the vodka scooter

[broomie boy]

Does this ring a bell?

The Vodka Scooter... How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking and thought,

"How on earth did I get home?"

As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house.

The answer to this puzzle is that you used a "Vodka Scooter".

The Vodka Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus, the Roman God of Wine.

The Vodka Scooter works in the following fashion - The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone.

Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Vodka Scooter.

The Scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment.

This answers the second question after a night out, "How did I spend so much money?"

Unfortunately, Vodka Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries), such as bruised legs, stubbed toes, scratched hands and a sore spot on the top of your head.

An undocumented feature of the Vodka Scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-dimensionalPortals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for?

This answers a third question after a night out, "What the **** happened?"With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing Moments in Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order, those parts in time regretted most.

Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another's and quite often, lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time.

Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to the wrong bedroom with the wrong person, often with horrific consequences.

Vodka Scooters come equipped with Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake either everyone else in the house or your downstairs neighbours.

Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins.

Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a small outfit for the ladies or for the men no jacket.

Vodka scooters.........the wonders of modern technology...have you ever had a ride on one??!!

[Heilandee]

Ehv had many a ride (so to speak) ,the latest and longest was back fae our dire day oot to Hampden V Gretna earliar this year,unfortunately the vodka scooter disnae erase results in the following days papers  :019:

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

I have been a member of the Bacchus Chapter fer many years now and my Vespa is heard whizzing home most nights.  :015: :015:

[img width=286 height=400]http://www.absolutgallery.com/r/rome_scooter.jpg

[f*ballers wife]

oh my!!!

broomie, thank you SOOOOO much for that.... the past. oh, well, year or soooo.... has now been explained!  :notworthy01:

i can now go drink as much rum as poss, safe in the knowledge that my pheromones will get me to where i need to go....

and here was me thinking that landing in 'his' bed was a pre~destined~fate~thingy!

gosh, the thinks you learn!  :015:

[CaleyJulz]

Must take mine tothe garage to get it checked out sat nav must be down as it always takes me the wrong destination.im a posh bird have sat nav on mine .!!!

[caley100]

I'd like to complain, last time i had a lift, the driver dragged me across a football pitch a got me jeans manky AND spewed on me jacket - now that is not good service!

[f*ballers wife]

I'd like to complain, last time i had a lift, the driver dragged me across a football pitch a got me jeans manky AND spewed on me jacket - now that is not good service!

oh my!!!

must have been a faulty model babe... stick it into a garage for a quick once over, if you know of any good garages that is!!! :001:

[Guest Lauraness]

I LOVE MY vodka scooter......its all pink and sparkly!! I never want to get off it!! Woooooooooooo

[IMMORTAL HOWDEN ENDER]

Isnt it feckin amazing the strange names they give to Sex Toys these days.  :006:

[CaleyJulz]

Ohhhhhh heavens my vodka scooter is gonna go rusty wasnae out last weekend and this weeknd aint sure yet!!

[CaleyJulz]

This is the Caleyness twins vodka scooters and look we even allowed to park in clubs/pubs which club is in the background ??? Sis they due for mot must tell them the sat nav on mine is way dodgy.

THE CALEYNESS TWINS VODKA SCOOTERS.

[img width=331 height=400]

[Council Juice]

Ive been sent this story abefore and i believe it to be true.

Cause i can swear mine broke down on the Edinburgh Cowgate and dumped me in the middle of the pavement. personally i found it quite comfy. Luckily the police were at hand to give me a ride home. i still managed it to work the next morning tho!

Absolutely wasted and reeking of drink but i made it

[CaleyJulz]

My vodka scooter will be in use on sunday in the pubs of inverness i think just hope the sat navs mended so that i get home and can try the stop this feckin room spinning test .

[f*ballers wife]

Isnt it feckin amazing the strange names they give to Sex Toys these days.  :006:

oh my!!!

now you see, you scare me sometimes.... and what sex toys would you be wondering about?!?!

wonder will there be a vodka scooter in the big apple???

i'll let you know when i get back! :001: