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In a surprise attack yesterday, special forces commanded by military chief Sir Terence Butcher were finally successful in their mission to assassinate Grant Munro and Russell Duncan. It is thought that Munro and Duncan had been hiding out in a remote and mountainous part of Scotland for the last 10 years. Much of that time was thought to have been spent at a training camp east of Inverness, where the football fundamentalists attempted to radicalise other recruits into believing passionately in their cause. In addition to reading sacred texts from the Kerrang, the pair were known to pray 4 times a day in the direction of Mosstodloch in honour of their mastermind, known simply as “Pele”. Pele is understood to be the spiritual leader of the group of known as Al Qaholica, for whom the Highland region has long been a fertile recruiting ground. In a bizarre ritual, sympathisers and followers are understood to congregate regularly in known meeting spots, chanting “Qhali” repeatedly after consuming vast quantities of intoxicating liquor. Another of Pele’s henchmen, known as Ross Tokely, is understood to have escaped. “I’ve been after Tokely for years” sighed a disappointed Butcher. “We located him and sent in the helicopters to take him down, but he swatted them away like flies. I then implemented plan B, which was to call in air strikes. At first we thought they were having an effect, but then it became apparent that Tokely’s reaction was simply laughter because the missiles were a bit tickly. He’s got away for now, but believe me, I’ll be doing everything I can to get him as soon as I can, and the same goes for any other Pele sympathisers I come across. Roy? Golly? Nobody is a better manager than me, is that clear?” Butcher himself had a long and distinguished military career, seeing active service in warzones such as Govan. He notably received a commendation for bravery after losing all his limbs in the midst of a battle but insisting that a simple bandage would enable him to carry on. Commenting further on yesterday’s successful operation, Butcher added “This mission to get Munro and Duncan was a long time in the making, and Tulloch Caledonian Stadium will be a better place without them. Munro thought he was getting a new contract but it was a simple misunderstanding after I said was I was taking out a contract on him. He was the one I really wanted because he was leader of this cell and I’ve tried to take him down before, but Duncan had been protecting him for years, thwarting numerous attacks. I’d also seen horrific videos on the web of these guys in action. Some of the ones featuring Duncan portray absolutely shocking scenes of heading.” Another detail of the operation to emerge is that the initial plan was for it to be carried out by a crack Israeli unit. “But sadly, he got injured.....again“ said Butcher. “In fact even when he’s not injured, he’s actually pretty ineffective, but we’ll see, I might give him another few years just cos I hired him and he’s not one of Pele’s followers.” The whereabouts of the remains of Munro and Duncan was the subject of much speculation, but Butcher confirms that they were taken out into the Moray Firth at night and pushed out of the back of a dolphin cruise boat, in accordance with strict local custom. But this hasn’t stopped conspiracy theorists speculating that the two will somehow “come back to haunt” Butcher. When asked if his next mission would be to tackle a group of Irish Republicans believed to be a potent attacking threat operating in the Inverness area, Butcher quickly gets up to leave the press conference and makes for the door with fear evident in his eyes. “’Kinell, I ain’t messing with the likes of Ritchie Foran! Fundamendalists, no bother. Mentalists like that, no chance!”

