Readers Letters - Viz Magazine

[Mrs Pauliebee]

If the failed 21/7 bombers had just waited three more days, we'd all

be calling them the 24/7 bombers. This would imply that they blow

things up all day every day and, despite their actual lack of success,

make them at least sound like they were good at bombing.

Christina Martin, London

 

 

I just saw a van drive by with the company name 'Seafood Solutions'.

I must admit, I didn't know seafood was a problem.

Martin Kristos

 

It is said that gentlemen prefer blondes. I hope then that lesbians

prefer brunettes, otherwise we might have to organise some kind of

rota system.

Johnny Pring

 

I'm beginning to think there may be something in this climate change

after all. Four months ago it was very cold and now it's quite warm.

Alan Heath

 

A woman whose daughter was hospitalised in a US tornado told ITV News

that "God would make her better." presumably, that's a different God

from the one that almost killed her with a tornado.

M Lovejoy

 

"She can dish it out, but she cannot take it", I once heard someone

say of me. And it's true - I'm a school dinner lady and I'm allergic

to mashed potatoes.

Mrs Pinches, Hereford

 

I heard on the news that the January storms had cost this country a

billion pounds. What an utter waste of money. If anything, they did

more harm than good.

S Prodnipple, Scarborough

 

So Princes Harry and William are throwing a party to celebrate the

10th anniversary of their mother's death. I'm glad that they can

finally laugh about it, but throwing a party seems a bit harsh.

D Antarctica, Rhyll

 

I think Sir Paul McCartney should try to put his current predicament

into perspective. In olden days, if you were unfortunate enough to be

robbed by an omniped, it would almost certainly be a pirate. At least

he's going to come out of this alive.

Stella Matlock

 

What is it with diabetics? One minute they're on the floor with a

loved one standing by screaming "Give him some chocolate! Give him

some chocolate!" The next day someone offers them a piece of chocolate

and quick as a flash they say "No thanks, I'm diabetic." I wish they'd

get their story straight.

T Potter

 

Yesterday I received an e-mail from a bored housewife looking for

some action. Eager to please the young lady I sent her my ironing.

That should keep her quiet for a while.

Warren

 

THIS new police knife amnesty is a bloody nightmare. I dutifully

handed all my knives in and now I've got nothing to eat my dinner

with.

Richard Karslake, Oxfordshire

 

TO THE zookeeper in 1978 who replied "I'll tell you when you're

older" when I asked him why one of the monkeys stuck its tongue up

another one's arse: I'm 36 now and still waiting for that explanation.

Joe McKeown

 

I HAVE just returned from a diplomatic trip to the Congo and I can

testify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo.

Neil Palmer

 

I'M A terrorist, and when ID cards come into force I will probably

employ great cunning and not declare that as my job. I'll probably say

I'm a grocer or something.

A Terrorist

 

WHY DON'T NHS bosses start hiring obsessive compulsives as nurses?

Their attention to hygiene and constant hand washing would see an end

to MRSA outbreaks in no time.

Stu Bray

 

'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial

says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.

Colum Hill

 

'Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak', sang Thin Lizzy in 1976,

'somewhere in this town'. Well, I'm guessing it's going to be at the

prison.

Raymond

[Johnboy]

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:

[SMEE]

Some good uns in there. Viz used to be part of the staple diet in my late teens /early twenties :021: