MEN OHHHH SO SO TRUE !!!

[CaleyJulz]

Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?

A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck & the noose.

Q. Why do little boys whine?

A. Because they're practicing to be men.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. One - he just holds it up there & waits for the world to revolve around him.

OR. Three - one to screw in the bulb, two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?

A. Trustworthy.

Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath & calling your name?

A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?

A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.

Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

A. To stop the snoring before it starts

Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?

A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women...

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.  A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How does a man keep his youth?

A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

Send this to five bright, funny women you know and make their day!!

And send this to five bright men who have the sense of humor to find this funny!

PS AT LEAST FINDING 5 BRIGHT WOMEN is possible!!!

[Interthenet Jnr]

Q: How many "Real Men" does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. "Real Men" aren't afraid of the dark

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Five, one to change the bulb and four to make the documentary.

:004:

[CaleyD]

Q.  Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning?

A. They don't have balls to scratch!!!

[Interthenet Jnr]

Q.  Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning?

A. They don't have balls to scratch!!!

:015: :015: :015: :015:

[+jagster]

Whats the difference between a women  and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist

What do you call a woman with brain cells?

Pregnant

How do you stop a woman having sex?

Marry her

Why did god invent alcohol

So ugly women could have sex too.

[Mee]

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?

Make him wear shoes.

How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?

Two. If you slice them very thinly.

What did God say after creating man?

I can do so much better.

What do you call a man with half a brain?

Gifted.

What should you give a man who has everything?

A woman to show him how to work it.

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?

Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

What do men and pantyhose have in common?

They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?

His wife is good at picking out clothes.

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?

Four guys watching a football game.

What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?

Telling you his real name.

What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?

Big Foot's been spotted a several times.

What's the smartest thing a man can say?

"My wife says..."

What's the quickest way to a man's heart?

Straight through the rib cage.

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?

So men can understand them.

Why did God create man before woman?

Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.

Why do men like smart women?

Opposites attract.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?

They all already have boyfriends.

[Caley4eva]

Men are just stupid idiots.

[tm4tj]

'Men are just stupid idiots'

:010:oh, right, thanks for those words of wisdom c4e

[Interthenet Jnr]

Men are just stupid idiots.

i'll remember that one, really incredible comment :017:

[Guest Lauraness]

lol sis

:015: :clapping04: :015: :clapping04: :003:

[Heilandee]

Nicked from another site but may strike a chord wi a few of the regular female contributors....

when burdz get pished.......

1. We have absolutely no idea where our bag iss and for some reason, thats ok.

2. We believe that dancing with our arms overhead and wiggling our butts while yelling "WOO-HOO" is truly the sexiest dance move around.

3.We've suddenly decided that we want to kick someones *** and honestly believe we could do it too.

4. In our last trip to pee, we realize that we now look more like a homeless hooker than the goddess we started out as just 4 hours ago.

5. We drop our 3am sub/burger/kebab on the floor, pick it up and contnue eating it like its nobodys business.

6. We start crying and declare to everyone we see, including people we barely know, that we love them sooooo much.

7. We get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a new song comes on because "Oh my god, I LOVE THIS SONG!!"

8. We're suddenly full of profound spiritual wisdom..... and so is the geek next to us.

9. We don't see anything wrong with snogging teachers/co-workers/boss should they be around.

10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, get up on the table or bar and start to sing or dance becomes strangely overwhelming to us.

11. Our eyes just won't seem to stay open by themselves, so we keep them halve closed and think it looks incredibly sexy.

12. We've suddenly taken up smoking and we believe we're really good at it.

13. We yell at the barman who we believe has cheated us by giving us just orange juice, but thats just because we can no longer taste the vodka.

14. We start every conversation with a slurred "don't take this the wrong way but..."

15. We fail to notice that the toilet seat is down before we sit on it.

16. Our hugs begin to resemble wrestling take down moves.

17. We are tired,but we are troopers so instead of going home, we just sit on the floor wherever we are and take a quick nap.

18. We begin leaving the buttons open on our jeans to cut down on time we have to spend away from our drinks.

19. We take our shoes off because a) there ridiculously impratical...but soo beautiful. b) we believe its the shoes fault that we can't walk straight.

20. No matter what got broken, thrown up on, stolen, no matter who said what or who went home with whoever else - we ALWAYS call each other the next day!!

[CaleyJulz]

Ohhhhhhhh heavens i must be slacking i only do about 5 out of these i really must get my act together.

3) Was recently silly little bint fecking pouring a drink over my mate then try to say he did it to her .I think he knockered her back in earlier in the night.

8)Does that cover having beer goggles on and snogging the ugly bloke if yes then im guilty as charged.

17)Well i attempt to go home but have a habbit of sleeping at my mates house.

19) Is deffo a yes its always the shoes never how drunk i am .

20)Is a deffo sis and i always speak on the phone next day lol if we have credit as we txt each other to make sure we got home home ok and always end up sending loads of txtx instead of a quick call to say "hello sis im home ok or im at such and suchs house".

[Guest Lauraness]

I THINK I did all of the above tonite, plus i cut my foot and asked the bouncer for a plaster then gave him a big hug and told him he was a HERO hahahahahahaha

[CaleyJulz]

Hey good on ya sis i sooooooooooooo missed not being out was that bored of thinking of something to do that i gave myself a headache.So who ws the ucly geek that ya snogged that suddenly become  hunkerage ??!!! It ok sis you can tell me who he is i mean look at my tall friend.!!!!  :015:  :015: Sorry tall friend !!!