The bit I just highlighted is the problem .... no point having a go at anyone else for stating an opinion. The plain and simple fact is that the powers that be, most of whom have never stood on a terrace in their lives have deemed that standing is not allowed and when you "get picked on" for standing up, its because the stewards are applying the stadium rules - ludicrous and ridiculous though they may be. Much like referees, stewards are also not consistent, treating home/away fans differently, or being more officious with smaller supports while leaving the green and blue hordes to do as they please .... its not right, and its very frustrating, but I am afraid you just have to suck it up because regardless of anything else, what you are trying to do is against the rules and you will not win the argument by defying those rules or making excuses about inconsistent treatment. Get militant with them, and they will just give the same back tenfold. Been there, done that, got the bruises and scars to show for it. You want to make that better? You need to change tactics, and (for some) stop trotting out the excuse that "they are allowed to do it". Many stewards (not all) love the power trip, and its a lot easier to pick on a small support, and the younger members of that support when they want to feel like a big man .... equally, if you give them dogs abuse back, or disrespect the decent stewards then there is only ever going to be one winner .... and thats not you. You perhaps need to pay heed to where/how you can push the limits and where you might need to take a step back if you know certain stewards will be assholes. You also need to try and change it from within !!! The Safe Standing campaign has gained ground in recent years, and the introduction of safe standing areas in German grounds is a good focus to show it can be done, and it can be done safely .... you just have to keep pushing. I cannot and will not slag off any of the people attending games given that I manage maybe 1 or 2 a year on a trip home if I am lucky ... however, I will note that compared to my bi-weekly fix of footie at Toronto FC, where standing is encouraged (even mandated) in certain sections, and used by the club for the last 5 years to "sell the atmosphere" of the club, on my last trip home I was pretty shocked at how 'docile' we had become and disheartened by the explanation that it was because of this rule and that rule .... its no longer about allowing people to enjoy themselves, its about petty rules and 'concerns'. Thats not football !!! But to change it for the better, it needs to be somewhat collaborative because those in charge have shown time and time again, that when presented with confrontation they will go ten times further in the other direction !!!!

I really wasn't going to get involved in this, as I am aware that opinions are polarised and anything that I say will not make a jot of difference (much like anything I said to the Stewards on Saturday) I am a wee bit surprised at Caley D's attitude on this one, it's a bit sactimonious and to be fair, I didn't see him at Aberdeen so his judgements may be based on the observations of others. There is no case for banning anyone, or for Senior Mods to be suggesting so.If the ejected are reported to ICT, and a reason given for their ejection from the ground by the stewards I would have to regard that as unreliable and unenforceable without the intervention of the local Polis. They certainly couldn't be regarded as impartial and empathic in their treatment of paying customers of whatever persuasion. As far as the OP goes, I do sympathise but there is a history of "industrial" language being used at matches and on Saturday it was widespread and frequent - I doubt if that will change at any time soon in response to any group of fans watching what was served up. It's what Roy Keane referred to as the "prawn sandwiches" syndrome. I agree that the F&C combination was wearing, it was used by a friend of ours in the first 10 minutes and he was asked to desist after it was noticed that he was offending people.He did. The lads language was no worse than that of the steward who ejected him later for standing when the row in front of him were also standing, and his behaviour infinitely better. As above, there is no case to be disgusted at the behaviour of our fans; they are just a cross section of a wider society and will neither conform nor probably recognise yours (or my) moral standards. They have their own, and these will be influenced by asking them to change at the time of offence, not sniping anonymously on an internet forum. The problem wasn't actually with the standing, it was with the fact that Stewards (especially the lady one) were engaging people in confrontational conversations about sitting/ standing/ being in the sunshine, being treated differently from Aberdeen fans, speaking back when they had (largely) paid more money to get in etc. It was very, very unneccessary and some of the things being said to "offenders" were so innacurate they really did need countering. The unfortunate corrollory of this is that when this stuff was countered (no matter how temperately) people were ejected. It's right that this is not the first time, and complaints about stewarding misbehaviour have been proven and upheld - a St. Mirren one was dismissed for his behaviour. It's also true that the same people crop up again and agin (IHE where are you? I need you to make me look good here) are they simply the ones who refuse to be herded according to the whims of stewards? I think that there were, by the end, more people in the Caley Golf Club than in the away stand. And for what? And they were'nt foul mouthed yobs of limited intelligence either - or exclusively young or inebriated as has been hinted at. Just a cross section of folk who went to a game and were unlucky enough to be randomly targetted, and whose only fault was to be more visible than those prepared to put up with the nonsense. It is indicative of the insularity of our support that they believe that this "problem" is unique to ICT. Please just take a trip through Pie&Bovril and you will find similar threads from every SPL club excepting the OF for obvious reasons. The suggestion from GMD that "most fans in the world" adhere to his guidance is disproved easily by watching any game on telly, from Old trafford to Munich to Barcelona. Sitting peacefully? I think not and neither was the entire Celtic support last night. I don't remember us having the same problem in Div 1, or having a bad reputation in Div 1. It really does appear to be a problem that has arisen all over Scotland this year in the SPL, and I think that only the Stewarding Companies and their controllers can answer why. I spent nearly ?120 on Saturday to have to take as much time looking over my shoulder as I did watching the match. I was worried about my kid (one of your "bouncy bouncy brigade") Is it worth going anymore to be herded as unquestioning cattle in a hostile environment and then labelled disgracefulby your fellow fans? I really don't know anymore.

