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GRANVILLE, TOICH AND WILLIAM BELL PRODUCTIONS PROUDLY PRESENT FROM THE CULLICUDDEN COLLISEUM THE CTO FESTIVE FIVES 2019 (THE DOUGAL APPRECIATION CUP) WYNESS SHUFFLE V TRAVEL CLUB HOTSPURS Well the transport theme has taken on a new angle. Wyness Shuffle have been carrying out a pre-tournament podcast in the Culbokie Inn and have arrived in a tractor 2 minutes before the kick off. Nothing feckin new there then. But the Travel Club bring back the memories and turn up in a bedecked Double Decker. Not sure as to who is “Brains” and who is “Doughnut”. And it is on to the game and this is definitely a clash of styles. The staggering and noisy enthusiasm of youth (apart from Red Card) and the debonair, sedate and mature travelers. And the noise in the stadium goes up a notch as the opening goal comes in the very first minute. CaleyStan is still campaigning and trying to enlist new voters from the crowd as Moray Jaggie arrives like the Flying Scotsman and crosses the ball in for HEARACH to outjump Little Miss Moffat and the net bulges. As expected the Shuffle turn to the VER team but are summarily ignored. Tempers fray after that. The usually composed Mary Hill clashes with the tempestuous Lady Kath and they have to be separated by MoogThurso. Striling Observer show yellows to both participants. But it is not long for the equalizer to come. RedCard is on a high and aided by a Mike Ashley umbrella flies down the wing like a modern day Mary Poppins and his delightful though ball is met by RIG who cooly slots home. This continues to be a feisty affair. Weekend Hacker demonstrates the origin of his pseudonym as he hacks down Little Miss Moffat who retaliates and two further yellow cards are shown. Izzy takes both teams aside and rollocks them and suggests that any further bad behavior will lead to an ejection and a ban. This has clearly fired up the transport crew. johnh makes his first contribution to the game with a Ronaldoesque run and fires in a 30 yarder past a laboring CaleyStan. Mary Hill shows his frustration and CaleyStan has 100 lines to complete during the half time break as the Hotspurs retire 2-1 up. Half time entertainment is provided by two original shufflers – Tony Blackburn and Alan Freeman. The younger version decide that the opening track on the next podcast will be “You aint seen nothing yet”. Lets face it this could be Red Card (plus wig) and RIG in a few years time. The second half begins and HislopsOffside again looks shattered. But so do to the aging bus crew who now look more like a late night service to Hilton. But the Shuffle appear to have regrouped and have spent half-time quaffing in the bar and a tactical team talk from that famous manager – Moff !! Lady Fraser looks the worse for wear and admits that she has missed Lizi’s buns at half time. Hearach is still thinking about his goal as he is dispossessed by Mary Hill. He shimmers daintly down the wing and chips delightfully over the advancing Izzy and the final touch is applied by LITTLE MISS MOFFAT who gesticulates to the massed Cullicudden Cowshed. So it is all to play for and the Shufflers are putting on all the pressure and it looks like there is no return ticket for the Hotspurs. But have we talked too soon. In the dying moments MorayJaggie runs like an express out of his goalmouth and his hoof finds johnh clear in a deserted opposition half. His glorious chip hits the underside of the crossbar and appears to have bounced just over the goal line. Everything and everybody stops. It is like watching in slow motion. And then CALEY STAN takes a swipe at the ball as if it was Boris Johnson’s napper and the ball flies all the way down the pitch and into an empty Travel Club net. Now everything and everybody is focused on the VER team. And one can’t help at thinking that there is some funny family business goes on as Caley 100 shouts “It was never over the line ya fanny”. His compatriots agree and the goal is awarded and the final whistle is blown. Izzy and Lady Kath are red carded for bad language. The Wyness Shuffle invite CaleyTennis to be the celebrity on their next podcast. Hislopsoffsideagain has collapsed. And this is merely the end of Day One. FT - WYNESS SHUFFLE 3 TRAVEL CLUB HOTSPURS 2

GRANVILLE, TOICH AND WILLIAM BELL PRODUCTIONS PROUDLY PRESENT FROM THE CULLICUDDEN COLLISEUM THE CTO FESTIVE FIVES 2019 (THE DOUGAL APPRECIATION CUP) LAST OF THE SUMMER WINE V DRONERS And it is time to kick off the Festive Fives and hopefully provide more entertainment than was on offer in the dreich depths of Maryhill at the weekend. Teams have been asked to turn up in appropriate transport this year. The Winos have arrived in a Vintage Austin driven by the equally ancient IBM. Caley Mad in Berks would have preferred Easy Jet but they don’t do bargain flights any more. The Droners arrive in the Coovan driven by the svelte Caley D. Scarlet Pimple is in the Coovan but he would have preferred to be in his first car – which can be seen in any episode of the Flinstones. Stirling Observer blows the whistle and the competition begins. The 20,000 strong crowd go ballistic. Polo Chick makes the first impression as he/she (??) drives into the Winos box but sclaffs her final touch. Robbo pens her in to play up front with White against Dungdee. The winos appear content to sit back and soak up the pressure. Or is it a case that most of them struggle walking far less running. (apart from Old Caley Girl of course – xx). But it is not long before the opening goal is scored. Caley Canary goes down the wing like a flying Pukki and his cross is nodded in by FRAZ who celebrates with the watching wife and wee girls and dreams of the whisky and beer celebration later. But in true Morelos style he is awarded a yellow card by MoogThurso. But just on the half-time whistle the original Summer Winers combine and it is a joy to watch the Mantis and NAELIFTS combination grace the competition again. So at the break the teams go in level. Lizi gets her buns out as she regularly does on the Supporter bus. Caley Tennis introduces himself to the crowd at half-time but fortunately 19,999 have headed to the Hastie Pastie Shack. Caley Hedgehog parades her Xmas goodies in the aisles and we are back into action for the second 15 minutes. And it isn’t long before the first controversial VER (Viewing Erseholes Ruling) incident occurs. Hawkeye the Gnu and Wyness101 play two delightful 1-2’s and the cross is headed home by Caley D. HOWEVER Caley Tennis calls for VER and many may feel that it is a payback situation. BUT Caley100 and Snorbencaleyman declare that Caley D’s shirt was 1cm offside. Perhaps he should not have worn his old XXXXXL top ? It is also noted that Mantis and Naelifts have both planted a note in the pocket of Ymip. And just as it looks like we are going to penalties the game is won. Scarlet Pimple is robbed of possession by Old Caley Girl. She probably feels guilty as she could be a carer to the old moose. But she surges into the box, trips over her Nora Batty stockings but there is IBM racing in like a feckin Ferrari to blast the ball into the back of the hairnet, also dropped by Old Caley Girl. Polo Chick and Wyness101 protest as they usually do at the end of a game, VER team do not respond, dougiedanger and downinthedumps break into a Showaddywaddy favourite and Stirling Observer blows the final whistle. Lizi gets her buns out again. What a feckin start. FT - LAST OF THE SUMMER WINE 2 DRONERS 1

Quite possibly the most entertaining thread ever .??

Dundee bus on 4th January is free for Supporters Travel Club members. Book early to avoid disappointment.

Robbo was desperado to hang on 2 White St Mirren wanted him! We could've replaced him the budget was wasted on a Striker he doesn't play and a striker he plays onthe wing!