The tournament will be held at the No 2 Arena in Cullicudden on 23/12/2010. Sebb Blatter has just made the draw and it is:

CTO Administrators V CTO Ladies

Overseas CTO v Englandshire CTO

CTO Newbies v CTO Caley Jaggies

CTO Central Belters v CTO North of Sneck

If you want to join in and be part of a team put yer feckin names down.

We are playing for the Craig Brewster Golden Shoe Trophy.

Are CTO Arm Chair not involved this year?

Are CTO Arm Chair not involved this year?

Nope - they wanted to sit it out and rest.

I'm sure that Birdog could assemble a couple of teams.

Hey! brill, a bit of sevens in the snow - put me n' mannie for second row ( at the bar)

If you want to join in and be part of a team put yer feckin names down.

Yeah, like anyone actually has a say in the matter

WTF

I'll play...well...kind of...

I propose Dougal as team captain for cto ladies.

Can I play in goal (again?!), I'll dust down my gloves and get my Jimmy Calder top oot!

Halftime Cheeky Beastie's?

I'm in, I can fill big Boabies boots..................and his shirts if they have shrunk a bit.

This Bobby Mann?

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the No 2 (Poo) Arena in snowy Cullicudden for the annual CTO Festive Sevens, sponsored by Granville,Toich and Willliam Bell Productions - The roof has been closed and 60,000 Invernessians and friends from all over the world are packed in and raring to go.

And could you have dreamed of a better opening than the CTO Administrators and the reigning champions ICT Ladies:

CTO Administrators: Caley D; Yngwie; Alex McLeod; Mann4thejobbie; RIG; Andrew Fraser; clacherholiday2 bench - jay7 and Sandy Cromarty

ICT Ladies: OldCaleyGirl; Maimie; Lg ; Miss ICT; Lizi; Mee ; Bench - ekjules; guzz; HighlandExile; Mrs PaulieBee; Mrs Jnr

The first thing to note is that the Ladies may have a squad of 10 but the Administrators are still fielding bigger t*** and f*****s.

Oldcaleygirl swings in to action early on (literally) and paws a well drilled attempt by Alex McLeod around the post. Lg taxis past wee Andy Pandy Fraser, her blaster is initially stopped by the Tubby Mortonesque custodian but wee Miss ICT is sprightly and knocks in the rebound.

1-0 to the ladies and miss ICT feckin apologises to everybody.

Yngwie spoils his reputation by scything down Lizi but escapes a red dot card as Lizi's tartan rug falls on his napper and he escapes censure.

There is another collision as mann4thejob and Maimie go for a 50:50 - again the ref takes no action as their hair styles are so familiar.

RIG makes way for Sandy Cromarty - as he often does on Pie and Bovril but Sandy is promptly dispatched as he is apparently a "ringer" (not what it sounds like - or is it ?!!)

The ladies are now using their numbers and take up a Double D formation - and it is too much for a mesmerised CaleyD as Mee chests it down to Mrs Guzz who chests it down to MrsPaulieBee who chests it down to Mee who chests it down to ekjules who fires it through CaleyD's legs - narrowly missing his dangling mistletoe.

FULL TIME - CTO ADMINISTRATORS 0 CTO Ladies 2 CTO ADMINISTRATORS 3 CTO Ladies 2

Edited December 23, 201015 yr by CaleyD
Abuse of Administrative Powers.

And the Cullicudden entertainment rolls on as a Pathe news clip of Dan Fridge v Mick the Miller at Grant Street Park has the packed arena in raptures but the Granville Paterson at Kingmylies Farm does not appear to have the same positive vibes.

And on to the park stroll CTO posters from all over the globe - CTO Overseas are led on by the flag of the United Nations whils CTO Englandshire have a soiled and burnt offering (well serves them rite fer living down there)

CTO Overseas: Scotty; ronnyc; Scarlet Pimple; Jock Watt; Gabby; kilda; ymip; luvgravy; Tug

CTO Englandshire: Dewsburydude; Gringo; Lancs Dave; Chorltoncaley; CaleymadinEssex; ICT Away; The Fly; Hawkeye

Feck me this is a feckin Question of Sport video question for the future - which is the oldest and heaviest outfit - close fekin call.

Scotty has been asked why he has chosen to play for the Overseas team and not the Admin - "They are a bunch of bestards and it is my ball - playing beside ronnyc who is the only overseas fan that I have seen at a Rangers game it looks like a defensive partnership of the Lone Ranger and Toronto

Anyway ymip is thwarted early doors as he gets to a 1:1 with Dewsburydude who re-enacts his Ibrox performance an ymip slices the attempt.

Gringo looks on the right tracks and has evidently been training fer this game but he gets his signals all wrong and allows Scarlet Pimple in to snatch the opening goal - Scarlet expresses his delight in the style of Stuart Hall

Hawkeye bounces on to the scene and puts in on the plate for the Fly to equalise.

And it is in "fergie time" that the game is decided as Gabby goes down under and his up and under sails over the equator and kilda knocks in a winner.

CaleyMadinEssex has plenty of peeple to pick to start up a new fan club in the demise of his beloved Jimmy Zadi and Marius Niculae.

