It amuses me that the sports pages of our tabloids always contain words and phrases that you will never see or hear anywhere else, because football fans simply don't actually use those terms, ever.

For example:

• "Hitman"
  
• "Stopper"
  
• "issued a 'come and get me' plea"
  

Any others?

"Scottish Football needs Rangers FC"

"Lenny"

"Coisty"

"skint"

"institution"

"supercaleygoballisticcelticareatrocious"

In tabloidese players are often "flattered" that a bigger club has been "tracking" them. Said club may then "swoop".

The one that makes me choke on my cornflakes is when somebody has "admitted" to being a "self-confessed" fan of either half of Old Filth.

Boak.

In other realms of life, pupils in schools do not have a teacher. They have either a "sir" or a "miss" who - if they teach a Science - will also be a "boffin".

And the most popular score in the Olympic Beach Volleyball is sure to be "PHWOAR - NIL".

booked for simulation - why dont they just say CHEATING or DIVING

Young goalkeepers = 'Kid Gloves'. Is it still even possible to buy kid gloves, and would anyone want them?

Also 'go nap', for scoring five goals in a match.

Today the term 'football star' was used to describe Garry O'conner when talking about his drugs case - also mentioned was Drogba getting an offer at Real Madrid as he too is a 'football star' - no distinction as to which shines brightest tho

other tabloid terms

'busty'

'romp'

any female model or tv star is a 'stunner'

The ones that a certain Scottish daily paper which is mistaken by some to be a Rangers fanzine seem to use are "beast" and "caged". Which gets up my nose as it seems a bit too sensationalist even though the crimes they discribe are often appauling..

Edited May 29, 201213 yr by Proctor

other tabloid terms

'busty'

'romp'

any female model or tv star is a 'stunner'

And a football star's romp with a busty stunner usually takes place in a "lovenest".

A "secret highland hideaway" = any house north of Perth

"Stopper"

The only time I've ever heard the term "stopper" mentioned is when people are talking about old-time centre backs. Stoppers were defenders who'd go to a man and try and stop him playing (Jack Charlton for example). Most would then have a sweeper in behind for cover.

My all time favourites are:

'Beaks' as in "Derek Adams was hauled in front of the beaks to recieve another twenty match ban yesterday".

'Foreign crack(s)' as in "Celtic were dumped out of Europe by foreign cracks Athletico Kebab yesterday" or "Rangers were linked with crack Italian striker Carlos Kickaball last night"

"Whistler" for ref.

"Boyhood Heroes" - when a player joins any club they are automatically labelled as a supporter since they could walk!

"Boyhood Heroes" - when a player joins any club they are automatically labelled as a supporter since they could walk!

Robbie Keane is world champion at this.

last night

Yes indeed "last night" is a real favourite of newspapers when they try to kid the public that they're not really hours behind more rapid response media such internet, radio and TV.

For instance you might get something like: "Ex Rangers stopper Terry Butcher LAST NIGHT swooped from his secret Highland hideaway to snap up crack Dutch hit man Ruud Boogers on a one year deal. The Highlanders' boss, who has been ordered to appear before Hampden beaks following his latest rant against Scottish whistlers, had been tracking the busty goal ace since the flying Dutchman issued a 'come and get me' plea just before the last transfer window slammed shut. The England legend has now signed Boogers from under the nose of his old mate and fellow Ibrox legend Coisty, whose derisory wage offer of 50p a week was described by Boogers' agent Dick van Dyke as 'woeful, but I suppose it's the best they can afford'."

Now what this really means is that LAST NIGHT, Terry was actually at home in Abriachan enjoying a glass or red wine and reflectiing over his latest signing who had put pen to paper first thing that morning, as reported throughout the day by broadcasters and internet.

Edited May 29, 201213 yr by Charles Bannerman

It's good Charles, but surely it starts "Ex Gers stopper"!

Giving "110%" to protect a "brave defensive record" at the "fortress"

Bottle Crashing (sorry Heilandee )

"Sticking the boot in"...... "Kicking a man while he's down"....... ......"below the belt"

Ya can go aff folk Scotty!

Edited May 30, 201213 yr by Heilandee

Inverness is 'a really hard place to come and get anything'........ i think our record over the past 2 years suggests otherwise!

Edited May 30, 201213 yr by Sir C the 3rd

"Inverness are a big strong team"