Now I appreciate this is entitled in a style normally only seen on dodgy emails for ***** enlargement or Nigerian princes offering a billion pounds but I have a foolproof way to get more punters through the gate.

Sign a Polish player, he doesn't need to be very good or even feature that much but the polish community in Inverness is huge and would flock to watch one of their own playing.

The polish Sunday league team in Inverness take 30 fans to all their games that's a fifth of our attendance today.

Having come up with such genius I shall now sit back and await my OBE for services to football.

No sorry not for me - I'd never get the spelling right for Gringo's first scorer!

Before we target minorities like the Poles etc, remember there's an untapped market of tens of thousands of Invernessians who've never been to TCS either.

you call them invernessians? i call them plebs.

Wasnt that long ago that Zibi Malkowski played for us a handful of times ..... 3 games in fact, all home ones. 2 games were against Gretna and 1 was against Aberdeen, and our crowds were :

• (H) Gretna - Lge Cup, 25/09/07 - attendance 1717 (midweek game)
• (H) Aberdeen - SPL, 21/10/07 - attendance 6023
• (H) Gretna - SPL, 3/5/08 - attendance 3639

Our average Vs Aberdeen is 5670 although that has been dragged down in recent years as the attendances fall. In 2005-2008 our average was 6355. From 2010-2012 that drops to 4870 ...... We only played Gretna 3 times at the TCS. The 2 games listed above plus 3919 for a game on 5th Jan 2008 .....

 

Doesnt look like Zibi inspired the Polish community back in 07/08 .... maybe he wasnt a big enough star?

Wonderful idea --provided our new  aquiree has a bit of polish about his demeanour and play.

 

And provided he is willing to wiork hard in training such that Terry the Terrible relents a wee bit and opine.." Eh bah gum, lad, I can see that you have learned to put a bit of spit and polish into your work ethic."

 

Which reminds me of the one my father was wont to repeat quite often, somethingh like,.....:

 

A Polish seaman walks into a bar in Hamburg, North Germany (Rainbow , you are  a ray of sunshine so this one should be  right up your Herbertstrasse street), sees a wizened Scotsman sitting at the bar and saunters over to whisper in his ear ..

 

"Heh, man, can you buy me  a wee drink, I.m just off the boat and I've had a long and dangerous sea voyage? Just a wee Carlsberg, man, My name is Vyshinski-Vyshinski with a hyphen,  what's yours?

 

With great aplomb the the Scottish Gent replies " Whisky, whisky with a siphon."   

You're so charming Scarlet

But I'm about 500 miles away from Hamburg and will be even farther 4 weeks on as I'll move to Southern Switzerland. But then I'll be only 90 miles from Milan

Doesnt look like Zibi inspired the Polish community back in 07/08 .... maybe he wasnt a big enough star?

Obviously signing a Polish player, or infact, any foreign player would be far from enough to acquire some sort of foreign following. If anything, when we signed Niculae.. quite a few of our own fans went Romania mad, so hopefully it wouldn't play out like that again ;)

In all seriousness, far too many Invernesians have had plenty of time to come and support their team. That's not to knock all the genuine folk who support and the others who will never be able to make a game for whatever reasons because I know there are quite a few out there. What more do those who sit back and choose not to attend or support want from such a small club like us? And I guarentee any promise we had in late December/early January that had them cautiously showing interest, has all but evaporated again, merely because there's no silverwear on offer again and we've hit a slump.

If we can call out to the foriegn folk of the highlands who maybe have an interest in football but stick to their boys at home or don't feel they can be included because they're not locals or regulars, then isn't it worth a shot? Make an effort to show them what we can offer them and that we can atleast make a little effort to show what they'de mean to the club should they choose to support. Sounds rash but Inverness has been kind enough to lend them a home and a job.. hopefully we can engage enough with them in order to get them onboard with us and to be blunt, help us out a little.

If you need some merchandising stuff in German, I'm happy to translate as it's my native tongue.

Not much good if we're targeting Polish though.

Before we target minorities like the Poles etc, remember there's an untapped market of tens of thousands of Invernessians who've never been to TCS either.

Minorities?????

Doesnt look like Zibi inspired the Polish community back in 07/08 .... maybe he wasnt a big enough star?

Obviously signing a Polish player, or infact, any foreign player would be far from enough to acquire some sort of foreign following. If anything, when we signed Niculae.. quite a few of our own fans went Romania mad, so hopefully it wouldn't play out like that again ;)

In all seriousness, far too many Invernesians have had plenty of time to come and support their team. That's not to knock all the genuine folk who support and the others who will never be able to make a game for whatever reasons because I know there are quite a few out there. What more do those who sit back and choose not to attend or support want from such a small club like us? And I guarentee any promise we had in late December/early January that had them cautiously showing interest, has all but evaporated again, merely because there's no silverwear on offer again and we've hit a slump.

If we can call out to the foriegn folk of the highlands who maybe have an interest in football but stick to their boys at home or don't feel they can be included because they're not locals or regulars, then isn't it worth a shot? Make an effort to show them what we can offer them and that we can atleast make a little effort to show what they'de mean to the club should they choose to support. Sounds rash but Inverness has been kind enough to lend them a home and a job.. hopefully we can engage enough with them in order to get them onboard with us and to be blunt, help us out a little.

Has it ever crossed anyones mind that maybe, just maybe, the majority aren't football orientated. Or indeed sports orientated. We are forever, as football minded people, thinking everyone should be the same.

If we can call out to the foriegn folk of the highlands who maybe have an interest in football

Has it ever crossed anyones mind that maybe, just maybe, the majority aren't football orientated. Or indeed sports orientated. We are forever, as football minded people, thinking everyone should be the same.

I think we should sign a post-op sex change gay, black/asian, disabled, muslim. That would really sort our attendances out.

I actually think we get all those attributes in our Worst XI, just not all in the same player.

If you need some merchandising stuff in German, I'm happy to translate as it's my native tongue.

Not much good if we're targeting Polish though.

True, but our neighbours came over from Poland and still speak Polish at home, so I can do the first step and let them continue

We could always abolish the offside rule that might help