i would just like to take a moment to thank everyone at the club for a fantastic first season back in the spl i havent made it to as many games as i would have liked and on occasion have felt like a jinx at the ones i have been to all in all though finishing where we are in the way we are has made it worth while for me. i am looking forward to a new look caley next season pushing on from where we finish in a real drive for consolodating the clubs position in the league and maybe sneaking into the top 6 on a final not e i would like to add an extra thanks to all the players not having contracts renewed, it will be sad to see you go and thanks for all the dedicated service you have given to caley over the years. it will not easily be forgotten. if i see you out and about i may just buy you a pint heres to next season guys

Are we talking about the fantastically wonderful ref that booked Sutherland as he hobbled off the pitch?

Going by the number of red dots, I'm guessing it was lost on everyone else Didn't think u were calling for Grant's head, just found it a bit needless in the spirit of the thread TBH, that's all.

I'm the wee guy on the left...feel free to come and say hi any time you like.

I suspect I may be wasting my breath, but you're totally missing the point. You've said it yourself, you like to jump about...the rules say you are not allowed. Whether you agree with the rules or not, if you are asked to stop and you refuse and/or give back chat then you are antagonising the situation and you CAN NOT WIN that argument in that situation. It doesn't matter how many other people are standing, where they are standing or who they support....you are in the wrong and the fact they are also in the wrong and just so happen to be getting away with it does not suddenly make you right. It might not be fair, but lots of things in life are like that and maybe with age you'll come to realise it. Like it or not, we live in a society governed by rules and regulations...and there's plenty of them which people do not agree with. If you choose to fight that by going out of your way to break the rules to make your point then you have to accept the consequences and, when your breaking of the rules starts to impact on others you have to accept the criticism that comes from that as well. I've not once said I agree with the rules or the actions of the stewards, what I am saying is that your actions should not be allowed to spoil things for others. When stewards are wading in because you are not adhering to the rules (you have admitted you don't) then that interferes with the enjoyment of the game for others....what gives you that right? Have you even stopped for so much as a second to consider other people or is it a simple case of "we're enjoying ourselves, screw everyone else"? I bet you're the kind of person that likes to play music full blast at all hours of the day and are of the opinion that if the neighbours don't like it then they should move? I'll quite happily back any campaign to get rid of the "you must sit" rule, and I have (and will again) go to bat for anyone I think has been unjustly treated. What I won't do is give any backing to those such as yourself who think they can do as they please with impunity...regardless of whether I agree with the rules being breached or not. I don't want to see you guys being ejected or banned from games, but if your actions are causing problems and spoiling things for others then I'd rather see you turfed than them stop attending games. I'm all for creating atmosphere, I'm all for having a bit of craic and I don't even mind the swearing or slightly tasteless songs/chants (within reason)....I have/do partake of such things myself at games. I'll stand at games when/where I think I can get away with it, but if asked to sit then I do so....not because I think I should, but because I know trying to argue is a fruitless task. At the end of the day, the choice is yours. But please not have the "poor wee innocents" routine, especially not when you've openly admitted to breaking the rules and being of the opinion that if others don't like it then it's their tough.

According to the Daily Record George Adams spoke to Grant on Tuesday night with the view to further talks . Sounds like the prospect of moving to County was the kick up the backside he needed to put in a great performance and fight for his place here.

I stood at the very back row until the steward asked me to sit. I did this but pointed out the simple fact that a matter of feet away people were standing in exactly the same row but wearing red. Tuff was the answer. Fair enough. For the rest off the game I stood when we all did, be it at the front or the back, when we went close or to show appreciation for some good play. Then at 1615 I had to stand to get my phone out of my pocket, once I took it out I sat back down only to be asked " Can I have a word over here please sir". I was advised as I has stood up I was being asked to leave. I was then advised that I was unfortunate as they were going to throw people out starting from the right and work their way along and my seat was first. It may be all that crow stuff Mr D but we can we really no longer stand when we have a chance or a corner? Soon we will not be able to stand to get to the toilet. On a side note, can anyone answer why it is safe to stand and walk anywhere at half time?

