Well as it is an established tradition may I present ma annual Pantomime and this year it is SNECKERELLA. :001:
Once upon a time in the fabled land of Sneck lived a noble gentleman called Sandy Cromarty. He had one beautiful daughter called f*ballers wife, born to his late wife Albertine Plough. He had remarried the powerful maimie, chair of the local WRI, who had two precocious daughters of her own - Lg and Loopy. :010:
Poor f*tballers wife soon became a mere housekeeper and servant as the wicked maimie and jealous stepsisters became fed up of her ability to attract he-men like Johnboy, Action Man and Airborne Jake. :006: She was subjected to arduous tasks like holding Virgin parties and smearing oils on the likes of Heilandee. :019: Meanwhile Lg sought favours through free taxi rides and Loopy went commando. :010:
Then one day the King of Sneck (Caley D :006: - grandiosed post mover) called a Xmas Ball to celebrate the 21st birthday of the handsome prince (IHE) :004: All the lords and ladies of the land were to be invited, plus the Paulie Bees and King Beastie.Lg and Loopy wet themselves, Alex Macleod hurdled a fence and :015: :015: :015: The two step sisters rushed to Nicols to purchase their gowns. Bonzo laughed and mocked - BOOOOOO :001:
On the night of the Dillingers Ball f*ballers wife sat sadly in her bedroom. Then suddenly - POOF - no not Feb 8th - twas Fairy Scotty - naked apart from a small maple leaf. :015: :015: "You shall go to the ball" - he declared. He asked f*ballers wife to go to the garden and fetch a pumpkin. She returned with a cucumber but was sent back fer the pumpkin. Scotty wove his stick and the pumpkin was transfomred into a Highland Omnibus. They needed some old fecker to drive it and POOF - up popped Buckett. Gordyfromsneck took over the conducting duties. Six white rats were transformed into footmen - Mann4thejob, Hairy Chibber, RIG, ICT Chris, Kencar and Caley100 - well the former was a six footman. :001: They elegantly provided a guard of honour for the beautiful f*ballers wife who wore a wonderous old pair of Jimmy Calders fitba boots.
"And dont forget to leave before 3.00 am" cried the Mountie or the moose or......."Or Brosnon will start posting again!!!"
The ball itself was a bit of a shambles and not well thought out. It was being staged by CC Mangement Ltd. And the two bouncers - Dodsy and Granty, were frightening. They didnt just kick ya out - they hoofed ya 100 yards down the feckin street. :015: :015: :015:
f*ballers wife was having the time of her life. She fought of the attention of DMacca who thought that she had a lovely pair of Bristols, Gabby who wanted to go down under, Mooncat who wanted to restrain her and the Sponge who serenaded her under the Blue Moon. She also had to run from the Ladies toilet when she was accosted by a small, well known local journalist, dressed in a towel :015: :015: :015:
The bells tolled three and she hurriedly fled but one of Jimmy Calders boots flew off. :010:
Poor IHE was inconsolable. Even the plight of Tinkerville and the crying Huns could not mend his broken heart. He sought legal advice but could only find a downbeat Jeggie called Kingsmills. He chose him as the only alternative was Red n Black Comeback.
The land of Sneck was searched and not a stone was left unturned. Not even the one Paul Le Guen had hidden under. And then the search led to the shack of Sandy Cromarty pitched on Beachcomber Beach in Nairn. Lg and Loopy wet themselves in anticipation but the boot didnt fit. "What about Sneckerella" shouted Sandy. f*ballers wife slipped on the boot which fitted snugly. She was carried back to the Howden Place. f*ballers wife and IHE were married the following day. They had one daughter - Queen Beastie- and 23 sons who won the SPL in 2010. And they all live happily ever after.
:021: :021: :021:
Well as it is an established tradition may I present ma annual Pantomime and this year it is SNECKERELLA. :001:
Once upon a time in the fabled land of Sneck lived a noble gentleman called Sandy Cromarty. He had one beautiful daughter called f*ballers wife, born to his late wife Albertine Plough. He had remarried the powerful maimie, chair of the local WRI, who had two precocious daughters of her own - Lg and Loopy. :010:
Poor f*tballers wife soon became a mere housekeeper and servant as the wicked maimie and jealous stepsisters became fed up of her ability to attract he-men like Johnboy, Action Man and Airborne Jake. :006: She was subjected to arduous tasks like holding Virgin parties and smearing oils on the likes of Heilandee. :019: Meanwhile Lg sought favours through free taxi rides and Loopy went commando. :010:
Then one day the King of Sneck (Caley D :006: - grandiosed post mover) called a Xmas Ball to celebrate the 21st birthday of the handsome prince (IHE) :004: All the lords and ladies of the land were to be invited, plus the Paulie Bees and King Beastie.Lg and Loopy wet themselves, Alex Macleod hurdled a fence and :015: :015: :015: The two step sisters rushed to Nicols to purchase their gowns. Bonzo laughed and mocked - BOOOOOO :001:
On the night of the Dillingers Ball f*ballers wife sat sadly in her bedroom. Then suddenly - POOF - no not Feb 8th - twas Fairy Scotty - naked apart from a small maple leaf. :015: :015: "You shall go to the ball" - he declared. He asked f*ballers wife to go to the garden and fetch a pumpkin. She returned with a cucumber but was sent back fer the pumpkin. Scotty wove his stick and the pumpkin was transfomred into a Highland Omnibus. They needed some old fecker to drive it and POOF - up popped Buckett. Gordyfromsneck took over the conducting duties. Six white rats were transformed into footmen - Mann4thejob, Hairy Chibber, RIG, ICT Chris, Kencar and Caley100 - well the former was a six footman. :001: They elegantly provided a guard of honour for the beautiful f*ballers wife who wore a wonderous old pair of Jimmy Calders fitba boots.
"And dont forget to leave before 3.00 am" cried the Mountie or the moose or......."Or Brosnon will start posting again!!!"
The ball itself was a bit of a shambles and not well thought out. It was being staged by CC Mangement Ltd. And the two bouncers - Dodsy and Granty, were frightening. They didnt just kick ya out - they hoofed ya 100 yards down the feckin street. :015: :015: :015:
f*ballers wife was having the time of her life. She fought of the attention of DMacca who thought that she had a lovely pair of Bristols, Gabby who wanted to go down under, Mooncat who wanted to restrain her and the Sponge who serenaded her under the Blue Moon. She also had to run from the Ladies toilet when she was accosted by a small, well known local journalist, dressed in a towel :015: :015: :015:
The bells tolled three and she hurriedly fled but one of Jimmy Calders boots flew off. :010:
Poor IHE was inconsolable. Even the plight of Tinkerville and the crying Huns could not mend his broken heart. He sought legal advice but could only find a downbeat Jeggie called Kingsmills. He chose him as the only alternative was Red n Black Comeback.
The land of Sneck was searched and not a stone was left unturned. Not even the one Paul Le Guen had hidden under. And then the search led to the shack of Sandy Cromarty pitched on Beachcomber Beach in Nairn. Lg and Loopy wet themselves in anticipation but the boot didnt fit. "What about Sneckerella" shouted Sandy. f*ballers wife slipped on the boot which fitted snugly. She was carried back to the Howden Place. f*ballers wife and IHE were married the following day. They had one daughter - Queen Beastie- and 23 sons who won the SPL in 2010. And they all live happily ever after.
HAPPY NEW FECKIN YEAR :015: :015: :015: