Bayne doing the A to Z in The Sun

[EWS]

Alcopops: What is the biggest bender you've been on?

It was on my 21st birthday when I went out with my mates in St Andrews.  I am a bit of a lightweight when it comes to drinking and I ended up throwing up in the back of a brand new taxi.  I had some really disgusting drinks and they just didn't agree with me.  It was the worst hangover ever.

Banana Splits: What was your favourite cartoon as a kid?

I was really into He-Man and the Masters of the Universe plus I had the action figures.  In fact, Mark McCulloch of Ross County thinks he looks like him.  I also liked Fraggle Rock and currently I am watching SpongeBob Squarepants, which is quite funny because there is some adult humour in it.

Caught on Camera: What is your most embarrasing moment?

When it was your birthday at Dundee, the lads would make you do something silly,  I was made to run round Dens Park wearing nothing but steel toecap boots and a workers helmet.  I was egged on by the likes of Lee Wilkie and Jamie Langfield.  Another time I went to the cinema not knowing it was a couple's night - and turned up on my own.

Dumb and Dumber:  Who is the biggest idiot you know?

Rory McAllister, Ian Black and Stevie Milne are all contenders, but I will have to go for Zander Sutherland.  He came up with a cracker recently when he thought that Netherlands was somewhere near Argentina.  He didn't know it is actually Holland.  His geography obviously isn't that great and he also asked if Dunfermline was close to Kilmarnock.

Eva Longoria: Who is your dream date?

Obviously I will say my wife Susan.  She is from Auctermuchty, which is where the Proclaimers are from, but I say she is the best thing from there.  If I couldn't choose her, then it would have to be anyone out of Girls Aloud.  I wouldn't kick them out of bed for breaking wind.

Famous: Who is the biggest Celebrity you have met?

Barry Wilson helped me on this by providing alternate answers and he says I've to say him, which is no suprise really.  I was in London recently with my sister Mhairi and her friend Cheryl and we bumped into Michael Greco and Dean Gaffney, who were in Eastenders.  I spoke to Michael and told him his I thought he was a good actor, but his poker playing was better.

Guffaw: What is the funniest thing you have ever seen?

Is has to be Stuart McCaffrey's golf swing.  Evn though he plays off five, he is like an old man.  His swing is ridiculous and he takes forever.  Barry Wilson and I team up to play Caff and Russel Duncan and we went eight unbeaten against them, but they are starting to come back.  Caff mysteriously seems to get a good lie in the rough.

Hometown: Where are you from?

I am from Ladybank in Fife  It is known for a trainstation and its golf course.  It is a place where everone knows everyone.  I was a good kid.

Idiot: What is the daftest thing you've seen?

Darren Dods tried to do the Johan Cruyff turn in training.  He isn't the most graceful of players which is why he uses it just in training.  I once burnt my fingers when I decided to clean the cooker but I forgot it was still hot and got painful blisters.

Jakey: Who has the worst dress sense?

John Rankin is a good looking guy but some of the stuff he wears is horrendous.  He comes in wearing sandals, shorts and a tight pink t-shirt.  The worst I've ever owned is a pair of golf shoes I bought on Ebay for £100.  They were orange and white with a tinge of pink.  I only wore them oce because I got horrendous blisters.

King Kenny: Who was your hero?

I would say my dad Bob.  He played for Newburgh Juveniles and once told me how he scored 80 goals in one season.  I used to go and watch Hibs and also my local club Raith Rovers.  There were a couple of seasons I saw all of Hibs' home gams and I went to Hampden when they won the Skol Cup in the early 90s.  My favourite player weas Keith Wright who scored in that game.

Lost: What three items would you want with you to a desert island?

I would take my sand wedge to practice shots because I am rubbish in the bunker.  I would take my Border Collie called Cara and also a speed boat for getting home.  If I can't get a speed boat then m pal John is great with directions.

Magaluf: What was your best holiday?

I was in Thailand and Sigapore for my honeymoon and that was great.  I also enjoyed Magaluf with the boys after our first season in the SPL.  About 20 of us went and I remember they didn't build the roads wide enough for Grant Munro because he kept bouncing off the walls because he was so rubbered.  Roy McBain went back to the hotel when he was a bit worse for wear.  He got the right room number but the wrong hotel and an old couple got a right fright when they came back to their room and found Roy in their bed.

Nightmare: What was your worst moment in football?

The footballing revolution under the Bonettis at Dundee.  That was a very surreal experience.  I was made to go train with the young boys.  Another bad experience is playing for Arbroath at Gayfield where the wind cuts into you.

