Yngwie

For the best goal ratio one, most clubs have a player who only made one or two appearances but got a goal.

That one's hardly a postponement! We were at Hampden that day for the Scottish Cup semi-final v Dunfermline (1-1).

Interesting, I would put it down as the most left wing mainstream paper there is. Have you ever tried the Morning Star? Don't think you've been able to get it in the shops since the collapse of communism, but it has a website.

Strange as it may seem, I think you are both right.

What will you say in 10 years time? 2000 and 20? The cricket world will be looking forward to the Twenty20 world cup that year.

Two thousand and ten is the correct way, but in modern times if anything with 5 syllables can be shortened to 3, then it will be.

We also refused to pursue Sir Alex and Arsene Wenger. Coyle had bigger ambitions and wasn't interested, plus we would never have paid the 6 figure compensation.

No, it goes up the A9 at about 40mph :( Their drivers apparently get a bonus based on the length of the resulting convoy.

And then, after 2 weeks without a bin collection due to the weather, I was delighted to see a bin lorry up the street. However, it then became apparent that it wasn't their job to pull wheeliebins through the snow and ice. They happily sat in the cab and watched while the residents, including pensioners, struggled away.

Compare this dedication with the Scottish Gas man I got. After waiting several days for them to come and fix a problem, he turns up and says that for health and safety reasons he won't be able to take his tools out of the van and carry them 8 yards up the driveway. I very politely offered to go and get them for him, but no no no, I wasn't insured!

Can we track him down and give him a job in the ICT car park?

Proving that he's not as good as Barrowman.

The best thing about darts was Sid Waddell, one of the greatest sports commentators of all time. Here are some of his best lines. ?Jocky Wilson . . . What an athlete.? ?That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!? ?He's about as predictable as a Wasp on speed? ?Look at the man go, its like trying to stop a waterbuffalo with a pea-shooter? ?The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in with a portion of chips, you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them? ?Big Cliff Lazarenko's idea of exercise is sitting in a room with the windows open taking the lid off something cool and fizzy.? ?It's like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline? ?Well as giraffes say, you don't get no leaves unless you stick your neck out? ?His eyes are bulging like the belly of a hungry ch.affinch? ?That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus.? ?It's the nearest thing to public execution this side of Saudi Arabia.? ?His physiognomy is that of a weeping Madonna.? ?He's as cool as a prized marrow!? ?Under that heart of stone beat muscles of pure flint.? ?He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave.? ?The pendulum swinging back and forth like a metronome? ?His face is sagging with tension.? ?The fans now, with their eyes pierced on the dart board.? ?He's been burning the midnight oil at both ends.? ?That's like giving Dracula the keys to the blood bank? ?As they say at the DHSS, we're getting the full benefit here.? ?He is as slick as minestrone soup? ?There hasn't been this much excitement since the Romans fed the Christians to the Lions.? ?The players are under so much duress, it's like duressic park out there!? ?This lad has more checkouts than Tescos.? ?John Lowe is striding out like Alexander the Great conquering the Persians? ?By the time of the final on Sunday he should be fit to burst!? ?There's only one word for that - magic darts!? ?Keith Deller's not just an underdog, he's an underpuppy!? ?I don't know what he's had for breakfast but Taylor knocked the Snap, Crackle and Pop outta Bristow? ?Even Hypotenuse would have trouble working out these angles? ?Steve Beaton - The adonis of darts, what poise, what elegance - a true roman gladiator with plenty of hair wax.? ?If you're round your auntie's tonight, tell her to stop making the cookie's and come thru to the living room and watch these two amazing athletes beat the proverbial house out of each other? ?When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer..... Bristow's only 27.? ?Eat your heart out Harold Pinter, we've got drama with a capital D in Essex.? ?If we'd had Phil Taylor at Hastings against the Normans, they'd have gone home.? ?He's playing out of his pie crust.? ?They won't just have to play outta their skin to beat Phil Taylor. They'll have to play outta their essence!? ?Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall body strength.? ?There's no one quicker than these two tungsten tossers... ? ?Look at him as he takes his stance, like he has been sculptured, whereas Bobby George is like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.? ?He's playing like Robin Hood in the Nottingham super league? ?Phil Taylor's got the consistency of a planet ... and he's in a darts orbit!? ?The atmosphere is a cross between the Munich Beer Festival and the Coliseum when the Christians were on the menu.? ?He's like D'Artagnan at the scissor factory.? ?Steve Beaton, he's not Adonis, he's THE donis?

My advice would be not to buy French cars. The Peugeot I once had spontaneously combusted and nearly took the house with it.

Has the poor lad inherited a genetic defect?

Most of the developments described by Charles as "lucky" were actually the result of brave decisions and initiatives from the boardroom.

Really? You can't have seen many of them.

Slightly O/T, but I only just found out the other day that a young "Stacey" is the porn star stand-in in Love Actually. I prefer her with her clothes on.

Gorgeous.

Yes, the New Year's day one The Fly drove up to overnight from London!

Presumably someone somehwere has thousands of pies needing a good home?

Sadly it is on the official site that the derby is off.

They've got zero chance of filling the Utd vacancy, but they are quite an attractive double act to smaller clubs with less money. Like us.

No chance whatsoever of Malpas being manager.

Not a bad result against the best team in the league. Anyone still hoping for promotion must surely now accept its all over though - including our Board?