In a further development, Sir Terence "The Butcher" last night celebrate victory after launching a serious of audacious attacks on the much feared Parkhid tribe, a fierce but primitive faction who live in caves in the west. "I sent in an elite squad of special forces and they didn't let me down" said the commander proudly. But media attention quickly focused on whether or not it would be appropriate to release a photo of vanquished tribal leader, Lennon. "I've seen the photo of his face" said Butcher. "And it's a truly gruesome sight, all hideous and contorted. To release that picture into the public domain would be distasteful and disturbing. And you've got to consider the impact an image like that would have on children who might see it. There could be lasting damage." "Followers of Lennon are also making the point that releasing the photo would be seen as parading a trophy. But I would suggest it's the only trophy they'd be seeing any time soon" he quipped.

You'd swear Butcher was standing in the background laughing in this shot....

Having now had a few seconds to reflect, I thought Chris Innes was also fantastic tonight, using all his experience to snuff out Celtic, well done big man and enjoy the moment. I have never ever seen the team work so hard for each other as they did tonight, this was an exceptional performance and we could easily have won by much more, but who cares, a win over a team challenging at the sharp end of the league is always comforting and I have a warm glow inside, especially thinking about all the local non-Invernes fans....GIRUY, that's all.

Sorry but I don't think someone dressed as a bear in a cardboard tank with tracks drawn in felt tip pen on the side would ever set me off, whatever the circumstance. Get a grip!

I think the S.N.P have done very well as a minority government and Alex Salmond deserves another term as First Minister. I'll vote S.N.P with both votes . I wasn't quite sure what to expect with a minority government but what strikes me about the SNP ministers is their genuine passion for Scotland and will to improve things. I also don't buy into the unionist doomsday view on independence.I find it very patronising . This is an election to choose the next government at Holyrood. Independence would be decided in a referendum of the people and I don't see why anyone should fear or be denied their right to choose, whatever their view.

Did anyone see the slimy creep Doncaster during the Saint Johnstone v Rangers game last night? He was trying to spin some stats that apparently showed that the majority of Scottish football fans were keen for the 10 team set up. He appeared to seize upon the fact that in a recent poll 2% of fans wanted the set up to stay as it is claiming this was sure fire proof that a move to a 10 team top division is what the majority wanted clearly overlooking the fact that whilst 98% of fans polled wanted change the exact change that they asked for wasn't mentioned. Horrible person.

alex salmond going to phone david cameron tonight to tell him what he thinks of him

I don't think people would be that stupid. You on the other hand....... Have you ever been to a big , high pressure local derby ? No , didn't think so .

Na

A midfield that contained Duff, would you believe it!!!!! Some would have you believe he can't even play football.....

I was ashamed at the behaviour of some of our support on Saturday! Told to sit on their rear end by the stewards, only resulted in a total 'face up' to them and this was justified by the fact that some fans were standing in the Aberdeen area. For Heavens sake - we see this at all OF games and realise that there is one law for some and not for others .. BUT this does NOT justify bad behaviour. 'Throw out' resulted in some 'fans' anyway being seated at the back of the empty section next to the Aberdeen fans but under the watchful eye of the stewards - enjoying possibly a better viewing spot than we had, seated as we were above the goal line. The upshot of their behaviour resulted in some ladies around me being most concerned for the 'ejected' fans BUT the 'Bouncy, Bouncy' brigade was NOT there to watch the match but on a wind up mission and they blooming well wound me up and others around me as we missed part of a game due to stewards having to invade our space to get at the 'fans'. A lady on my right gave the proper response as one silly wee laddie was being led out past us with a BIG smile on his face ... " I suppose your richt proud of yursell now!!" (Wicker accent) I could not have put it better!! Action in the shape of a 'skelped dock' is called for by parents of some of their offspring's as they may think they are big enough to make trouble but their wee brains have yet to mature, in my opinion! Please grow up and behave as ambassadors of ICT!!