Game number 3 looks like the pick of the feckin bunch as the new posters take on the famed CaleyJaggies - notice Caley came first

The Cullicudden crowd erupt in to a chant of O2B and both teams join in to the sing song:

CTO Newbies: Doofers Dad; ICTKev; TopSixNextYear; Renegade; Sorted; ajsict92; Georgios; robbylad; DALNEIGHCALEY

CTO CaleyJaggies: KingBeastie; Govan Jaggie; CapitalCaley; Red Card Riley; Internet Jnr: IHE; Stirling Observer; Joe DiMaggio; davieb

This game has kicked off in a frenzy - DALNEIGHCALEY and davieb have been sent of by Hugh Dallas for making references to texts about the Pope. (davieb has a previous record) - Hugh has strained a ligament and has been replaced by some gudgie from Luxembourg.

Renegade puts in a post of complaint and sees red as well.

The newbies clearly have the flair, stamina, determiantion and stamina and it is no surprise that they take the lead through a Georgios overhead bicycle kick which could have ended up in the River Lossie.

Doofers Dad then show his age and brings down Strirling Observer who picks himslef up and scores in a Rooneyesque manner from the spot (Micky Rooney that is).

And it is fergie time again when Govan Jaggie sprints down the wing and his cross is met by the effervescent Internet Jnr who dives in as if he has dived off a feckin Hamilton scaffold.

FINAL SCORE - CTO NEWBIES 1 CTO CALEYJAGGIES 12

And to the last fiasco of the evening !! CTO Central Belters v CTO North of Sneck - a case of the South of Scotland taking on the Far North - and the Arena is going as wild as it did for the Overseas contingent.

CTO CENTRAL BELTERS: Mantis; Naelifts; Wanderer; Hairy Chibber; Alternative Maryhill; CaleySatan; ICTPaisley; Ross P

CTO NORTHOFSNECK: Dougal; Birdog; Mahonio; Dornoch Caley;Caledonian1980; AndyM; skyeman; revbirdog; stonedsailor

Unfortunately the game has been default awarded to the Central belters as only two players from NorthofSneck turned up - Mahonio and an individual with Multiple Personality Disorder

WOW - CANT WAIT FOR THE CLIMAX

Semis and Final on Xmas Eve and still happy to accept late nominations for squad inclusions.

Cant believe that you left me out of the cto squad ya daft old fart!!

Do you need some inside info on the opposition, ive got it, its hitting the papers on sunday, but im expecting a call from sip blooter to tell me not to spill the beans until after the final. :toilet03:

Do you need some inside info on the opposition, ive got it, its hitting the papers on sunday, but im expecting a call from sip blooter to tell me not to spill the beans until after the final. :toilet03:

You got me a new tie for Christmas??

Great stuff Johndo. Could we have W Bell of Greig Street as ref for the final games assisted by Toich of Craig Dunain and G Paterson of Kilmuir Road please.

how we've missed the granville toich and willie bell productions!!!

Aye donview i'll leave it in the office as usual all the best over the festive to you and your family, ru coming to sneck at all ?

I pulled a muscle with my gymnastics..

Aye donview i'll leave it in the office as usual all the best over the festive to you and your family, ru coming to sneck at all ?

And season's greetings to you and yours Insider!! I'll be at the game on Sunday, Caley Club for a few before and after

Have you revealed your identity to all and sundry yet or is Scotty keeping you in "Stig" mode

Good evening from the MEN Arena (Munlochy Evening News - where the action has moved in order to thrill the Black Isle - another capacity 60,000 crowd in attendance to watch the CTO Finals night, sponsored by GTWB Productions.

And the first semi final is between\\;

CTO Ladies - unchanged from last nite: OldCaleyGirl; Maimie; Lg ; Miss ICT; Lizi; Mee ; Bench - ekjules; guzz; HighlandExile; Mrs PaulieBee; Mrs Jnr.

CTO Overseas: Scotty; ronnyc; Scarlet Pimple; Jock Watt; Gabby; kilda; ymip; luvgravy; Tug

Incident from the kick off as Scarlet Pimple takes OldCaleyGirl out by the Howdens but both hug each other due to the memories the clinch has evoked. Scarlet attempts to wax lyrically but fails as he usually only posts in the wee small hours of the morning.

Mee is taking no prisoners and men are dropping like flies as she hunts them down (no different to real life really). ymip is standing out like the Trifle tower and it is no surprise that he opens the scoring with an inseine lob - "Quelle merdre".

But the ladies pull their pants up (this is just like real life tonite) and go on the offensive. HighlandExile goes on a rampage - as she did at Easter Road and sets up Miss ICT who fires home the equaliser - she promptly apologises for scoring in consecutive games.

Guzz comes on and immediately mistakes Jock Watt fer Uncle Albert, smacks him on the back of his napper and is booked for her efforts. Unfortunately from the resultant goal kick Gabby executes the Boomerang free kick and turns the tie upside down.

The Ladies attempt to rescue the match by going down under but there is little chance of success with the manhood of the opposition - who fer whatever reason are resting Tug on the bench. If ever Scotty needed a Tug it was 2010.

And to make the day worse fer the reigning Championees a kilda run ends with a shot hitting the back of the net as fast as a gannet hitting the Atlantic waves. And OldCaleyGirl is left collapsed on her erse at the end of the nite (more reality)