From Mondays Scotsman

LOVE IN AT NEW LOVE STREET - Ewan MacMurray

Group 4 Security have announced plans to make amends with travelling fans of Inverness Caledonian Thistle, following widespread condemnation of their brusque approach and draconian "policing" tactics at the recent Hibernian v ICT match played at Easter Road.

Group 4 Security spokesperson, Adolf Mussolini, apologised profusely stating "We would wish to unequivocally apologise to all Inverness Supporters who attended the match at Esater Road. Our stormtroopers were overexcited by the aggressive match plan laid out by the new Stadium Manager, Vladimir Romanov, and they took their adrenaline out on the ICT contingent. We unfortunately did not hold back on men,women,children of all ages and apparently even through out a Highalnd papparazi - although he gave a false name of a pope.

Group 4 Security have held preparatory talks with Strathclyde Police and the Stain Midden management. They aim to provide pre match entertainment at the slacious Alamo Bar on the aptly named Love Street. Cocktails and a buffet will be available and personal invitations are being sent out to members of the SESH and MOB fan factions. It would appear that members of those groups may have been singled out. Adolf added "Fortunately we have maintained a list of names of all those ejected and we look forward to make amends to the likes of Donald Duck, Elvis Presley, Ronald Reagan, Peter Paul XV1, William Wallace and the grey haired Marius Niculae".

On arrival at the grounds all Inverness fans will receive a complementary packet of Lovehearts and will be encouraged to share the sweeties and enact the mottos with the stewards. Inverness fans will be provided with free flowery seat cushions and they will be permitted to stand whilst singing. A suggestion was for a chorus backed by flares but Health and Safety has limited this but ICT fans will be allowed to wave orchid scented joss sticks as they sing "Wise men say".

Half time will herald a rendition of "All you need is love" by the Group 4 choir. Stewards will mingle with the ICT support and hope to encourage a flurry of group hugs, whilst doves will be released an rose petals will be scattered like confetti.

Inverness fans, Mann4thejob and Johnboy expressed their support "This is an admirable gesture and brings back sweet memories of Woodstock and love ins. It will be just like the Aviva advert."

So Paisley will be the place to be on Saturday 25th September if your goal is world peace and it will be pleasing to see the yellow jacketed barstewards being amenable for once. MOB spokesman IHE concluded " We all thought that there was a human being inside that cold, gruff exterior. It will be nice to watch ninety minutes of football again. I just hope unruly influences like the Highland Exile wont spoil it for us.

Legend.

Legend.

Complete and utter legend!

Best of all, the special surprise that couldn't be mentioned in that article is that the female steward from Easter Road will be personally making amends by offering herself to any ICT fan, provided they do it standing up.

Best of all, the special surprise that couldn't be mentioned in that article is that the female steward from Easter Road will be personally making amends by offering herself to any ICT fan, provided they do it standing up.

I was almost tempted by the offer of free sweeties but now I think I'll stay at home.

Absolutely brilliant! Almost spat my coffee out at the though of someone giving "Marius Niculae" as a false name.

Sitting here at work with tears in my eyes trying not to guffaw too loudly and have to be asked to go out and calm down.

Thanks for brightening up a cold dank Monday morning.

Sitting here at work with tears in my eyes trying not to guffaw too loudly and have to be asked to go out and calm down.

Agreed, it's just brilliant... IHE is the new Dundee Barry!

The paragraph about being given complementary packets of Lovehearts and being encouraged to 'share the sweeties and enact the mottos with the stewards' is just perfection

IHE is the new Dundee Barry!

Naaay, lass.....

Dundee Barry is trying very hard to be the new IHE.

another excellent article from IHE

class! Havent had such a good laugh in ages. See you in Paisley on Sat IHE

Could you take him in tow on Saturday, Old Caley Girl, and make sure he sees out the entire game?

Too many of his recent match reports on the away fixtures would tend to make you think a game of footie only lasts 45 minutes.

YES.

Could you take him in tow on Saturday, Old Caley Girl, and make sure he sees out the entire game?

Too many of his recent match reports on the away fixtures would tend to make you think a game of footie only lasts 45 minutes.

Id better change my user name to wonderwoman then Johnboy! but will give it a try.had high hopes for St Mirren but it was pointed out by others on another thread that the stewards are the same ones as Morton use.

Id better change my user name to wonderwoman then Johnboy! but will give it a try.had high hopes for St Mirren but it was pointed out by others on another thread that the stewards are the same ones as Morton use.

He's been waxing lyrical on P&B too, which probably won't help....

Posted Today, 14:10

I always look forward to going to Paisley as it is very like the Highlands of olde. Inverness has become too cosmopolitan and city dwellers are turning the place in to a venerable "oasis" of culture, attracting top businesses, tourism booms and a feeling of wealth and inevitable opulence. It will not be long before the place becomes the Abu Dhabi of Scotland.

I will be travelling in the horse and cart with three of ma muckers. The trap has been banned from Inverness abut nobody bats an eyelid in Paisley. I can park it up in any street and let the neddies **** all over the place - it is pleasingly acceptive to the local folk. And the abundance of troughs on street corners is applauded as well. The other plus is that we will be able to get the old shell suits out of the cupboard. The dress code in the city has also debarred us from the comfort of the apparel but in Paisley, it is a bit like Eastern europe of olde as everybody is in shell suits and ya just blend in.

Inverness has become too strict on substance misuse but Methadone and other street drugs are freely available and I am impressed that outlets such as Burger vans and Ice Cream vendors all appear to have a veritable menu available. It is also great to see Syringes back on the shelves of the local shops.

I expect Inverness to have at least double figures at the game and that should be enough to promote a heady atmosphere in the hollow Lego environment and the home support will be heavily influenced by the Sponsored silence day promoted by the local Gay and Lesbian Society.

And as a Seer I have a recurring dream where the glorious vision of Ross "Cafu" Tokely punching the polluted air as he cracks in a wonder winner in the SPL against his biggest detractors.

So please back off the criticisms of Paisley. It is a wonderful reminder of how Inverness used to be.

I've said it before n ill say it again.....LEGEND!!

Have a green dot for the first piece Mr Ender. I wanted to give you two more for the P&B piece but it won't let me.

Love the Aviva Advert line. Sheer class.

Brilliant ! Absoloute legend !

That feckin report was closer to reaslity than I thought.

fantastic

Result was great, sunshine in Paisley surprising. Atmosphere in away section 100% as ever (and I got a hug from Johndo!)(Ta muchly, fella! - made my day). See all you again, singing at Killie - but no Jimmy and his pies?

Fancy a job to even up the numbers at away matches.

Check out the email address at the bottom of the page, made me laugh anyway.

https://jobs.g4s.com/templates/Secure/jobdetail/795.aspx/Jobs/Event%20Staff