ROSS COUNTY GOALIE 'I M KNACKERED'

[CELTIC1CALEY3]

Ross County's famous goalie, I M Knackered, formerly a night club bouncer and aspirational male model in Inverness, has been rested. Ross County have made it clear that he has not been dropped. This is perhaps understandable given his weight.

His Manager has played down suggestions that Charlie Christie on a secret spying mission to a Ross County Training Session at the Fluke Inn had tentatively suggested that consuming 6 steak and kidney pies in one training session was beyond even Bobby Mann. The said keeper had taken offence at this but was unable to move fast enough before Charlie had legged it. Nevertheless, I M Knackered had tumbled and we believe caused some damage to property, players and officials as he fell. Following a number of calls to the BBC concerning a possible earthquake in Inverness, people have been advised that no such geological event took place. Mr Roy Mee, who lives adjacent to the Fluke, reported damage to his chimney stack.

Today Ross County have decided to rest their regular keeper for the trip to Perth. Coach Driver Mr Sandy Heid from Dingwall was quoted as saying 'This would relieve the aging Ross County Team Bus from considerable stress, particularly going up hills, as Mr Souter was half the size of I M Knackered or That Big Bullock as he is known to the fans.'