Oh My God: Tell us something we don't know about you?

Well apparently I like to wear womens shoes.  My best man at my wedding, Callum Simmers, told the story about how I once walked home in a pair of heels.  I vaguely remember being on a night out and his fiance's feet were hurting.  I offered her my shoes and ended up walking home in her heels which were a few sizes too small for me.

Prank: What is the best wind-up you've seen?

Liam Fox used to come into training early and take your car keys and hide your car.  I remember John McCormack would pull tricks on young skillseekers at Dundee by sending them round the shops to get tartan paint and the lightbulbs for the stadium floodlights.

Quick Fix: What would you change about your team-mates?

Dennis Wyness and our reserve manager John Docherty get slagged for their big noses so I would give them a reduction.  I would like to be two inches bigger.  Obviously I am talking about my height.

Rosco: Who has the worst nickname?

There are a few dodgy ones I've heard.  When I first came ot Caley they would call Liam Keogh 'Odd Job' because he looks like the baddie out of James Bond.  Ross Tokely gets called 'Beano' because he looks like Plug from the Bash Street Kids.  David Proctor used to get called 'Emu' - have a look at his neck and you will see why.

Scary: What is your most frightening experience?

My Dad when he was a football manager.  He has a short fuse and would shout and bawl from the sidelines.  Actually, I would be more worried if he was quiet.  Neale Cooper could be quite scary when he was at Ross County.  If you weren't doing something right he would have a right go at you.

Tracks of my Tears: When was the last time you cried?

It was on my wedding day which was quite girly of me.  I told Susan not to cry, which she didn't, but I suddenly opened the floodgates.  We got married in a church in Auchtermuchty and had our reception at Huntingtower in Perth.  It was raining all week leading up to it but luckily the sun was out on the big day.

U2: What was the first album you bought?

Again I am being a bit of a girl because it was Alanis Morissette who was pretty big at the time.  I went to see Keane last week in Aberdeen and they were good.  I also like the Killers and Razorlight.  Barry Wilson has the worst taste - he likes John Denver for God's sake.

Very Strange: What is your strangest experience?

I was speaking to Stevie Milne at training with Dundee when all of a sudden Claudio Caniggia walked round the corner and showed up.  We had heard the speculation but never heard anything confirmed.  He turned up with his entourage .  He spoke to use and was great.  He is one of the best I have ever played with.

Wonder Goal: What is the best goal you have scored?

I have got to say it was the one just there against Rangers.  It was amazing how quiet the Rangers fans went.  Susan's uncle had a £2 bet on me to score the first goal at 16-1.  Hugh Robertson socred great goals at Dundee and Ross County.  He has the hardest shot I've seen and once knockd out a referee because he hit the ball so hard.

XXX: Do you remember your first kiss?

It was a girl in Ladybank called Lindsey Isles.  Our Mums were good pals and apparently we were thick as thieves.  We kissed in the play park I seem to remember.  She was actually at my wedding.

ZZZZ: What bores you?

Stuart McCaffrey.  Enough said.  Richard Hastings' patter.  Russel Duncan who thinks he's Vijay Singh.  Craig Dargo moaning when I fine him because we have a fining system.  I am in charge of the fines and he is always late for training on a Monday.

Some interesting things to come out there.  Maybe we should start calling Rossco Beano from now on eh?

[Harry Chibber]

brilliant!!  :015: :015: :015:

Fair play Bayne that is a cracking interview

Keogh - Oddjob.... class!!

:015: :015:

[Yngwie]

Excellent stuff!    :003:

[Queen Beastie]

Love the story about Grant and Roy in Magaluf.

Great interview

[EWS]

Saw it and thought that I should do a wee write up.  I'm thinking that come St Mirren next week we could be getting some new nicknames for our players.

Tokely - Plug indeed...

[Mrs Pauliebee]

Brilliant!  :clapping04:

[Row S]

Nah, there has only ever been one dead ringer for Plug in Scottish football - Davie Dodds, ex of the Arabs and the Huns.  Rossco hasn't got the nostrils.

[Caley4eva]

aww love the bit about the dumb and dumber

[Guest kingkojak]

Nah, there has only ever been one dead ringer for Plug in Scottish football - Davie Dodds, ex of the Arabs and the Huns.  Rossco hasn't got the nostrils.

davie is already nicknamed the elephant man so the name plug is up for grabs! incidently, i  have drank in davie dods's bar a few times - and its complete hun sh1te!

[Tug]

thats ace. its sbout time someone from caley did that bit, he's the first one i have seen i think