on more than one occasion, displayed his do or die attitude and his lust for victory. Lieutenant Malpas, a tactician of war with a record of success in many a battle. And captain Munro, a vital spark in the battles ahead. Those trials are showing that she is back on the route to success.

With a crew of experience and youth and a following of young and old HMS Sneck will once again show her dominance. With campaigns in the firths of Moray, Forth, Tay, Clyde and Solway about to begin HMS Sneck is armed and ready. Re-inforced with weapons of mass destruction she will head into battle all guns blazing from the off. She will create history. She will show the world she is not prepared to lay down her arms just yet. Her armoury will be stronger and more superior to that of the enemy and her course will always be set to go forward. Never will she retreat.

Be ready dear people. Be ready to fight and to follow and to believe in the strength and power of the old girl HMS Sneck.

^Maybe the mods have played their part in that Alex. For EG...on saturday.....on The Buckie Matchday thread, a question along the lines of ...has anyone mentioned what one of the trialists was like. So i made a tongue in cheek reply (witty and inoffensive) and a few others joined in. But the posts were all removed! And i thought at the time, this site is rapidly becoming a no humour zone! :020:

Yeah... I noticed that too Smee... Your post was witty and completely inoffensive...

I had to wonder at what kind of mind it might have offended.

^Maybe the mods have played their part in that Alex. For EG...on saturday.....on The Buckie Matchday thread, a question along the lines of ...has anyone mentioned what one of the trialists was like. So i made a tongue in cheek reply (witty and inoffensive) and a few others joined in. But the posts were all removed! And i thought at the time, this site is rapidly becoming a no humour zone! :020:

I removed the posts (including my own post warning a certain poster about their comments).

In all honesty, there was nothing wrong with your individual post, nor some of the others - it was banter, pure and simple but they would have been orphaned without context had I left them after removing certain comments. Matchday threads are given more wiggle room as far as going off-topic is concerned, and of the the first 25 posts, 16 of them were off-topic which was of no real concern. however two were of a personal nature towards a certain poster and while they might have gone over the heads of some, the person being needled noticed and complained.

The sad fact is that certain people on this site cannot tell the difference between banter and abuse/bullying or (in this case) inappropriate personal comments. When I received the complaint, this was the point where I decided to remove ALL off-topic postings on that thread.

nothing to do with a lack of humour on my part ... everything to do with one of your fellow posters screwing it up for everybody else by dropping it to a personal level.

HMS Sneck... Good laugh, If anyone doesn?t like the thread I agree they should user there rights to ignore it and not comment on it negatively... Long May you Sail long and fight hard.. Keep up the good work....

Can I "user there rights" to mock this.

For something to be a good laugh it helps if it's mildly amusing.

Hope you sink.

(Banter)

How about a HMS Sneck being entered in to the raft race.

I would volunteer myself as captain/crew but unfortunately in a freak accident I have cut off my fingers with a pair of scissors and the oar keeps falling out of my hand.

I could gladly give some advice on construction though, like length and depth of keel,calculating plaining speed and what size of outboard to use to win ect, I think the battery powered outboard should be silent enough, as long as we dont win by too great a margin I think we will get away with it!

I like this idea, maybe the Supporters Trust could be involved in some way. Think it would be a laugh. Applications would need to be in soon though, so anyone interested?

The Raft Race ...... that takes me back .... but the best fun is building and testing it in the weeks beforehand

Not amusing Wyness et pals ? I guess it can be hard for very young people to come into the land of the living

these days? C,mon use your imagination and leave the computer behind...

What does amuse you then? Bart Simpson?

This was hilarious stuff--even Chas bannerman was up in the Crow's nest with his aerial broadcasting blow-by-blow accounts of every skirmish. The flag flew bravely from the mizzen mast daily and Captain IHE was exhorting the troops at every turn who responded magnificently battle after battle, through the mists, the blood, the shattered gunwales and the cannon blowing up amidst a crescendo of screams and brave cries, screaming parrots and slurping of mainbraces.

Ahhhhhh..... come back HMS Sneck . You are sadly missed begorrah. :020: It was a time of change, of hope, of fear and excitement and ultimate exultation in the sterling victories of yore.

This HMS Shneck theme is brilliant. Was looking at her old tales from 2004 and was in absolute stitches all the way through with the 'Premier Fleet', 'HMS Tin Whistle' and when the HMS Jam Tart appeared I couldn't take anymore. This resurrection is the best thread that's been here since I've joined. Cringeworthy? NEVER

This is proof that not all good humour is lost on the young, believe me I am lolling.

'God Bless HMS Shneck and all who sail on her' - Long may her uprising continue

Edited July 13, 200916 yr by martinskye

I dont like the HMS part tbh...

I dont like the HMS part tbh...

HMS = Howdens Motor Submarine :huh:

I shall be at the wheel of the HMS Sneck on 8th August when we set sail for Dunpfarmland. Wonder if we'll have anyone walking the plank this season?

I shall be at the wheel of the HMS Sneck on 8th August when we set sail for Dunpfarmland. Wonder if we'll have anyone walking the plank this season?

Probably me.

You've got to be allowed aboard before you can walk the plank :huh:

You've got to be allowed aboard before you can walk the plank :huh:

Oh yeah. Forgot about that. Rules me out completly.

I shall be at the wheel of the HMS Sneck on 8th August when we set sail for Dunpfarmland. Wonder if we'll have anyone walking the plank this season?

If there happens to be a spare berth for this one perhaps you'd like to make a course detour up into the Tay.

Was the best theme thread of the early days. Long may it return and continue. I still remember the tears of laughter streaming down me cheeks.

And what a crew:-

Long John Saliva i/c getting the juices flowing in battle.

Naughty Nicky the parrot for raucous interludes between partings of the gunsmoke

Elegant Eagle Feathers i/c sails and dress codes for Plank Walking

Checky Gunwale i/c of cannon balls and grapeshot

Kaiser Jung Wilhelm 11, Subaltern, aide de c. to Captain IHE

I

==SNECK=== plus all the other members of the crew about to be named by sundry posters on

here who were privy to the initial plans for victory.

B)

But the Discovery is old...HMS Sneck is brand new, battle scared yes, but brand new. Its faster but wheteher its guns are aiming in the right direction remains to be seen...depends who's firing them! This could be a great battle on the oceans of the SFL.

I love HMS Sneck and all who sail in her.....its humour....and I like humour.

If its going on tour then we have a Canal Wharf in Coventry Nil.... :) :P

i lub you too gringers...

I am getting a little confused by this topic, What is everyone talking about? :021:

At around 5pm on saturday 18th July HMS Sneck slipped out of the basin of birds, not a mark on her hull. Indeed not one salvo fired from the Castleton of Brechin hit its target. Sneck fired a large number of shells at the Castleton though only five hit the target. Over the next few days her crew must work on their target practice. Failing to hit the target is a costly business and could give the enemy the impetus to rally and sneak a crippling direct hit. As one lucky hit could be fatal it is imperative that the crew of this good vessel learn that the armour must be strong around the weak point. They must defend the achilles and counter with salvo after salvo of heavy artillery.

The ship will return to her home base and exercise hard in preparation for the more serious battle against the forces of the Marquis of Montrose. Her crew will be ready for this battle.

Her rearguard and landbased support will take the time to reflect on todays actions and will discuss every good and bad point over the next seven days. They will plan their logistics and tactics and will be ready to form a supporting perimeter around the battle ground of Castle Tulloch. It is also expected that the old wardog and veteran tactician the Immortal Howden Ender could put in an appearance and bring with him his wit and wisdom. I would expect him to be found recruiting in the vodka dens of Innes street.

Edited July 18, 200916 yr by Alex MacLeod

G

Please ask Scotty how to access this very very inventive and funny thread of some 5 years ago. It was a beaut...

Totally brill man--(no reference to the Cream..Brill cream ...eh, what? )

Have some of the posts been deleted on this thread?

not deleted no, we have 'hidden' a few based on an ongoing moderator discussion. Yours was one of them but the content of your post is not a problem. We will be happy to give you an expanded explanation if you wish it. just drop me a PM and I will do that.

Oh no that's okay. I can pretty much guess what's going on. :P

I am getting a little confused by this topic, What is everyone talking about? :P

The mighty galleon of the HMS Sneck, and her noble adventures on the seven seas.

I am getting a little confused by this topic, What is everyone talking about? :confused01:

The mighty galleon of the HMS Sneck, and her noble adventures on the seven seas.

Not a galleon............a submarine.